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To comment on amount of sweets another mum gave her dc?

(200 Posts)
Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:30:48

Ds goes to an after school activity and has made friends with
a little girl. I sit with her mum and we get on, have a chat etc. She also takes her younger dd who's 4 with her.

I bring a snack for ds as he's always hungry. Something like a flapjack, small bag of maltesers, single twix. I bring enough for his little friend and her sister.

So they had their snack and went off doing their thing. The mum gets a bag of freddo's out and her dd has two of them, she then gives her a bottle of coke that she sits slurping. Ok no big deal. She then gives her a big bag off fizzy cola bottles. The little girl is screaming and being loud, like she normally is.

So after ds and her dd finish she then gets out 3 mars bars and gives them out to her dd's and my ds.

I was shock and told ds to wait for after his dinner.

She let her dds have the mars bars.

I said that's a lot of sweets in one go. Not in a smugo way, sort of joking but meant it

Was I out of order confused

Salamanger Fri 16-Nov-12 11:53:46

Yanbu, and really surprised at the responses so far.

Much better to say something and give her the chance to respond than to come away wondering whether you need to start distancing yourself to avoid repeating an awkward situation.

She may not have much idea of what's normal intake, she may have many ideas for non-sugar filled snacks. Her children may be out of the habit of amusing themselves by other means.

Thisisaeuphemism Fri 16-Nov-12 11:53:48

It's an observation - that's all. Yanbu.

You're a braver woman than I tho!

MrsCantSayAnything Fri 16-Nov-12 11:54:12

Don't sit with them if you don't like the way she parents. Nothing to do with you.

Thisisaeuphemism Fri 16-Nov-12 11:55:34

What size were these mars bars hmm?

missymoomoomee Fri 16-Nov-12 11:55:36

So if the mother had a massive spot on her face, or was having a shit hair day would you also have pointed that out to her and laughed too?

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 11:55:50

You do know you probaby shouldnt have said anything though and to be fair, i would have been inwardly composing my "AIBU to think this is too many sweets" thread as i sat there.

Do you genuinely think that she might be one of these parents that struggles because you are right, the screaming (i don't know how scary you are in real life soit still might have been you wink) probably is directly proportional to the sweet consumtion. If so maybe take her under your wing a bit? Talk to her about healthy meals, but don't be too surprised if she doesn't thank you for this.

I remember being very insulted when i went to homestart playgroup and every time they would provide "healthy" snacks for the kiddies i do KNOW about five a day ya knows, but i got over it pretty quick because they made us cups of coffee and toast and generally looked after us too, i loved it smile How kind - its one of those things you never really forget it is, those silly little things that even though no-one knew i was struggling terribly with PND (it was just a general playgroup not a homestart support group) and it made so much difference to my week. Anyway, total digression and nothing to do with thread - as you were.

Have another biscuit everlong and have a brew to go with it smile

Floggingmolly Fri 16-Nov-12 11:56:28

She probably feels really judged now. And? She has been judged, with good reason. Op just commented on it, she didn't threaten to call social services.
I'd have remarked in it too. I wonder if the sweets are the reason the dd was "screaming and being loud"?

willyoulistentome Fri 16-Nov-12 11:57:27

I nearly posted on somethng similar a while back, but decided I would be told yes I was BU. I was horrified by the amount of chocolate a woman I have often seen in the corner shop near DCs school. Her kids are massively obese and she is pretty big too. One of those HUGE Galaxy bars and a 2L bottle of coke for one child and an emourmous family-bumber-buy-for-the-whole-neighbourhood-at-Halloween type bag of haribo and huge coke for the other. I even overheard her say " remember you've still got half of one of those left at home" to the little boy with the galaxy. I supposed I was going to be told I was being judgey and maybe they were stocking up on Christmas stuff, but I was pretty sure they were just going to eat it on the way home.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 11:57:50

I've got to know her over a period of time. I'm not sure why she gives them the amount of sweets and chocolate she does. She's a caring/ loving mum, I like her but I'm surprised she does this.

