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to have told my 11 year old that no he cant have alcohol

(62 Posts)
mamamibbo Thu 15-Nov-12 22:17:52

after his teacher said she gives her (primary aged) children some now and then because if she doesnt then they will binge drink when they get older hmm

amazingmumof6 Fri 16-Nov-12 02:15:37

I'm sorry, I don't get this - pregnant mums should not drink alcohol to protect baby, but when baby turns into a 5-year old and it's ok to have sips of wine or beer or whatever.

I'm not convinced.

what's wrong with hot chocolate?

AdoraJingleBells Fri 16-Nov-12 02:29:24

WTF? I'd be speaking to the school if my DCs told me that, unbelievable.


DaveMccave Fri 16-Nov-12 03:01:29

It's not uncommon at all, I'm surprised how surprised you are. I was always allowed watered down wine when my parents had wine, from about the age of 7, or the odd stubby bottle of beer, because 'thats what french families do, and it takes the mystery away'. I was also encouraged to have a toke of my step fathers cigarette when I was about 7 because I was so intrigued, and they wanted me to be so utterly disgusted I never wanted to try again. I liked it and they had to pull it away from me. I also binge drink regularly. I don't think giving kids small amounts of weak alcohol-ie not let them get pisssed, is such a controversy, but I'm under no illusion that it 'works'.

Having said that, I never was threatened with strict discipline for drinking as a teen, so I was usually the first to leave a party where binge drinking was happening, because I wasn't too scared to go home and face the consequences, so although I still did and do binge drink, I took less risks than my peers.

LindyHemming Fri 16-Nov-12 06:58:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

altinkum Fri 16-Nov-12 07:03:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buttercrumble Fri 16-Nov-12 07:06:04


mummytime Fri 16-Nov-12 07:10:11

My kids have all been allowed a sip of wine at Christmas or other special occasions, from the age of 5. The 14 and 16 year old don't drink, and think it tastes "disgusting", the youngest isn't interested either (but she is more influenced by what her elder siblings do at present).

But I am shocked if a teacher told her class this, as it is unprofessional behaviour.

NulliusInBlurba Fri 16-Nov-12 07:39:07

Personally I think it's shocking that any parent would give their 11yo alcohol - how could you do that to your child? There are people who refuse to leave their pre-teen child alone at home for a few minutes, but then go ahead and feed them a damaging substance. I just don't get it. But yeah, according to the law that's your decision, so whatever. I think the legal position simply reflects the fact that alcohol and irresponsible drinking is tolerated in the UK far too much. But what is absolutely out of order is the teacher telling other people's children about her choices in such a way that those children are going to say 'Mum, why can't I do that too?'. That is appallingly unprofessional.

valiumredhead Fri 16-Nov-12 07:51:19

Ds has had sips of champagne and the froth of dh's Guiness and the odd sip of his wine ( I am tea total) I don't think it's big deal tbh.

cory Fri 16-Nov-12 08:30:02

I was confirmed when I was 11. Which involves Holy Communion. Which at least in those days was certainly alcoholic. I am not a binge drinker.

My brothers were agnostics, and consequently did not have any exposure to alcohol. They are not binge drinkers either.

Ds was allowed sips at home. He is not a binge drinker either.

Very stupid of the teacher to tell her class that they will become binge drinkers if they are not parented in a certain way. I'd complain about that.

VoiceofUnreason Fri 16-Nov-12 08:43:39

I think lots of young kids occasionally get sips out of dad's beer or mum's wine but only sips. Often they don't like the taste anyway and that's that. I seem to recall when I was 8 or 9 having a very, very small and very weak cider shandy.

I was reading about the rail guard sent down for 5 years for manslaughter yesterday when a girl who was leaning against a train slipped between the platform when it left and died. An awful thing. She was 16 and had apparently had a blood alcohol reading of around 240. The legal limit for driving is 80. She also had a small amount of drugs in her system. Her mother said: "'We have listened as our daughter was portrayed as being a drunken liability when, in all honesty, she did no more than what many teenagers do of a weekend - she went out to celebrate her friend’s birthday"

It's a very tragic thing. I feel sorry for the family. But it worries me greatly that the mother seems to think that there is nothing wrong in a 16-yr old being out and getting pissed.

The whole binge drinking situation is desperately worrying. I'm 38 and I remember what I was doing when 16 - 21 and me and my friends never behaved in the way I see so many behaving in towns and cities these days. Women completely plastered by 9pm. You sort of become a bit accustomed to men pissing in the streets after midnight. But I even see young girls pissing in doorways as early as 10pm.

I think there is a serious educational issue around alcohol that schools perhaps need to tackle in a different way? I don't know. But it worries me.

