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AIBU to expect condolences

(91 Posts)
spiritedaway Thu 15-Nov-12 00:28:45

I informed my longish distance fiance my grandfather died today..i fully expected him to call on his lunch break. We habitually text throughout the day. He said i should have asked him to call. This eve a text to say hope you're ok and his phone is not working well...then when i eventually email and he replies i say i had expected him to call or get in touch somehow as i certainly would have if his grandmother had died..the blame is mine. He says i am being out of order to make him feel guilty and i know he is there if i need him.

snuffaluffagus Thu 15-Nov-12 17:31:37

I'm lost for words at his behaviour to be honest. I'm so sorry sad

spiritedaway Thu 15-Nov-12 20:11:54

i feel tired out with it. . has said since don't you dare bloody question my comitment when i spend all my bloody time running around to come to see you. i have kids and he has i house share to not practical to do it the other way.

spiritedaway Thu 15-Nov-12 20:15:35

sorry phone errors. . not on the lash ;) Also i pointed out although i said stuff to make him feel bad i actually gave a shit about hurting him even then apologized immediately. It took all day of texts from him pointing out the error of my ways until finally 7pm i get a text saying i accept your apology wish i was there to look after you. Yeah it's shit.

spiritedaway Thu 15-Nov-12 20:16:48

actually he didn't say don't you dare. . just don't you bloody question etc

LemonBreeland Thu 15-Nov-12 20:46:29

Please, please, strongly rethink your future with this man. He really is incredibly self centred.

Isityouorme Thu 15-Nov-12 21:26:08

Woah ..... Walk away now. Don't even think about it.

Sorry for your loss. Would have said it earlier but I was shocked by what your dt (darling twat) had said to you.

Katisha Thu 15-Nov-12 21:33:00

So its definitely all about him isnt it.
How gracious of him to accept your apology.
How gracious of him to bloody well run around seeing you.
How very grateful you must be that he bothers with you at all...

I'm sorry you are feeling drained by all this. I think however it sounds very much like you could do a lot better, or indeed be better off on your own, without having to walk on eggshells around a self-centred twit.

spiritedaway Thu 15-Nov-12 22:41:30

thanks all, for advice and condolences. . it's so lovely when people give a shit ;) x x

PurplePidjin Thu 15-Nov-12 23:02:44

Is his cock made of chocolate coated diamond that you should be so grateful for his attentions? hmm

HecatePropylaea Fri 16-Nov-12 07:02:46

Did you reply to his texts all day? Or did you ignore them?

If you replied, he probably feels you are suitably punished.

If you didn't reply, he probably thinks shit, probably pushed this one too hard, better give her some hope to cling to.

He's an arse.

you didn't say stuff to MAKE him feel bad. You told him that you felt let down - and you had a right to!

Instead of saying "yes, sorry, I should have at least acknowledged your loss" etc - he goes on the attack

He makes the pain of your loss all about him. He makes you feel bad for needing him! He makes him the victim and you apologise

He then treats you to a full day of spiteful texts before throwing you a bone. Which I hope to god you don't do what I think you're going to do and be grateful for it, feel happy he's forgiven you, etc.

Well, you are suitably punished now, aren't you? You've been made to feel like a terrible person for expecting your fiance to care about you. He's turned it round to a failure on your part, had you apologise, had you feeling like it's your fault, treated you to abusive texts all day and then deigned to forgive you hmm

I have the feeling that you're going to marry him regardless. you're going to take this fake apology as evidence that he loves you really. You're going to believe that actually, it was your fault.

And you'll be back here, in a year, in two years, detailing your marriage to a controlling and verbally abusive man. sad

I hope I am wrong. I really hope I am wrong. Because your life is going to be shit and you'll look back on today one day and you'll say I wish I'd listened back then.

Please. I am begging you! You have a chance to walk away and spare yourself the life many women on here have suffered. you don't have children with him. You don't have ties to him. You don't even live with him. It's so easy (compared!)

Don't walk into a world that women who are in would give anything to get out of.

mummytime Fri 16-Nov-12 07:24:06

Please come back and tell us you've dumped him.
And I am so sorry for the loss of your Grandad. Just remember life is too short, so go and live it the way he (Grandad) would want you to.

HissyByName Fri 16-Nov-12 07:26:03

You've posted about him before, i think?

HissyByName Fri 16-Nov-12 07:27:11

Please listen to Hecate?

spiritedaway Fri 16-Nov-12 09:30:31

hi. . i am listening. i haven't posted about him before. Thanks everyone. am reading through this text and not texting him good morning but feel very childish about not being the 1st one to text on principle.

spiritedaway Fri 16-Nov-12 09:31:04

i mean am reading throughh this thread x

justmyview Fri 16-Nov-12 09:40:29

Stay strong, don't accept stuff that doesn't make you happy just because you're anxious about being on your own.

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