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To want to punch every single noisy opened mouth eater I come across?

(121 Posts)
twinkletoescare Thu 15-Nov-12 16:36:05

Ok maybe not punch BUT DEFO tell them how rude,bad mannered and annoying to anyone within a six mile radius it is?
Kids or elderly I don't's RUDE.

ilovemydogandMrObama Thu 15-Nov-12 18:28:57

totally agree.

Am stalling in inviting MIL who eats with her mouth open for Christmas. DH and I are already thinking up 'emergencies upstairs'

CotherMuckingFunt Thu 15-Nov-12 18:30:29

Bloody Nora, tetchy? Anyway....

I can't sit opposite or next to dh When he eats. He does this breathing in thing while scraping the food off his fork/spoon if it's hot. Drives m nuts.

But his worst offence is his ability to sound like a washing machine at the beginning of the cycle (when the water is filling and it slops from side to side) even when his mouth is closed.

HappyTurquoise Thu 15-Nov-12 18:32:02

A parent of one of DD's friends just said 'washing machine' whenever her DS ate with his mouth open, and he immediately closed his mouth to chew. She explained that she just asked him to imagine what it was like to see all the food he's eating going around in a washing machine, because that was the view she gets when he chews with his mouth open! DD loved the analogy and we've adopted the 'washing machine' alert for those moments when needed. grin

DublinMammy Thu 15-Nov-12 18:36:31

Cheers Cortana, you can't be too sure who has had a sense-of-humourectomy!!!!

applefalls Thu 15-Nov-12 18:50:29

Totally in agreement, OP.

Makes me want to pull out their teeth with pliers and no anaesthetic, sew up their gob with string and a rusty needle, leaving a small gap in which I will insert a high-pressure hose at mealtimes abd feed them liquid slop that way, at top speed.

But that's all happening in my head in case anyone feels offended. You'd never know how murderous I feel cos my gurning-with-disgust features are hidden under an opaque rain bonnet pulled right down to avoid splashes.

And my earholes are stuffed with loft lagging.

BatmanLovesHowlingAtTheMoon Thu 15-Nov-12 18:50:37

I am so glad I'm not alone!

Just remembered - also hate the banging of cutlery against teeth. I try not to be in the same room as DH when he eats cereal, as he closes his teeth over the spoon and scraaaaapes the food off. Lips! Use your lips!

Tressy Thu 15-Nov-12 18:55:53


cheekydevil Thu 15-Nov-12 18:59:08

Don't forget people who scrape the plate with their cutlery....and while we are on it people who say 'cutelry' smile

twinkletoescare Thu 15-Nov-12 18:59:24

This thread is making me chuckle!
I really thought I was the only one who had this phobia to the extent I do! Thrilled to learn I'm not grin

Everlong Thu 15-Nov-12 19:01:10

People who cough and don't cover their mouth whilst your eating.

Twice in the space of 30 seconds. Had to leave the fucking food.

DublinMammy Thu 15-Nov-12 19:01:34

Love that there is a scientific name for it - wold it stand up as a defence in court I wonder?

"Your Honour, I was compelled by my Misophonia to [insert violent verb here] the victim, I simply couldn't bear any more smacky-mouth noises"

Case dismissed?

DublinMammy Thu 15-Nov-12 19:02:05

Ahem, "would", sorry.

OwlLady Thu 15-Nov-12 19:08:02

I'm sorry, i think i have had a complete sense of humour bypass this week, maybe this month and was being aggressive and impulsive because I am so stressed out

I promise in future not to take things so personally. I do mean this blush

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 15-Nov-12 19:10:10

DH has started to put super hot food in his mouth and then do a slurpy intake of breath through his open mouth. Is this grounds for divorce? I think so. cother we could do a joint application.

Coughing over your food....there can't be a jury in the land that would convict you.

tremolo you need some desensitization therapy, life must be very hard for you . Mixing rice pudding and jam?

twinkletoescare Thu 15-Nov-12 19:10:40

Happens to all of us owlLady grin

Growlithe Thu 15-Nov-12 19:16:38

YANBU. I can't stand snifflers who won't blow their noses either. Drives me crazy. I could never be a teacher for this reason and admire anyone who is.

Tiredmumno1 Thu 15-Nov-12 19:18:40

Cortana, the wink after meant nothing. Honest. grin

TremoloGreen Thu 15-Nov-12 19:38:25

tas Oh no. What would the therapy consist of? Probably sitting in the middle of a circle of people while they all simultaneously licked a yoghurt pot lid. I think I would just spontaneously combust. grin

trixymalixy Thu 15-Nov-12 19:41:03

YANBU, my other pet hate is people who hold their knife like a pen too!

DublinMammy Thu 15-Nov-12 19:47:16

Oh no!!! Not the knife/pen people, Trixy. Had forgotten them....

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 15-Nov-12 20:00:39

grin I can do it for a small fee. I will sit in front of you and drink cappuccinos, eating all the froth with a spoon. Don't worry I won't tie you down.

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 15-Nov-12 20:01:03

that last msg was for tremolo btw

Shutupanddrive Thu 15-Nov-12 20:03:44

Also has anyone mentioned slurping? angry

ArbitraryUsername Thu 15-Nov-12 20:42:03

I cannot stand the sound of people scraping food off the fork with their teeth. It makes my skin crawl. So I put up with unfathomable closed-mouthed noisy eating but I tell anyone whose teeth are scraping against metal to stop or they're getting no more food.

*Onward bound*: my DH also has a big nose and nostrils... Maybe that is the source of the problem. He claims it's to do with the shape of the inside of his mouth. He doesn't seem to be able to prevent it, but it does make me feel quite stabby (especially when he's being annoying).

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 15-Nov-12 20:56:31

My former boss did this. Whenever there was a work do,we would fight not to sit opposite him. Once sat down nobody would move to go to the toilet or anything because the person sitting opposite him would move and then we'd fight over seats again.

How he didn't notice I will never know. He was an utter cunt. I loathed him. The chewing with mouth open and spraying people with food just clinched it for me.

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