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to think that I shouldn't tell school about this?

(82 Posts)
Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:40:41

DD is 15, in her final year of GCSE's (16 in July) and will be leaving to go to college.

Over the last few months she has had a day or 2 off every few weeks due to "feeling really really sick" and looking like death warmed up. Her sisters are hypoglycemic and her symptoms are similar so I try to perk her up with juice, a decent breakfast etc and doesnt work. She cant eat it and often throws it up.

Then I checked my diary. Without fail, for the last 4 months, it has been on the first full day of her period. I get absolutely awful shits with my periods, and I have read that that is quite common, so I am wondering if this is her version of that? But also, her periods are very very heavy, she often floods and has accidents on her first day, which I am beginning to think may the real reason she doesnt want to go in. I dont blame her, I suffered the most humiliating experience in my life aged 14 at school because my mum didnt want to hear about it sad I consider that to be an acceptable reason to stay at home, especially for a hard working student who never takes a day off other than that.

Anyway.....thats kind of irrelevant. I was talking to my (childless) sister who suffers far worse than DD or I do with periods (and we are pretty bad) and she said that I should tell school so that when she isnt in, they know why and dont think that she or we are trying swing the lead.

If she was 12 then I would agree as she would have another 4 years at school ahead of her, but she has 6 months of school and then a month or so of exams and then she is leaving. So I am thinking, why make an issue out of it?

I always write notes/emails and it has never been questioned before and it is probably very common to have girls off with period related issues in a senior school so they have probably worked it out before I have!

I think that we should just roll with it over the next 6 months, but DSis disagrees, quite vehemently!


squeakytoy Thu 15-Nov-12 22:44:17

I would tell the school. I would also get your daughter to her GP. There is no need for her to suffer like this. I had horrendously heavy painful periods from the age of 12 and I was put on the pill. It sorted it out almost immediately.

Casmama Thu 15-Nov-12 22:44:19

How about taking her to the doctor to discuss her options. I take a progesterone only pill and get no periods at all- worth considering surely ESP with exams coming up?

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 15-Nov-12 22:44:26

Yanbu, she has a right to medical confidentiality they do not need to know the nature of her problems

UniS Thu 15-Nov-12 22:46:00

I think I'd roll with it for 6 months as far as school goes. If they ask maybe then you bring it up in confidence. BUT longer term... DD is going to need a workable solution. She won't get away with notes from mum at college or at work and 2 days sick every month PLUS what ever legitimate sick days she needs... its going to add up and may cause her problems keeping a job.
Can you get her to admit whats up and see a doctor . There may be treatment that will help.

blackeyedsusan Thu 15-Nov-12 22:46:21

they do not need to know. she would not want them to know. throwing up and feeling sick is enough for them to know unless they ask. she would probably be mortified if you told them.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Thu 15-Nov-12 22:47:09

I wouldn't tell the school but I would take her to the GP. There is medication that can help with really heavy periods even ibuprofen can reduce the flow (or possibly the pill might help). I used to get sent home from school because my periods were so bad and I did end seeing the GP.

Shelly32 Thu 15-Nov-12 22:47:46

My mum suffered this and it was discovered, 20 odd years later,that she had endometriosis that had spread from her uterus to her bowel and cause all sorts of issues and pain. They made my mum think she'd imagined all the pain when he was school age. Get your DD to the docs to rule this out .

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:47:46

Going to the GP is on my list, but DD is so private about these things that she really doesnt want to go, I have talked about it with her before. I will insist though I think, now I have the pattern in my diary, and will probably end up doing all the talking!

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:50:31


I will insist on seeing the doctor, and I wont say anything to school. I agree that this isnt ok for her, I went through it and had to suffer for years but because my mum "had it worse" hmm I got short shrift. FYI, my mum used to moan about the amount of tampons and pads I got through and accused me of wasting them because she didnt get through as many. WTF did she think I was doing with them?!

