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To comment on amount of sweets another mum gave her dc?

(200 Posts)
Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:30:48

Ds goes to an after school activity and has made friends with
a little girl. I sit with her mum and we get on, have a chat etc. She also takes her younger dd who's 4 with her.

I bring a snack for ds as he's always hungry. Something like a flapjack, small bag of maltesers, single twix. I bring enough for his little friend and her sister.

So they had their snack and went off doing their thing. The mum gets a bag of freddo's out and her dd has two of them, she then gives her a bottle of coke that she sits slurping. Ok no big deal. She then gives her a big bag off fizzy cola bottles. The little girl is screaming and being loud, like she normally is.

So after ds and her dd finish she then gets out 3 mars bars and gives them out to her dd's and my ds.

I was shock and told ds to wait for after his dinner.

She let her dds have the mars bars.

I said that's a lot of sweets in one go. Not in a smugo way, sort of joking but meant it

Was I out of order confused

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood Sun 18-Nov-12 22:30:52

Phew so glad I read the thread before I posted !!!
I was about to post that YABU for giving your child flapjack, malteasers and a twix....
I think I am quite free with snacks for the kids but they don't have more than one treat a day.

MrsMelons Sun 18-Nov-12 22:24:21

I don't think I would have said anything but you weren't wrong - that is a lot of sweets - could it be a one off though - I mean they may not have sweets/chocolate any other time?!

I have been known to overload DS2 on chocolate to keep him quiet and occupied in particular situations although its not a weekly thing or anything and he eats really healthily the rest of the time. I wouldn't be offended if anyone commented in a jokey way as I am sensible enough to know it is a silly amount of chocolate!

BTW its ok to judge as everyone does it - just like the posters on here are judging you for saying something! Sometimes its just better to judge but not say anything.

CrapBag Sun 18-Nov-12 21:51:35

I probably would have said the same.


Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 21:09:18

mrs if you had read the thread you would see I didn't comment on how to bring her children up.

I made a correct statement.

Thisisaeuphemism Sun 18-Nov-12 21:03:33

Yeah, it doesn't take a village to raise a child just a large sweet shop will do.
Childhood diabetes and the obesity epidemic which is threatening to destroy the NHS is not your business.

MrsWhoGivesaShit Sun 18-Nov-12 20:43:58

no actually i dont have any children, and if/when i do they wont be stuffed full of sweets. But if a busy body like you dared to comment on how i bought up my children you would get told to get lost and keep your nose out.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 18:45:57

I'm bored now.

It just came out. It just came out because it was a shit load of sweets for anyone let alone a 4 year old. It wasn't said in a judgey or smug way. I laughed the mum gave a bit of a laugh.

I'm guessing all of you calling me judgey think it's ok to give that many sweets?

Won't someone think of the children.

TeentheBean Sun 18-Nov-12 18:39:51

Urgh, your line 'sort of joking' made me cringe. The type of cringe I get when someone starts off a sentence saying 'I don't mean to be funny, but.....' and then promptly says summat that they know will wind you up.

Maybe you should latch on to one of the other mums and stop being judge-y.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 18:30:54

Or maybe she's the mum who gives her kids loads of shit! grin shock

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:26:53

Or maybe she is a Mrs Who gives a shit grin

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 18:10:41

Don't take after your name then? wink

MrsWhoGivesaShit Sun 18-Nov-12 18:08:11

mind your own business. can not stand people like you.

BegoniaBampot Sun 18-Nov-12 15:49:45

lead by example, next time take fruit and veggie sticks. Might make her think.

strumpetpumpkin Sun 18-Nov-12 11:29:09

i would have probably made a comment in a light hearted, non confrontational way, in an attempt to make her think, but without making it look too much like i was judging her, even if i secretly was.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 10:58:27


RandallPinkFloyd Sun 18-Nov-12 10:46:00


many on this thread have said I was NBU.

Many have also said you were BU!

