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AIBU - In laws and christmas

(57 Posts)
Abbicob Fri 16-Nov-12 08:56:31

Please can others give me some opinions on this as it may be that I am making too big a deal out of this.

We moved house in June this year and I have always wanted to do a family Chrirtmas at my own house. Never had the room before so we always ended up at the in laws. They are very nice people but have a few strange ideas.

We (husband and I) told them that we would be doing Christmas at our house and they would be very welcome to come. There daughter had a baby in August and so they said they would just have Christmas at there house as normal and hoped we had a nice time.

Great I thought. We arranged to go over on Boxing day instead so they can give DD her presents and see her. DD is nearly 4 and is very excited this year about Christmas

The In laws have now decided to go away on Boxing day for a few days and have asked us to go over on Christmas eve instead. I said fine no problem. They then said they still want to give her her presents and let her open them on Christmas eve because they want to see her opening them.

I can fully appreciate the fact that they want to see her open the presents however for me it is not Christmas and I don't want her to open them on Christmas eve. I want her to have the excitement to the build up and Santa coming that night and leaving a drink and carrots for Rudolf etc...

I think that if she has her presents on Christmas eve she might get confused because Santa is supposed to bring the presents for Christmas day and he does not set off until Christmas eve night. She also get over excited and I might never get her to bed!

I have spoken to the husband and he does not see a problem with it. We have not spoken to the ln laws yet however I am thinking of asking them to pop over Christmas morning instead?


SlightlySuperiorPeasant Fri 16-Nov-12 09:00:12

YABU. Your ILs sound very accommodating and it won't harm your DD to open a present on Christmas Eve. Lots of families have a tradition of opening one present on Christmas Eve anyway.

CelticPromise Fri 16-Nov-12 09:00:26

YAB a bit U. I think you're over thinking it. We had Santa presents and everyone else presents so I would not have found it confusing. They sound like very reasonable people! By all means ask if they'd rather come Christmas morning but I wouldn't stress about it.

How lovely to have nice reasonable family living close by!

Katisha Fri 16-Nov-12 09:02:39

SHe won't be confused. I wouldn't let you ideas about how exactly Christmas should be magical spoil the fun of seeing their grandchild open her presents.
You can always say Father Christmas said you could have a couple early this year for <invent reason>. Or just say grandparents have brought you some presents and FC will n=bring some more tomorrow. In other words, dont let the whole Father CHristmas thing make life difficult/slightly sad for people.

AppleOgies Fri 16-Nov-12 09:02:44

YABU... They are gifts from her grandparents... Santa's presents will come in their usual way and it will not spoil her Christmas. Of course they want to see her open them!

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Fri 16-Nov-12 09:02:53

We do grandparent presents separately from father christmas presents anyway, so I wouldn't be that bothered. You'll just have to make it clear the presents are from them - if they are happy with this then it should be fine!

I do think it's nicer for dc's to open presents from family in front of them. It wouldn't sit right with me to take the presents and have them opened without them there.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 16-Nov-12 09:02:58

For me it would depend if it was just one present or lots.

1 I would. Lots I wouldn't

diddl Fri 16-Nov-12 09:04:51


Why can´t she open GPs presents a day early?

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 09:05:06

Father Christmas is not the source of all presents.

If he is, that means that your child can never see you buy a present for anyone else, never say thank you for a present, never buy a present themselves.

If you say that he delivers all the presents (even those bought by other people), why not say that granny and grandpa thought that he was quite busy (or wanted delivery on a different day, and everyone knows Santa is very inflexible in his delivery times) and so they would deliver this one thing themselves?

Abbicob Fri 16-Nov-12 09:05:14

It will be lots - they are very nice generous people.
I do feel awful for getting wound up about this - Boxing day woudl have been great!

Learning70 Fri 16-Nov-12 09:07:07

I think you need to go with it. I'm a bit the same as because my mum would always give the kids their presses for Xmas day. We usually have in laws on Boxing Day and they bring pressies then. The first year I thought mmmm but then it became tradition and its another exciting day for the kids.

