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Surely DH is BU not me?

(64 Posts)
Jelly15 Thu 15-Nov-12 20:02:59

In over twenty years of marriage I can count the times I have been for a night out without DH on one hand. DH has never stopped me I just don't have that many friends who socialise without their DH's

DH and the other hand playes pool twice a week and drinks aroung 5 or 6 pints a those nights. He has been away a few times on weekends with his mates. I suppose I envy him his social life a bit.

I have been invited to a hen night soon and I may need a lift the mile or so home from the bus stop, no taxis in my semi rural area. DH is cross that I have asked him to pick me up if the bus won't make a detour as he was hoping to go out to a football match and have a few drinks himself.

A big row followed and I said he was BU but he totally believes I am.

I would appriciate your honest replies and I plan on showing then to him, if it his him who is BU.

lovebunny Fri 16-Nov-12 22:25:28

have your night out. then gather your evidence, anything of value and leave the bastard.

Whoknowswhocares Fri 16-Nov-12 21:52:33

I wonder if it isn't his way of ensuring that you don't go? What with nasty digs about your age and weight it seems he rather enjoys putting you down and attempting to drag your self-esteem into the gutter

Does he do stuff like this often? Does he like you going out or try to talk you out of it? I hope I'm off base, but this seems very passive aggressive to me

HebeJeeby Fri 16-Nov-12 21:16:28

I think you're husband has been very selfish and insulting and I can't believe that he would even countenance you walking home late at night on your own, even if it was just around the corner. I know my DH would insist on picking me up to make sure I was safe. Agree with another poster - book into hotel or stay with friends, or is it possible to book a minicab in advance? Even if I'd booked a taxi, I'd still be hacked off that DH didn't care enough/couldn't be bothered to want to pick you up.

mayorquimby Fri 16-Nov-12 10:26:04

yabu (apart from the insinuations about appearance)
You're an adult, you sould be capable of finding your own way home or just kip on someones couch

Valdeeves Fri 16-Nov-12 09:34:15

If my husband said that to me I think that would be the end of our marriage. He's tsking you for granted.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 16-Nov-12 09:00:10

Men are a bit like parachutes in my experience, if they don't help when you need them the likely hood of you ever either needing or wanting them again is slim.

Your dh is bur

valiumredhead Fri 16-Nov-12 08:50:52

Lots of places don't have taxis!!! grin

He is BU OP and a selfish twat.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Fri 16-Nov-12 08:28:55

DP just reading over my shoulder says your DH is being a complete twat and he is the one being ur, he should pick you up from the bus stop, and if he does want to drink then he should walk to the bus stop and walk you home.

So if you are showing this to your (d)h......

DH my DP says your a twat and should pick your DW up so that she can have a good night out without worrying about walking home, a few beers v wifes safety really isn't any contest!

SideshoBob Fri 16-Nov-12 08:26:17

I get the feeling this is one of those stories that if the other person told their side, it'd be a completely different reaction. I guess that the fundamental problem with AIBU is that you're only ever going to get one person's side which will no doubt portray them as the wronged party and turn it up to 11 on the unreasonableness scale.

I find it hard to believe in this example that you can't catch a taxi. I just don't. If you put a ball park area on where you live i'm sure someone on here will even be able to give you a taxi agency. If your husband was to moan about the cost of that then fair enough, he's an idiot, but there appears to be a very simple solution here.

I like for example how the OP doesn't tell us what the husband said, just that it implied she was fat. I'm willing to bet it was a whole lot more of an innocent comment than she makes out.

ChaoticismyLife Fri 16-Nov-12 08:14:32

zookeeper it's a mile from the bus stop not the location of the night out. Her friends may not get that bus or will have been drinking so not driving.

zookeeper Fri 16-Nov-12 08:05:36

I think this is more about your dissatisfaction with your DH - surely some of your friends could give you a lift as it's only a mile?

catsmother Fri 16-Nov-12 07:56:55

Selfish selfish selfish spoilt baby!!

OP - I know exactly what you mean about feeling anxious all night because you have a potentially unpleasant and/or scary journey home. In the past, I've actually turned down invites when I've had no alternative way home other than a journey which would scare me. Furthermore, if you do resign yourself to that walk, I for one would want all my wits about me and therefore wouldn't drink ... which again, depending on your outlook, could spoil the evening even more.

