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To give do half of this money?

(102 Posts)
moopoint Thu 15-Nov-12 07:45:29

I have a feeling I'm going to get flamed for this but anyway...

I started a uni course in September and applied for my bursary and help towards my child care costs. It's nursing so the bursary's quite good. Anyway, the child care help has just been sorted out and the payments have been back dated. Dp and I split the nursery fees. Should I give him half of the back dated payment (where it will be spent on nights out and other shit) or keep it for myself (and buy cheap, much needed winter boots and christmas presents)? He earns almost double what I do and we split all the bills for the house equally.

Obviously when it's time to pay the nursery I'll split the left over amount so we both pay the same.

Xroads Thu 15-Nov-12 07:48:42

In our house all money is both ours, are you still together or not? If not keep the money if you are together than you should still buy the stuff needed and not waste it hth

Svrider Thu 15-Nov-12 07:49:06

I have to ask why you split bills in half when he earns more than you??
Why are you desperate for a coat when he is spending money on going out??
This is financial abuse

In answer to your question, keep the money, but you need a re think on your finances

Is he an arse in other ways?
Does he know you are struggling for money?

ILikeToNameChange Thu 15-Nov-12 07:50:33

I echo everything Svrider says ^

moopoint Thu 15-Nov-12 07:50:43

We're still together but our money is very much separate, it's not the way I would like it but Dp is a bit of an arse when it comes to money. He sees it as his and mine.

OddBoots Thu 15-Nov-12 07:51:19

Put the back-dated money to one side for next time it is due as it might be late again so it is sensible to have a reserve, sort out the dividing up once the course is done.

Inebriatededna Thu 15-Nov-12 07:51:35

YNBU keep it and enjoy !

moopoint Thu 15-Nov-12 07:53:28

I do try and get through to him about finances but he just won't listen. He's terrible with money so I sometimes think I'm better off just sticking to what we do just now. In an ideal world he wouldn't buy crap and go out so much and we would have the same amount each left over after bills so its fair.

moopoint Thu 15-Nov-12 07:55:36

I'm just heading to uni so if I won't be able to reply straight away, I'm not being rude.

Nagoo Thu 15-Nov-12 07:57:26

his and yours makes the money yours.

Keep it.

Is it his baby?

valiumredhead Thu 15-Nov-12 07:58:16

He earns double but you split bills equally? That's crap.

ihavenofuckingclue Thu 15-Nov-12 07:58:25

I would keep it.

However I would not put up with a dp that was so selfish.

tbh its more like having a housemate than a partner.

moopoint Thu 15-Nov-12 07:58:34

Yep ds is his.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 15-Nov-12 08:04:44

What a selfish twit.

The way I'd see it: the nursery still costs the same, x amount. You each pay half. You (note 'you' not 'him') have been given a bursary now. It's your money.

But, mainly, what a selfish person he seems to be.

MammaTJ Thu 15-Nov-12 08:21:52

Keep it!!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 15-Nov-12 08:23:50

Normally I would say you should both have equal access to the money, but if your dp is being an arse, then keep it.

MunchMunch Thu 15-Nov-12 08:38:22

You keep it for yourself.

I've never understood how people can live with separate finances when living as a family. My db is financially abused by his dp and its so hard to see. She is nasty and mean in other ways and I really can't see why they are together as they have nothing in common (apart from their dd) and I've never seen any affection between them, I'm not talking get a room type of affection but a quick peck on the cheek, hold hands, arm around each other type of thing. In fact the closest I've ever seen them is sitting in the car together and then she often sits in the back. confused

Sorry for the rant but I've been dying to say it "out loud" instead of screaming it in my head. grin

I see this time & time again, I don't understand it. His money, my money, when you have DCs?

As soon as children are involved it becomes 'your money' - family money, everyone has equal access.

In fact, even before DCs, marriage, relationships - you share a life - you have financial parity - if not - where's the relationship?

What a nobber.


DH is my second husband, I came into my relationship with him with substantial assets, no DCs, he was earning bugger all when I met him, now I don't work, SAHM, he earns a hefty whack. It's always been a communal pot, absolutely no question.

Why would it be any different?

Unless you have inherent distrust.

Isityouorme Thu 15-Nov-12 09:24:49

Keep it ..... What an arse your DH is.

redskyatnight Thu 15-Nov-12 09:35:41

If your agreement with DP is to split the bills, then I think you should split the bursary.

However, as PPs have said, I think your financial agreement is very unfair and odd. I think your priority is to sort that out first and then the bursary money will sort itself out. If you'd had a more "usual" agreement where you both contributed to bills proportional to your salaries, or money went in one pot, this would be a non-question.

Collaborate Thu 15-Nov-12 09:47:36

The bursary is your income, whether it's earmarked for nursery or not. He's agreeed to pay half. He still has more disposable income than you. Keep it.

fedupofnamechanging Thu 15-Nov-12 09:55:52

I say keep the money and lose the 'd'p!

If there's one thing that pisses me off even more than unfaithful men, it's tight ones, who will see their partner struggle to pay for winter boots, while spending their cash on piss ups!

GobTheGoblin Thu 15-Nov-12 09:58:05

Keep it, your DP is an arse for all the above mentioned reasons.

moopoint Thu 15-Nov-12 12:11:34

Thank you for all the replies. I've decided against telling him about the money. At the end of the day it isn't to help him pay for anything, it's for me as a student. I'm being nice by not just deducting the additional support from my half of the nursery fees so we can both pay a bit less.

moopoint Thu 15-Nov-12 12:12:14

And I really need new boots, my feet are freezing and soaking in my tatty converse!

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