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To be utterly sad and angry that nobody listened to my concerns.

(29 Posts)
Namechangingfornow Thu 15-Nov-12 17:38:21

I have had concerns for a couple of years about DC4 regarding his social interaction with other children and some of his behavioural traits. For instance he does not mix well with other children, hates eye contact, prefers to spend time with adults or older children. He also likes to play with pens and other household items instead of his actual toys. He is obsessed about wanting to know every minute detail about everything and uses very long words when they aren't really needed. typically over describes everything. He still has tantrums where he would lie on the floor kicking and screaming over really trivial things and his concentration is very poor. He doesn't settle well at school and is still crying and kicking up a fuss. He is 4 and in reception class since September.

I tried raising my concerns 3 times during his nursery year. Each time I was brushed off by her telling me that it was just his immaturity showing through as he is one of the younger children in the year group and it would sort itself out. The third time I approached her she actually turned around and said that she was not discussing it as I was imagining problems when there weren't any. Her parting words were that she had been teaching 20 yrs and could spot problems a mile off. To say I found her patronising would be an under-statement!

DS has now moved on to primary school and a few weeks ago his teacher mentioned at parents evening that she had concerns about him and basically repeated most of the points I made in the first paragraph. She seemed to be visibly relieved when we told her we shared those concerns. The ball has set rolling on getting him assessed to ascertain if there are indeed any problems which I strongly believe there are.

I just feel so bloody angry at this nursery teacher who refused to listen, we could have had some of this ironed out and a plan of action in place before he started school, as it is he is utterly miserable. AIBU in feeling pure naked rage toward her and her I know best attitude?

elliejjtiny Thu 15-Nov-12 21:53:13

YANBU. My DS2 has physical disabilities which I knew were there from when I was 6 weeks pregnant. The professionals all said it was all in my head, that I had AND, that all mums worry. My dating scan showed him alive but only moving when he was prodded. They all said, see we told you he was ok, I said his movements aren't right. Finally when he was 5 months old he was seen by a paed for failure to thrive. Paed said he also has low muscle tone and development delay as well. I breathe a sigh of relief that someone else is thinking the same as me.

This is different but I understand the rage you must be feeling and the feeling of being right when you wish you weren't.

morethanpotatoprints Thu 15-Nov-12 21:59:27


To believe that it would have been sorted any earlier. I do sympathise with you though as I know too well whats its like.
If I was you I would think myself lucky as others don't even get a diagnosis at school despite years of their dps fighting for one.
My ds finally got a statement for Aspergers at 17, in 6th form.

DrCoconut Thu 15-Nov-12 22:21:45

DS1 is finally getting an assessment at age almost 14, yr 9 at school. You wil have to keep the pressure on them to get anything done.

krystalklear Thu 15-Nov-12 23:21:24

YANBU to be angry. It's a huge issue that it usually takes years for parent concerns to be taken seriously, and early intervention is very important for autism. Many children don't get diagnosed until much later, in their teens, and they are at a high risk of being in the criminal justice system and of having severe mental health problems due to the lack of intervention and lack of recognition of their problems.

Use your anger to keep fighting, you will need it. Even with a diagnosis, there is no guarantee that you'll get support, particularly tangible, guaranteed support such as a statement or to get DLA. There are pockets of excellent provision for ASD (my DS attends a fantastic special school which specialises in high functioning autism) but it's not easy to access it. The system is also changing regarding how local authorities will provide support, and it will make it much harder for parents to get the kind of help a statement provides.

There is excellent advice on the Special Needs boards here, and other forums. Get the ball rolling regarding his educational needs by looking at the Ipsea website. Don't rely on the school to sort out assessments - you need to be pushing for them. And read as much as you can about autism - you won't get a lot of help in learning about it from your local authority - and your understanding of the condition will help him far more than any assistant in the school.

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