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to think this is not my job

(16 Posts)
yorks05 Fri 16-Nov-12 10:11:10

So i am on mternity leave from a part time job. I have a 9 year old and 6 year old and nb (2months old).
Last night I was out at a school event with dd1. Dh was home with dd2 and nb.
When i returned home dd1 noticed that dd's clothing was wet. Obviously a nappy had leaked. She wanted to change and dress her. I said ok.
I than popped upstairs and overheard dd2 protesting that she was having to go to bed when dd1 still up.
DH reply was "she is helping mummy". Since when has caring for dd been my exclusive job. Surely when both parents are home it should be equal.
I am sure some people will say that I am being oversensitive but the reality of it is that dh has probably changed about 5 nappies in 2 months.
The last time I asked him to change one his reply was "I would but i am about to get lunch!!"
Think things need to change and rant over.

squeakytoy Fri 16-Nov-12 10:14:26

But your daughter was helping you? confused

hazleweatherfieldgirldetective Fri 16-Nov-12 10:15:32

Your DH sounds generally shit, but if he was putting dd2 to bed then dd1 WAS helping you, surely?

yorks05 Fri 16-Nov-12 10:17:18

Fair point. I know I am being oversensitive. Guess I couldn't understand though why she was so wet. Dh had her on his lap so surely he should have noticed how wet she was and changed her.
(Oops dripfeeding)

wewereherefirst Fri 16-Nov-12 10:18:24

She was helping you, wasn't she? I don't seetthe problem with how he said that. But parenting should be equal.

ihavenofuckingclue Fri 16-Nov-12 10:22:12

I am confused. She was helping you and he was as well as he was putting dd2 to bed. Have I got it right?

Sokmonsta Fri 16-Nov-12 10:42:08

Sounds like you're miffed at his complete abdication of nappy changing responsibilities.

I assume your dd noticed baby was wet after your dh took dd2 up to bed. So yabu to expect that he would have known she needed changing if it was just wee. It may have leaked from movement when he put her down. If poop, maybe his sense of smell is off (I really don't seem to have one when it comes to poopy nappies). Dtd can often poop through a nappy but until she's moved and it leaks, I might not realise. Very irritating when you then have to do a complete clothing change and wash her chair.

Your dd1 wanted to and did help. Your dh helped by putting dd2 to bed. Therefore IMO he's playing his part as a parent.

If you want him to change more nappies you are going to have to point that out to him. If you realise upon him handing baby over to you that baby needs changing, hand them back and tell him to change her while you do something else.

witchitagrub Fri 16-Nov-12 10:47:11

I think I get your point - the baby had a wet nappy and your Dh couldn't be arsed to change it so left her in a soaking wet nappy waiting for you to get home and do it?

Yanbu to be pissed off - my Dh has form for similar things e.g. if I'm ever not there during dc meal time he just won't feed them then will expect me to run around getting their food the minute I walk in the door.

EuroShagmore Fri 16-Nov-12 10:49:03

I think you are probably being oversensitive about the comment, but not about the nappy changing in general.

DeWe Fri 16-Nov-12 11:07:30

Dh didn't like nappy changing. I used it to my advantage.
"Dc needs their nappy changing. Can you do it as I've got to <insert job I don't really want to do and takes twice as long as the change>"
Dh: "Don't worry I'll do the job."

Worked every time.

samandi Fri 16-Nov-12 13:21:15

Not feeding your child or changing their nappies when they need feeding/changing is neglect IMO.

WorraLiberty Fri 16-Nov-12 13:23:52

If he's changed about 5 nappies in 2 months

Who else was she helping if it wasn't you?

Floralnomad Fri 16-Nov-12 13:26:28

Do your 6 yr old and 9 yr old usually go to bed at the same time ? I'm surprised the older one doesn't complain about that . And on the actual topic yes your DH should have already changed the nappy but yes you are being over sensitive.

yorks05 Sat 17-Nov-12 21:43:09

He was not putting dd2 to bed as such. He just told her to go. They do normally go up at a similar time as dd1 likes to read.

DeckSwabber Sat 17-Nov-12 23:46:24

I totally get it that your daughter should not be given the impression that nappies are for mummies to deal with, even if he's been in charge all evening and could have had baby all sorted an hour before you came home.

scarletforya Sun 18-Nov-12 00:26:18

What did you say to him when he said he was just about to get lunch?

He seems to be laboring under the misconception that nappy changing is optional. I'd be correcting him very bluntly OP. How dare he leave the baby wet. Selfish.

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