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AIBU?

to think mothers who constantly use the 'daddy' threat need to grow a pair?

65 replies

crazyhatlady · 16/11/2012 08:16

I seem to be surrounded by women like this and it bugs the hell out of me. One of the mums at ds's nursery must say it to her son at least 10 times during drop off , every single day.

Right that's it I'm telling daddy, come here right now or I'm telling daddy and so on. My sil is the same, her kids don't listen to a word she says as she is incapable of disciplining them.

I mean all these women are just reinforcing gender stereotypes surely. They are your kids too ladies, deal with it yourself and stop turning daddy into the big bad wolf..

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CaptainBarnaclesDaddyman · 16/11/2012 08:20

It also undermines their own authority as a parent, as they admit to their children that they are not the "alpha" and invites rebellion as they make themselves look weak.

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Pagwatch · 16/11/2012 08:22

I agree

I also hate the 'stop doing that or will one and tell you off'
After years of promising myself I did say to a child 'actually that's not true. I don't care if you do that or not' when a woman in a cafe said 'eat nicely and stop banging that or that lady will be cross and tell you off'.
I was just getting up to leave though so it wasn't that brave Grin

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valiumredhead · 16/11/2012 08:26

I never did it when ds was little but now he is older (11) I sometimes say "I will discuss your behaviour with dad when he gets in." Works a treat Wink

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44SoStartingOver · 16/11/2012 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 16/11/2012 08:29

Authority boobs.

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ThePerfectFather · 16/11/2012 08:30

I'm a stay at home Dad, so to offer an alternative viewpoint, I do occasionally use "Wait til your Mum gets home" as a threat if I just want to mix things up a bit.

I like to keep 'em guessing.

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Grumpla · 16/11/2012 08:31

I must have a pair of those already. Most small children (and grown men) are naturally terrified of me.

Not my own though Sad

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bigkidsdidit · 16/11/2012 08:32

I hate the phrase 'grow a pair'. Implies you can ony be brave if you're a man

Unless you mean ovaries :)

Otherwise I entirely agree

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MrsWolowitz · 16/11/2012 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 16/11/2012 08:33

perfectfather yeah I'm not convinced it doesn't hurt to let kids know they are answerable to not just you. Keeping them guessing is never a bad thing imo Wink

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crazyhatlady · 16/11/2012 08:34

Absolutely captainbarnacle that's what bugs me, they come across as weak to me so must do to their kids as well.

Fair point startingover perhaps backbone would have been a better choice of words!

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Pagwatch · 16/11/2012 08:34

Arf at 'I like to keep em guessing'

My dc, including the 19 year old, areaway more alarmed by 'I will need to discuss this with mum' than 'with dad'.
I am the finder of hideous consequences.

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helpyourself · 16/11/2012 08:36

Agreed. Not as bad as that seasonal favourite:
Santa won't bring you your pressies! boak and Hmm

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valiumredhead · 16/11/2012 08:37

Weirdly I am too pag but because dh is very calm and has never lost his temper with ds yet - there's always the chance that today could be his unlucky day Wink

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Pagwatch · 16/11/2012 08:37

In fairness I think it is different when you say to an older child 'I am going to talk to about this. That indicates that the matter is serious to warrant further action.
Telling a small child 'I will tell daddy/mummy about this if you don't stop' is just an abdication of responsibility. And weak ass

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valiumredhead · 16/11/2012 08:37

We here did Santa so that wouldn't have worked in our house help Wink

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valiumredhead · 16/11/2012 08:37

never

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Peggotty · 16/11/2012 08:37

Yes I totally agree!! And I also have a friend who says to her daughter 'oh stop doing that or peggotty will get cross' or 'peggotty doesn't like it when you do that'. I couldn't give a rats arse what her child does and now the girl looks at me like I'm I'm terrifying. It really bugs me!!

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Pagwatch · 16/11/2012 08:38

Grin at Valium

That sounds a bit incredible Hulk...

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valiumredhead · 16/11/2012 08:42
Grin
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JazzAnnNonMouse · 16/11/2012 08:42

I always thought grow a pair did mean boobs...
Does it actually mean testes?
Interesting! I suppose the link is 'get some balls' hmmmmmm Grin

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BartimaeusNeedsMoreSleep · 16/11/2012 08:46

I agree.

On the other hand, when DS started being deliberately naughty (e.g. touching sockets or banging on glass - stuff he knows he's not allowed to do) when DH told him to stop or told him off it usually worked (well 90% of the time). When I did it he completely ignored me! I remember one day trying lots of different stern voices in an attempt to make DS listen to me DH was laughing his socks off

DS also listens more to my dad than to my mum Hmm (they look after DS whilst I'm at work).

I've not yet used the threat of telling his dad (he's only 14 months) but it is frustrating that he will stop when his dad tells him to but not me.

So I go more for the distraction technique, or the "punishment" (1 minute in his cot by himself).

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CaptainBarnaclesDaddyman · 16/11/2012 08:49
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OwedToAutumn · 16/11/2012 09:03

In our family, I am the main disciplinarian, so if DH tells the DC to do something, or not to do something, they often ignore him, until I back him up.

I think this has something to do with the fact that I am fairly easy going, but if I say something, I tend to mean it. My default position is "yes, unless there's a good reason why not" whereas his is "no, and I'll find a reason why not.".

I think the fact that I am less strict means I get better discipline when it's needed.

And I have a very fine if slightly saggy pair, thank you very much!

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reindeerjumper · 16/11/2012 09:17

See I have a different perspective on this. My DH and I both use each other as a threat when we aren't there. For us it's more about the matter being so serious that the other parent will be told.!

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