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to think that I shouldn't tell school about this?

(82 Posts)
Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:40:41

DD is 15, in her final year of GCSE's (16 in July) and will be leaving to go to college.

Over the last few months she has had a day or 2 off every few weeks due to "feeling really really sick" and looking like death warmed up. Her sisters are hypoglycemic and her symptoms are similar so I try to perk her up with juice, a decent breakfast etc and doesnt work. She cant eat it and often throws it up.

Then I checked my diary. Without fail, for the last 4 months, it has been on the first full day of her period. I get absolutely awful shits with my periods, and I have read that that is quite common, so I am wondering if this is her version of that? But also, her periods are very very heavy, she often floods and has accidents on her first day, which I am beginning to think may the real reason she doesnt want to go in. I dont blame her, I suffered the most humiliating experience in my life aged 14 at school because my mum didnt want to hear about it sad I consider that to be an acceptable reason to stay at home, especially for a hard working student who never takes a day off other than that.

Anyway.....thats kind of irrelevant. I was talking to my (childless) sister who suffers far worse than DD or I do with periods (and we are pretty bad) and she said that I should tell school so that when she isnt in, they know why and dont think that she or we are trying swing the lead.

If she was 12 then I would agree as she would have another 4 years at school ahead of her, but she has 6 months of school and then a month or so of exams and then she is leaving. So I am thinking, why make an issue out of it?

I always write notes/emails and it has never been questioned before and it is probably very common to have girls off with period related issues in a senior school so they have probably worked it out before I have!

I think that we should just roll with it over the next 6 months, but DSis disagrees, quite vehemently!


Trills Sun 18-Nov-12 12:09:01

You were right the first time

The more common word is “discreet,” meaning “prudent, circumspect”: “When arranging the party for Agnes, be sure to be discreet; we want her to be surprised.” “Discrete” means “separate, distinct”: “He arranged the guest list into two discrete groups: meat-eaters and vegetarians.” Note how the T separates the two Es in “discrete.”

sherzy Sun 18-Nov-12 13:01:00

Lol I don't teach English but I do teach science where discrete makes sense. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. smile

lovebunny Sun 18-Nov-12 13:52:02

don't tell them. your daughter deserves some dignity. they'll be examining the absence records for patterns, though, and will have noticed. if they don't ask, don't tell.

DontmindifIdo Sun 18-Nov-12 13:59:49

definately insist on seeing the Doctor (or if not, you wo'nt write a sick note if she's ill on the first day of her period next month). She does need to learn to deal with her own problems and with exams coming up, she doesn't want to be dealing with this on an exam day.

Somebodysomewhere Sun 18-Nov-12 14:11:37

I would take her to the GP and then tell the school it is a medical problem - she can have a doctors note then if needed. They dont need to know why if you DD doesnt want them to.

Same goes for employers. I have MH issues. My employers are only aware i have a medical problem for which i am receiving treatment and that it is a private issue that i do not wish to discuss. My occupational health are aware but certainly not my direct managers and i intend to keep it that way.

In fact occupational health have been very helpful in wording things to my bosses so as i get support but without revealing more than i am comfortable with.

quesadilla Sun 18-Nov-12 14:22:45

I think it would be beneficial to tell school: as someone else pointed out, repeated unexplained absences can be used against you by colleges/recruiters. But if she's vehemently opposed to that and the school haven't questioned it you may have to continue as you are for a bit.

But you should go to the GP about it. I suffered from debilitating periods and PMT which has been largely sorted out through Mirena and it literally has changed my life. Not recommending that for your daughter but there are a range of things which can be used to treat it. Not just contraceptives either; I was put initially on some medication (think it was metformic acid) which just restricts the amount of blood you use.

Menstruation and menstruation-related symptoms can darken a significant chunk of your life if you suffer badly -- it can be more than a quarter of your life when you just can't function. Your daughter needs this like a hole in the head now. If there is anything you can do to sort it out you should move heaven and earth to do it. Frogmarch her kicking and screaming to the GP. She will thank you for it in the long run.

hackmum Sun 18-Nov-12 14:30:23

If you get her to a GP, and the GP prescribes the pill or tranexamic acid (which is brilliant) or has any other solution for sorting it out, you won't need to worry about whether to tell the school or not, because she won't be missing school.

TBH, I don't see that you need to worry about the school. Lots of kids have the odd day off here and there, and if the school hasn't mentioned it up to now, then why bring it up now? The thing that would worry me is your DD being ill during her exams, which would be just awful.

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