MerylStrop Fri 16-Nov-12 09:07:43

YABU, sorry

She won't be confused, or even if she is a bit Father Christmas (look away now children)isn't real, so it doesn't matter

Real presents from real people, who should get the pleasure of seeing her open them and can then be immediately thanked.

Also it spreads out the present opening, which can be a bit much

Also most Europeans open their presents on Christmas Eve anyway

etc, etc, etc

Be nice. Bend a bit. Your inlaws have.

Justforlaughs Fri 16-Nov-12 09:08:11

I'm rather jealous actually! Reasonable in-laws!! grin I do understand why you would like her to have her presents on Christmas Day, but after many years of Christmas with kids I have learned that it is more important to do what suits you and your family than to fit in with what other people want/ expect. In my house Father Christmas brings the stockings and everything else is bought by friends/ family so they get to say Thank You. Were you thinking of having all the presents from Father Christmas? If so I really understand your dilmma, but I also believe, very strongly, that it is important that children realise that other people have thought of them and spent hard earned money and much time selecting something that they thought they would like. I hope you have a great CHristmas with your family and that your 4 yo really enjoys it! I also have a 4 yo (as well as far too many older children) and am really looking forward to it, putting carrots and mince pies out etc. The excitement! I'm worse than the kids, grin!

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Fri 16-Nov-12 09:08:40

Just relax and stop letting it bother you. It is a bit disappointing when you have a 'perfect day' all mentally planned out and then something interrupts that plan but it is only you who is bothered. It won't be spoiled for anyone else smile

Slainte Fri 16-Nov-12 09:08:45

YABU she could open the gifts from her GPs on Christmas Eve then Santa comes as usual to your house on Christmas Day. I really can't see a problem with this or how it could lead to any confusion.

1charlie1 Fri 16-Nov-12 09:09:13

I agree with Sockreturningpixie. If your ILs are likely to do a huge sack, then maybe explain to them that you would like DD to have just one or two presents on Christmas Eve, and you'll save the rest for Christmas Day (and, as you suggested, offer to have them around in the morning.)

Justforlaughs Fri 16-Nov-12 09:10:25

Hmmm, have just read your post about "lots of " presents. I'm a bit more on your side now, is there any way that they could just give her the one BIG one on Christmas Eve?

Abbicob Fri 16-Nov-12 09:11:13

Thanks guys - I just needed to get a bit of perspective - like you say Santa is not real and the grandparents are. I just had an idea in my head about christmas and it took over a bit blush

SomersetONeil Fri 16-Nov-12 09:11:34

Christmas is a time when we get presents. Santa is only the bringer of some of them.

YABU. And I say this as the Mum of a nearly 4 YO.

exoticfruits Fri 16-Nov-12 09:11:44

I can't see any problem or any confusion. Their presents are nothing to do with Father Christmas and so they just open them on Christmas Eve and Santa comes as normal. Actually it is much better to space it out.

somewherewest Fri 16-Nov-12 09:16:55

YABU, sorry. My family have always opened presents to each other on Christmas Eve and Santa presents Christmas morning, and I really loved it as a child. It was much more exciting than getting everything all at once.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Fri 16-Nov-12 09:18:44

OP I get exactly the same, don't worry. I do have to kick myself from time to time and remind myself that whatever it is isn't actually that important and other people are not psychic.

Last year I made an entire laminated Christmas day plan with timings down to the minute <insane grin> It all went perfectly until DH put the lovingly brined turkey in the oven still covered in cling film angry

Abbicob Fri 16-Nov-12 09:19:52

LOL xx

expatinscotland Fri 16-Nov-12 09:21:06


fuzzywuzzy Fri 16-Nov-12 09:24:00

your IL sound really sweet, a four year old will know the present(s) are from grandma and grandpa and that santa will bring special christmas gifts on the day.

Doesn't Santa bring some gifts and some come from parents/relatives/friends anyway?

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