This is ONE bloody night out where you're asking for a little consideration and concern. He doesn't even have to cancel his night out - he can still go but simply not drink. That's all - big f***ing deal. Him forgoing a few beers vs his wife's personal safety - should be a no brainer.

Does he really not care, or do you think this might be a roundabout way of protesting that you're going out at all ? Is he hoping you'll cancel ?

HollyMadison Fri 16-Nov-12 07:38:50

Stay with one of the friends you're going out with or stay in a hotel and have breakfast in bed. Make a weekend of it. In fact, check into the hotel on the afternoon you're going out and have a bath and glass of champagne and get ready. Hey, I'm looking forward to it already! smile

sashh Fri 16-Nov-12 06:47:15

He should be picking you from town (or wherever the do is) nor meeting you from the bus stop.

I was going to suggest a hotel as well though - a nice one where you can go early and enjoy the pool, have a sauna and get ready for your night out.

Tactifer Thu 15-Nov-12 23:11:28

Should be your DH's chance to show what a gentleman he is and how much he appreciates you and wants to keep you safe. Lots of kudos for little effort. Looks like he blew it.

PaintedInRed Thu 15-Nov-12 23:03:48

put other people out and ask for lifts

It's not OTHER PEOPLE ffs it's her husband??!! OP, book yourself a nice hotel room if he's going to be that selfish about it.

SparkleSoiree Thu 15-Nov-12 22:44:25

Squoosh I started to post something similar to your thoughts but got so exasperated that it had to be explained that I gave up!

squoosh Thu 15-Nov-12 22:40:21

don't think it's fair to put other people out and ask for lifts.


He's her HUSBAND.
This is her first night out in an aeon.
She doesn't want to walk home in the dark and she shouldn't have to.

Bloody hell.

youkeepmehangingon Thu 15-Nov-12 22:35:16

For a mile I'd probably walk it, I'm quite an independent person and don't think it's fair to put other people out and ask for lifts. But then I'd never live somewhere so rural that taxis won't even drive there! Surely you must have known when you moved there that you'd not be having many nights out when transport options are so poor?

Can't one of the other girls on the hen night give you a lift home?

Timeforabiscuit Thu 15-Nov-12 22:30:03

Jelly DH - If your wife was happy to walk, she'd walk - but she isn't, regardless of what your views are she isn't comfortable with it.

She asked for your help - and you've let her down badly.

Jelly If your not happy walking get a nice hotel as above, your gut or fight or flight instinct has been honed over thousands of years please trust it,

You rarely walk the roads late at night
You are rarely out without your partner
You are even more rarely out with alcohol without your partner

You are being entirely reasonable and sensible about planning how to get yourself home.

Jelly DH - could you live with yourself if something happened, doing things like this for each other is what marriage is all about,

cutegorilla Thu 15-Nov-12 22:26:38

I remember my house mate telling me that it was impossible I'd be attacked walking home on my own when he wanted to stay over with his GF rather than them both walk back with me. I wasn't attacked as it happens, but our other house mate was doing the exact same walk sad.

Of course YANBU. And age and beauty has nothing to do with being attacked, and certainly nothing to do with being run over!!! Which tbh is more likely.

PomBearWithAnOFRS Thu 15-Nov-12 22:18:48

OI! DH of Jelly15 - I expect the bus driver who left that girl in Nottingham when she was 20p short on her fare thought that "nothing ever happens round here" too angry and the families of everyone who ever just vanished without trace too. How the actual fuck will you live with yourself if your wife so much as breaks a nail on the walk home, alone, in the dark, in whatever the weather happens to be, because you the man who is supposed to love and cherish her more than any other couldn't be bothered to get off your lazy arse and pick her up for once?
Do you really not care about her safety, wellbeing, and comfort? after twenty YEARS of marriage? you don't care? hmm

Jelly15 Thu 15-Nov-12 22:12:39

It is a rather creepy 20 min walk and it will put a dampner on the evening knowing I have that ahead of me. Even if he gives in I feel hurt that he is doing so under pressure rather than out of concern for me.

squeakytoy Thu 15-Nov-12 22:03:01

Dont go home. Stay at a friends for the night. smile

CaliforniaLeaving Thu 15-Nov-12 22:00:42

Complete and utter selfish bastard. After all his years of nights out and you want to go on one Hen night. YA so VVNBU.

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