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to ask someone to explain/give examples of what gaslighting is?

(45 Posts)
connacht Fri 16-Nov-12 17:56:28

can anyone help, think this may be happening to me


WorraLiberty Fri 16-Nov-12 18:01:08

There are lots of examples on Google

It puts it better than I can anyway.

HappyJustToBe Fri 16-Nov-12 18:04:43

Are you ok, OP?

toofattorun Fri 16-Nov-12 18:06:14

InNeedOfBrandy Fri 16-Nov-12 18:06:32

Gas lighting is where a man promises you the future makes you believe in it, introduces you to family an friends, gets you really involved as then fucks off.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 16-Nov-12 18:06:57

It's basically someone who does/says something then denies it or makes out you've imagined it or it was a joke.

InNeedOfBrandy Fri 16-Nov-12 18:07:44

Oh I got that wrong then! Really thought from baggage reclaim site that was gas lighting!

NoraGainesborough Fri 16-Nov-12 18:07:45


That's not gaslighting.

toofattorun Fri 16-Nov-12 18:08:39

Sorry x post

InNeedOfBrandy Fri 16-Nov-12 18:08:48

Yes Nora I said I was wrong.

NoraGainesborough Fri 16-Nov-12 18:08:54

X post.

It could be classed as gas lighting I suppose. Buts its not the definition. It comes from an old film. I believe its Alfred Hitchcock.

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 18:09:10

I might move everything on your mantelpiece an inch to the left every morning (when you weren't looking) and tell you that you were imagining things when you start to notice, with the intention of making you think you were going mad.

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii Fri 16-Nov-12 18:09:32

Gaslighting is making someone believe lies. or more specifically making them believe lies that also make them doubt their own judgement/memory. Basically speaking.

In the film the name comes from a man keeps dining the lights and when his wife questions it telling her she's being silly they look perfectly normal. So that when ever she comments on anything.g he doesn't want her to notice/see he tells her it's just het mind playing tricks on her and she believes because she was wrong about the lights iyswim.

The best RL example I know was a friend whose (abusive) ex changed which school their dc was going to and then told her she'd agreed to it the last time they spoke. (when she'd been ill) his whole family were 'in' on telling her she'd agreed, to make her doubt herself.

TravelinColour Fri 16-Nov-12 18:10:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoraGainesborough Fri 16-Nov-12 18:17:30

Calm down inneed you posted that while i was posting. smile

Are you ok OP? do you want to chat about it?

InNeedOfBrandy Fri 16-Nov-12 18:19:58

Excuse me? Calm down? You sound like David Cameron. How does me Telling you i had said I was wrong warrant a calm down confused

ClippedPhoenix Fri 16-Nov-12 18:21:14

It's also one of the most nasty underhand head game someone can play, so if you need to clarify what/if it's happening to you, start a thread in relationships OP, some women on there are bloody fantastic in helping define this.

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii Fri 16-Nov-12 18:23:36

Yes, I agree the relationships section is great. it's very sly generally so difficult to point out anecdotally. Hope you're alright OP.

NoraGainesborough Fri 16-Nov-12 18:27:10

Chill Out?

Is that any better?

It was a joke hence the smiley face.

Lets not make it all about you. wink

InNeedOfBrandy Fri 16-Nov-12 18:29:31

How and if you wouldn't keep mentioning me and correcting me...

Onebadbackandalostpelvicfloor Fri 16-Nov-12 18:30:22

My sister is a master of this.

Manipulative bitch that she is.

Selim Fri 16-Nov-12 18:38:46

You can watch the whole film that the phrase originates from on youtube. Its stuff like "I'll pay the gas bill." Then 3 weeks later "Why didn't you pay this gas bill? I told you I couldn't do it and you said you would."

ClippedPhoenix Fri 16-Nov-12 19:17:52

I know this isn't smart but I came on here many moons ago now and had an incling my ex was up to something along these lines, had it confirmed in relationships and double bluffed him to the point he was the one that went practically screamingly insane out of the door grin

toofattorun Fri 16-Nov-12 19:26:44

ClippedPhoenix Can you give me an example? I'm intrigued!

connacht Fri 16-Nov-12 19:39:01

basically, I have a thread in relationships which goes into more detail, but my x dp is basically making me feel like I am nuts. to put in in short clear terms, he is dreadful with money, owes me over £500, gets annoyed when I ask him to repay it and I have just finished the relationship as he used his half of the rent money to pay personal bills that were overdue - phone cut off, no insurance on car, etc before he paid rent. in the almost 3 years we have been together I have paid for most things, ie meals etc or at least my half.

Rent was due last friday, I was upset he hadnt paid his half and my to landlord (all comes from his account) and he promised it would happen this Wednesday at latest, he recieves money he was due on Tuesday and pays his own bills and then promises to pay it today. I left told him he was the most selfish person ever.

I think he is gaslighting me as he is sending me messages saying "im here if you need me", "hope your counselling session wasnt too upsetting" etc etc. The reason I am upset is because of his behaviour and he is now trying to make out that I have something wrong with me that is nothing to do with him.

He has often accused me of being nuts during arguments. Is this gaslighting (i think the nuts reference comes from me taking anti-depressants)

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