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Help! mil trouble

(24 Posts)
SalL22 Thu 15-Nov-12 10:42:12

I haVE a baby girl and have given her a fave toy of mine from my childhood. Special one off toy, or i wanted it to be.
Mil has now giveb her THREE more of the the same type last one was biggest and best yet.
I am so hurt and upset that she has no regard for my feelings over ths
She even hid my childhood one and replaced it with something else she bought!
AM i just crazy or is their something deeper going on here?
Sorry for bad typing this is rushed.

WileyRoadRunner Thu 15-Nov-12 10:48:07

What was the toy?

SalL22 Thu 15-Nov-12 10:50:10

Lets say a teddy bear doesnt really matter what it is... I think it's more the principal of it that upsets me.Sorry for being vague :-(

WileyRoadRunner Thu 15-Nov-12 10:53:20

Well if it was say a teddy bear and your MIL gave your child another soft toy that was bigger then I would say YABU although hiding the one you gave your dd does sound very odd indeed.

Do you mean she hid it, you thought it was lost and she bought a replacement?

How do you know your MIL hid it?

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Thu 15-Nov-12 10:55:11

I'd be upset at her hiding my one. If its a teddy bear then I literally grew up with hundreds of different ones, so I wouldn't take offence at that one. But the hiding bit I would!

honeytea Thu 15-Nov-12 10:55:20

You are brave giving your baby your toy, my special childhood toy is high up hidden and my baby isn't even born yet. My mum thinks I'm crazy but I know the toy darling little lambie can't cope with another 10 years of child sucking/chewing/snot/vomit.

Maybe your MIL just wants to help you continue the tradition, I really wouldn't take it so seriously. Your DC will probably choose their own special toy (most likely somethign hideous that you have been given)

Fakebook Thu 15-Nov-12 10:56:07

Mil hiding it sounds a bit strange. Why on earth would anyone do that?

I always wonder if mil's change into these weird creatures once their sons get married? Or if they're always strange.

SalL22 Thu 15-Nov-12 11:04:59

It was definitely her. And no she got it anyway not as repacemtn.

SalL22 Thu 15-Nov-12 11:07:13

THanks guys...this really helps already, just to know a couple of you think the hiding is odd!
honeytea lol i know what u mean, she's careful though and i just wanted her to know its hers now so its in her room ;-)

ihavenofuckingclue Thu 15-Nov-12 11:07:36

So you gave you dd a doll and your mil gave her some from the same range? And you deem one of them better than yours.

Yabu. Sorry. Yours is sentimental its not all about 'bigger and better'

I think the item than it is, is you going to be relevant.

ihavenofuckingclue Thu 15-Nov-12 11:08:20

On the hiding it, yanbu.

But how do you know it was her?

SalL22 Thu 15-Nov-12 11:14:48

She was babysitting. Toy was where it always was before &afterwards it was gone. (Found now obvs lol this would be a compeltely diff thread if she'd destroyed it or something!!)

blackeyedsusan Thu 15-Nov-12 11:18:39

oo where did she hide it. was it put out of the way up high hidden from dd or hidden from you?

SalL22 Thu 15-Nov-12 11:22:28

hidden from dd :-(

maddening Thu 15-Nov-12 11:23:20

Something non specific like a teddy bear is a toy that dc will get a lot of.

The hiding your toy though is bizarre - did she give an explanation when you asked?

DeWe Thu 15-Nov-12 11:24:16

To me it depends on the toy.

If it's a teddy/doll type of toy. I had loads as a child, so do my dc. But I/they still could have one favourite. Bigger isn't necessarily better anyway. My teddy was nicer than my dsis because hers was too big to carry around. So yabu, unless she keeps going "don't use that grotty old thing, use mine, it's better".

If it's the sort of toy they only need/standardly have (eg ride on car) then yarnu

However if you have a special place for yours, like right next to the cot, and she took yours away and put hers there, then that is not on. Not for mil to say where your dd's toys should go.

honeytea Thu 15-Nov-12 11:26:05

Could she be worried about the old toy not being safe? When I look after kids and their parents have toys that I don't think are safe (mostly little playmobil bits and a younger sibling) I move the dangerous toy, I think it is up to the parents what toys they have but the stress of watching other people's kids around things I think are dangerous makes me stressed!

SalL22 Thu 15-Nov-12 11:35:15

I dont think bigger is better either and i hope dd prefers smaller anyway but if you could see the three new [toy name here!] that she has youd see what i's like mil knows that dd will prefer them and be excited by them when she hands them over.
and yes DeWe you're spot on - was on beanbag right by cot. WHich is why i was freaked out.

SalL22 Thu 15-Nov-12 11:36:18

honeytea, no definitly not haha she buys toys which are not age appropriate! my one is fine for dd :-)

FredFredGeorge Thu 15-Nov-12 12:19:16

As described your MIL liked your choice in toys, thought ooh DIL and DGD must like those I'll get her some more so they both know I care too.

Moving a toy doesn't mean it was hidden for nefarious purposes, it just means it was moved - and I don't expect a GP to always put them back in the same place, or even know they have special places. It could've been out of the way of DD 'cos DD was carrying with it when MIL picked her up to take her somewhere and MIL didn't like the risk of carrying both so put it down quickly. Or any other reason - or maybe she wanted her to play with other toys.

If you want control over what toys your child gets from other people, you can tell them that you'll need to censor it, but you can't just assume nefarious reasons.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 15-Nov-12 12:35:24

I don't think there is anything sinister in her gift I think she's just trying to do something lovely and possibly trying to show her support of your choices by getting the same sort of thing. If its stuff like a soft toy doll type thing it's not the same as intentionally trying to outdo.

It's more a oh that's a lovely xyz I'm sure dil will know I approve if I get xyz. Obviously I'm only guessing but I don't think she's being mean, odd for me as I normally agree with people with regard to gp's but hey ho.

The hiding is weird perhaps wait and see if it happens again before deciding she did hide it.

freddiefrog Thu 15-Nov-12 13:10:37

I guess it depends on your whole relationship with your MiL as to whether it's unreasonable or not.

MiL has done something similar twice

I had a beautiful old fashioned wooden rocking horse from my childhood. My parents had it all restored and it was passed on to my children. MiL appeared with a stuffed furry rocking horse that neighed when you squeezed it's ear

I also have a fab dolls house that was built for me by my grandfather when I was a child which I passed onto my kids. Mil bought them a new one from Toys R Us.

I wanted to pass on those things from my childhood to my children, with all my happy memories of playing with these things, and perhaps my kids would pass them onto their kids. But my stuff was 'old tat' that 'needs skipping'

On its own, it's not crime of the century, but coupled with all the other shit she pulls, it pissed me off.

Milvesrus Thu 15-Nov-12 13:11:24

Does she behave in this way about other things? You sound suspicious because you expect this behaviour from her.
If it's a specific type of toy e.g. lamb or elephant and she deliberately got sam that's mean. if a teddy, it's hard to know.
Do you know she hid it? Are you saying it's impossible for child to have moved it?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 15-Nov-12 13:38:46

THREE more of the the same type last one was biggest and best yet

No that's going over the top YANBU. One might be because MIL thought your old one was worn out or what a good idea, what fun to get another. Three, no.

11:07:36 I think the item than it is, is you going to be relevant.

Sorry, what?

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