I'm only joking but let's face it, we all concentrate on the ones that agree with us and find fault with the ones that don't. That's all I was saying.

I honestly don't know if you should have said anything or not. If it makes her think then it's a shame she was upset but it was worth it. If it doesn't then clearly you didn't upset her anyway so no harm done.

Hmm, maybe I'm swaying towards YWNBU after all!

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 10:37:14

Hmm. I am sure as I can be that it didn't piss her off. She didn't look embarrassed or annoyed.

It was a statement. One that was correct. Whether I should have verbalised it I'm still not sure tbh even though many on this thread have said I was NBU. But it was something that just came out in a shocked sort of way. Not nasty or judgey.

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 18-Nov-12 10:25:57

If she sort of laughed then I'm afraid you did probably piss her off a little bit. If not piss her off definitely made her feel uncomfortable. I'm not saying you were wrong to do that but she obviously did know you weren't just joking.

I think you started the thread for the same reason most of us start threads; because we want people to agree with us! grin

cafebistro Sun 18-Nov-12 10:25:43

Yanbu and hopefully by mentioning it you have planted a seed of doubt in her head.
One of my best friends is a bit like this. Her dc eat an awful lot of rubbish and have a mouth full of fillings as a result. I secretly judge her a bit because it isn't what I'd feed my DC though they do have sweets just not constantly. I would never mention it to her though as I know she would be upset and she's a wonderful mother in so many other ways.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 10:19:19

I didn't piss her off.
Why do you think I started the thread? confused

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 18-Nov-12 10:16:51

It seems it's just become a habit then.

So maybe it was worth pissing her off this once as it may make her think about it.

Be honest though, this AIBU wasn't started to canvas opinion was it wink

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 18-Nov-12 10:12:11

Ok, it was just a thought.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 10:04:08

I don't give a flapjack and a small bag of maltesers and a single twix all at once! It's either one of them. Jeez I'd be as indulgent as the mum if I had!

The mum isn't stressed or at the end of her tether, we chat throughout the time waiting, she's very easy going and unflappable. I don't know why she offers all this stuff, it's not the little girl was screaming for it, she wasn't, the mum would just go in the bag and offer her something.

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 18-Nov-12 09:55:39

I'm getting splinters in my arse reading this one tbh!

Of course it's a ridiculous amount of crap to feed anyone never mind a child but on the other hand the fact that she sort of laughed makes me think that she knew full well that you were being sarcastic rather than jokey.

She's obviously feeding the younger child in the hopes of keeping her occupied and giving her something to do whilst the older kids do their activity. If she really does scream and bash things then it must be stressful for the mother trying to keep her quiet.

Maybe she's just fallen in to the trap of feeding her to keep her distracted and the amounts have escalated over time without her really realising it iyswim.

On the other hand maybe she's just lazy and doesn't give a crap what the child eats as long as she shuts up. Without meeting her I don't know.

I would have been shocked definitely, and I would have been judging my little arse off, but would I have said anything? I honestly don't know.

I personally think a flap jack, malteaters and a twix is too much regardless of what the activity is, so seeing the rest would have me wearing my eyebrows as an alice band!

Refined sugar like that just isn't a good source of energy. I would keep one of those things and maybe just take a sandwich instead. A butty would be just as quick and easy to eat.

So in short, after all that waffle, I have nothing useful to add. I put myself firmly on the fence!

I do feel the need to add though that eating too much sugar does not cause type 2 diabetes in children. It can be caused by a generally high fat/sugar/calorie diet and obesity, but not just sugar.

A diet too high in sugar will cause health problems, no doubt about it, and it will certainly harm their dental development but it won't give you diabetes. Sorry, just a bugbear of mine. smile

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 08:48:17

valdeeves yes the younger girl will eat sweets and drink coke/fanta throughout the time we are waiting. Her mum has a little bag with them in. I think this week I was just shocked that she had eaten all that and then the mars bars.

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