I felt for ds last night as well whilst they were opening their mars bars because of course he would want his too but I felt I had to stick to my guns, he'd already a snack beforehand.

I would say it if it was a really good friend of mine...well, you know who you can say that sort of stuff to dont you.

However, I wouldnt say it to another mum that I don't really know. I don't buy your friends comment that the mum may not have known it was a lot of sweets...unless she is a total moron she knew!

mummmsy Fri 16-Nov-12 11:59:39

remember thumper's line in bambi? if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

you didn't have to say anything, you could have just said nothing, so, yabu

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:00:01

flogging I'm positive the screaming is because of all the sugar/sweets. Sort of hyper.

They were full size mars bars.

I binge eat and yet to me that would be a lot. I'm not saying I wouldn't eat it, but I'd be fully aware. I have no willpower. Don't understand how you can do that to your children and have them growing up thinking its normal.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 16-Nov-12 12:01:47

Mrscantsay - when is it acceptable to say anything? Provided it is said nicely and with the interest of the child in mind?

We all have different views in certain aspects of parenting but the don't engage approach can be detrimental I think.

I have rotten adult teeth because noone told my mum about keeping count of my milk teeth.

She genuinely did not now at the time.

I sincerely wish someone had, and so does she actually.

Asinine Fri 16-Nov-12 12:02:07

It's no joke,really. Too much sugar is a major trigger of diabetes, seen increasingly in children. I think a little well meant nudge from everlong might have made her feel crap for a bit, but she'd feel even worse if her dd developed diabetes.

I wonder what you'll both bring for snacks next week?

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 16-Nov-12 12:02:59


ToffeeCaramel Fri 16-Nov-12 12:03:27

It is a lot. I have a friend who gives her children constant sweets and crisps up until meal times and then can't understand why they won't eat their meal. I wouldn't mind but she offers them to my children too and then I have to say "Not before dinner" and look like the spoilsport.

cloudpuff Fri 16-Nov-12 12:03:54

My best friend greets her child out of school with sweets everyday, he then gets more when he gets home whilst waiting for his tea, then a desert and more sweets to follow if he has eaten all that, and then quite often some more for supper. By sweets I mean chocolate buscuits, cola bottle etc.

She is my best friend and she knows that I think its a lot as she she once asked why i thought her ds was overweight and why his teeth are rotting. She honestly could not see what could be causing it. I don't think I'd be brave enough to comment to someone I didnt know well though.

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:05:20

missy no a spot or bad hair day has no effect on her children does it?
Unlike the copious amount of sugar wink

I felt for ds last night as well whilst they were opening their mars bars because of course he would want his too but I felt I had to stick to my guns, he'd already a snack beforehand. This I agree with. Apart from the very odd occasion I don't want my kids to overindulge either. Its greedy and wasteful.

PoppyWearer Fri 16-Nov-12 12:05:28

Ok, I now feel less bad about my 4yo DD and her occasional treat-sized pack of chocolate buttons!

But here's the thing. My DD has the odd bit of chocolate, nutella on toast at weekends, and only ever drinks water or milk. She never eats Haribo or other sweets. We brush and floss her teeth and take her for regular dental check-ups. Ok, she has, unfortunately, inherited my weak nails and teeth, but...the dentist has nonetheless found some "areas of concern" in her teeth. The odd bit of fruit and chocolate has done damage.

Imagine the poor girl in the OP's post.

I don't necessarily agree with pointing it out to her though. Sometimes we all have an off-day and sometimes all the kids will eat is junk.

PickledFanjoCat Fri 16-Nov-12 12:05:58

Me and my friend take the piss out of each other a bit about food. She is beyond anal and I'm normal I think. Her ds begs me for quavers like a puppy. grin

Everlong Fri 16-Nov-12 12:08:19

poppy it's like this every week. No kidding.

PickledFanjoCat Fri 16-Nov-12 12:09:15

I would like meeting her though. I can't get enough fun sized mars bars. grin

SamSmalaidh Fri 16-Nov-12 12:09:16

It is a lot of sweets.


You also give your child crap snacks so you're not in much of a position to judge!

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