ConferencePear Thu 15-Nov-12 22:51:53

Is there no-one at school, her head of year, for example who you could tell in confidence ? If it isn't sorted by exam days you might be able to get special arrangements made for her if they know in advance.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 15-Nov-12 22:52:42

So sad for teen bogey. I was the same, I actually fainted a couple of times. It is miserable. Get her to the GP.

corlan Thu 15-Nov-12 22:55:20

Bogeyface - I don't know if all colleges do this, but my local college certainly looks at a student's attendance as part of their criteria for accepting them on a course.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Thu 15-Nov-12 22:57:43

I have suspected endometriosis as well (all the symptoms but decided not to have a laproscopy to confirm the diagnosis). I always had painful periods and felt lousy and it also gave me the runs. Since I have gone on the mini pill (after decades of putting up with it) I feel so much better. I wish I'd got it properly sorted out when I was much younger.

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:57:47

Conference that is a very good point, thank you, I hadnt thought of that. There is a very nice pastoral leader who I got to know very well when my son with CP was there, she made the arrangements for his exams.

DD likes and trusts her, so she might be a good person to talk to. I had to do exams through a bad one, which is when the humiliating experience happened. Leaving an exam room with a flooded skirt and a blood covered chair was......words fail me sad I wont have her put through that, I really wont.

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 22:58:56

I dont know why I didnt think of her exams, I suppose I just assumed that she wouldnt have her period then, but they are over 8 weeks, so why wouldnt she?

Feel bad now that I didnt even think of it.

marriedinwhite Thu 15-Nov-12 23:03:33

You need to take her to the GP and get this sorted out.

I am an HR manager in education. If a member of staff had one or two days off once a month, regardless of the stated reason, they would be referred to OHP. This would be to support them to achieve a reasonable level of attendance at work. It is not unreasonable to expect anyone to sort out an underlying medical condition so they can lead a full life.

Your daughter is unwell once a month; it is the 21st Century and you need to treat the underlying cause for it - or at least facilitate such treatment.

It is not acceptable to lie about the reason for the absence, to teach your dd it is acceptable to lie, to take time off school when it could be avoided or not to deal with this on behalf of your daughter.

Pannacotta Thu 15-Nov-12 23:03:58

I suffered from very heavy periods as a teenager and used to fret about leaking every month when I was at school - I did leak once but luckily I was wearning a dark skirt so it didnt show but still had to go home at lunch time to change. All very anxiety making...

Before deciding anything about school I woudl send your DD off to the GP to ask about tranaxeamic acid (spelling?) which helps reduce cramps and blood loss, it has helped me hugely since I stated taking it a couple of years ago. Taking this plus ibuprofen really does help for the first couple of days eahc period.

KeepYerTitsIn Thu 15-Nov-12 23:04:39

I don't think the school need to know any details particularly. They will probably have noticed a pattern by now and it's not unusual for girls to suffer badly with their periods. It's much more important that you take her along to the GP so that she can get some help. I had excruciating period pain from the age of 13 caused by endometriosis, always accompanied by sickness and diarrhoea, and didn't get any decent care or advice from our geriatric pisshead GP. Luckily things have changed a lot since then, and the right help could make a huge difference to her quality of life for the first day or so. And good on you for letting her stay home at those times. I'm forever grateful to my parents for listening and believing me, when many others thought I was being a bit of a drama queen.

Pannacotta Thu 15-Nov-12 23:05:22

And actually on reflection, I think you do need to tell the school as she is missing quite a lot of time which will make things hard for her.

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 23:05:31

We havent lied. I have given them the reason she has given me, and having seen her throw up whenever she tries to eat, she isnt lying either.

However, I do think that it is link to her periods.

We havent lied, I just havent told them my suspicions yet. And I have said that I will insist on the GP visit.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Thu 15-Nov-12 23:07:07

Info on treatments including tranexamic acid and ibuprofen

Bogeyface Thu 15-Nov-12 23:09:17

Thanks for the info.

As I said, going to the GP is the next battle (she is 15 wink ) but I want to know if I should tell school or not?

IvanaNap Thu 15-Nov-12 23:09:51

Is there metformic acid too, Panna ?
Basically there are a few options, OP as and when you do see GP.

Spatsky Thu 15-Nov-12 23:10:32

At 15 I would not have wanted detailed discussion with the school about my periods. I would take your daughter's wishes into consideration on this personally.

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