To expect carers to have learnt my Mother's name?

[pointybird]

Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer 10 years ago, when she was in her early sixties. My sister and I have cared for her (with professional help) since then but a few weeks ago we decided that she was too vulnerable to stay in her own home alone.

We found what we thought was a lovely care home for her and she moved in 3 weeks ago. The home costs £1000 per week, so surely the least we could expect is for staff to remember her name?

[LadyMargolotta]

Was it a new member of staff? Or an agency nurse perhaps? Or a staaff member who usually looks after other residents?

[WelshMaenad]

YANBU. I used to be a care home administrator in a large (75 bed) nursing and residential home, so not even direct care staff, and I made a point of learning everyone's name, and getting to know new residents when they moved in. I'd also check how they liked to be addressed (some preferred first name, some Mr or Mrs xyz). I did this because it is COMMON FUCKING COURTESY. Also because when so much in their life is changing, it helps them retain a sense of who they are.

I used to get really annoyed by care staff calling everyone "love" and "flower". It's incredibly patronising. Everyone has a tight to be called by their preferred name.

[pointybird]

From what I've seen so far they employ lots of agency carers. Am upset that when we first visited the home told us that "Mum will need to get used to us". I can't recognise the carers because there are new faces every day so how can my Mum get used to them?

[pointybird]

WelshMaenad Seems like the administrators know her name, but the people involved with her day-to-day care don't. Lots of other issues with the carers saying they "don't know what to do with her", she is "schizophrenic" (she isn't) and how they have been "thrown in at the deep end". Feeling that we have made the wrong decision.

[WelshMaenad]

That doesn't sound fantastic, to be honest. Lots of homes have no option but to use some agency Carers, but a never ending procession if new faces hints to recruitment and retainment issues that I would be asking questions about. Does she have Keyworker you can talk to? The staff should know what to do with service users because she should have a detailed care plan outlining her needs and how the setting should be meeting them. I'm also quite a few years out of the industry but £1k a weeks sounds a LOT. Did you gave support from social services in selecting her placement?

If you want to talk more privately, you are welcome to pm me. I cared for my grandfather who had dementia, as well as working as both admin and carer in the industry so I might be able to help if you're worried.

[Mollydoggerson]

YANBU.

The following might help:

Creating a life story collage and putting it on her wall,, with her name clearly visible in it.
Raise your conserns with the matron.
Join the resident's committee and be vocal on your mother's bahalf.

[pointybird]

Molly Great idea, have already started on a photo album of her life. Will do a collage too and stick it on her bedroom wall with BluTak (despite the no BluTak rule)