FTRsMammy Fri 16-Nov-12 10:32:18

Tbh I don't think it's her choice to do that which is the issue it's the fact that she thought it was appropriate to share it with a class of 11 yr olds. I'd be having a quiet word with her. What you then choose do regarding your own child trying alcohol should be your choice

Bue Fri 16-Nov-12 10:47:41

Bizarre that the teacher discussed this with pupils, but completely normal attitude - I was always allowed a mouthful of beer foam (definitely when I was under 5 - there was probably no law back then!) and would have a teeny glass of wine or beer on special occasions. It's what I'll do with my own kids too.

Bue Fri 16-Nov-12 10:49:41

Actually cory makes a good point. Are people also shocked by children taking communion? confused I took it from age 8. And it sure wasn't grape juice!

CheerMum Fri 16-Nov-12 11:00:06

My parents went along with the idea that letting me have a small glass of wine on a Sunday would remove the mystery of alcohol.
It didn't work and I spent many years as a heavy drinker.

They also made me have a puff of a cigar to show me how gross smoking was. That didn't work either and I spent years as a heavy smoker.

I've got things under control now but I think a lot of it comes down to the type of person you are.

(It'll be interesting to see what dd does as Dh is teetotal and has never smoked)

WaitingForMe Fri 16-Nov-12 11:04:18

I think my stepsons have tasted alcohol under our care once. I was making a casserole and DH had picked up some cider for it and let DSS1 choose the bottle. I only needed half of it so was splitting the rest between two glasses when I noticed DSS1 watching intently. I poured two minute measures and we gave one to each of the boys then aged 3 and 6. They declared it gross and it barely touched their lips. It's been 18 months and they've displayed no curiosity since.

We're just taking it as it comes but I was allowed small glasses of wine from about 11 and DH and I think that was reasonable. I'd be unimpressed with a teacher raising it in this way though.

WaitingForMe Fri 16-Nov-12 11:05:06

I meant tasted it once under our care. Obviously they have, I just think that was the only instance.

CheerMum Fri 16-Nov-12 11:06:59

Thinking about it, I suspect dd is going dh's way as she won't even drink fizzy pop, it's water or decaf tea for her

amazingmumof6 Fri 16-Nov-12 11:07:40

bue communion is different as it is has nothing to do with drinking.drunk issues!

Ragwort Fri 16-Nov-12 11:09:46

Very unprofessional of a teacher to talk to her class about this - if indeed it was discussed in a formal setting at school. (Would love to hear the exact context of the conversation).

Personally I do allow my DS to have the odd sip of wine/beer etc and my DM even gave him a sip of Pimms when he was 2 but if you choose not to then that this is absolutely fine and you shouldn't feel you have to justify your parenting decisions.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 16-Nov-12 11:12:32

YANBU. Up to you.

Bt there are plenty of "others do that" out there.

My DD's teacher apparently explained two weeks ago that DD was entitled to 6 pounds pocket money a week because she is 6 years, the 7 pounds for 7 years old, etc.

I killed that idea pretty instantly.

slhilly Fri 16-Nov-12 11:13:09

Many Jewish kids (including me and my DCs) have a sip of kiddush wine on Friday nights right from from babyhood. Rates of alcoholism are pretty low in the Jewish community. But heart attacks from too much fatty food are a different matter...

EuroShagmore Fri 16-Nov-12 11:22:24

I don't think it was appropriate for the teacher to say it to her pupils. But I do think that small amounts of alcohol from age 10 or so are not a problem. And it's not illegal.

amazingmumof6 just a word of warning - the people at university whose parents had a very strict approach to alcohol were the ones who went absolutely bonkers during Freshers week - couldn't control their drinking, had unsafe sex, etc. I think demystifying alcohol for older children is a good thing.

toddlerama Fri 16-Nov-12 11:44:50

I wouldn't care what my kids' teacher did at home. I think it's wholly inappropriate for her to be talking about parenting with the children. The motivation can only have been to get them to compare their own parents to her - it's not like she was training them to raise children of their own.

CaptainSolo Fri 16-Nov-12 12:08:03

My mother is from a European country where it was usual to have wine with meals long before it became popular in England. I was always allowed wine from about the age of 7. I took it because it made me feel grown up but in all honesty didn't really like the taste. I certainly didn't turn into a raging alcoholic and very rarely drink now.

On the other hand a friend of mine was totally anal about her children not drinking alcohol until they are 18. The 18 year old has gone to uni and 'discovered' alcohol (not helped by the student union selling three whiskey's for £3) and has already had three alcohol related trips to A&E in the last 6 months. He has no idea how much is too much or how to handle it. She is now reconsidering her no alcohol until 18 policy for the two younger ones............

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