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To tell my mum she's a crap grandma?

(34 Posts)
toofattorun Wed 14-Nov-12 18:59:20

It's my boys 4th birthday today and she hasnt called at all to wish him a happy birthday. We had a party last Saturday, but she should have called today or AIBU?

redskyatnight Wed 14-Nov-12 20:15:27

DS is 8. DD is 6. I am 40. My mum has never rung up to wish any of us happy birthday (ok, she probably said it to me for the 18 years I lived with her). Some people set a huge store by things like this, and others don't. I don't think it insolation it makes her a crap grandma.

CharlotteWasBoth Wed 14-Nov-12 20:18:02

My FIL (my DCs' only GP) wouldn't dream of phoning on a birthday, much less coming to a party. He wouldn't even speak to my 12yo on her birthday. Or ever. If we get together, he is only interested in talking to the adults. He's distantly fond of the DCs but that is clearly utterly bored by the concept of actually interacting with them.

Long story short -- there is crap, and THEN there's crap. YABU. Sorry!

dreamingofsun Wed 14-Nov-12 20:19:20

redsky - it'd be a pretty crappy birthday for your kids though if everyone took your mother's approach.

redskyatnight Wed 14-Nov-12 21:15:58

Well OP presumably made sure her DC had a good birthday. As did the people who came to his party. Grandma calling is surely just an extra smartie on the cake? Sounds like OP has other issues with her mum, and the non-birthday calling is a symptom of these.

PurpleGentian Wed 14-Nov-12 22:35:01

Did you remind her that his actual birthday was today? Some people are just rubbish at remembering dates.

If she knows it's his birthday today and was ignoring it deliberately, then that's pretty crap, but just forgetting it, in itself, wouldn't make her a crap grandma.

If it was my mum, I'd be contacting her and saying that I was a bit upset that she'd forgotten it was DS's birthday today. And then making sure to give her lots of reminders in the run-up to future birthdays so that she'd have no excuse for forgetting again.

greeneyed Wed 14-Nov-12 23:15:20

My mum lied about doing something else (a voluntary commitment) on the day of my sons 3rd birthday party which I asked her to come to (on his actual birthday) I was really hurt when I found out sad She obviously just thought it would be dull (no shyness issues she is certainly no wall flower) so I feel your pain it's rubbish BUT if she is a good grandma in other respects it's not a huge deal - I had actuaLly forgotten about it now 6 months later till I read this!

Disappearing Wed 14-Nov-12 23:39:07

I'm going to buck the trend here and say YABU. One thing I find niggling about birthdays is the constant stream of phone calls, interrupting the whole evening, sometimes I wish people didn't feel obliged to call, then we could get on with our day.

DH has a big family, and the whole lot of them call every b-day, which while it is flattering, does irritate me a little.

However, if nobody called, I'm sure I'd be the first to feel neglected, so I OP do see what you mean, especially if your mum is self absorbed generally. For me the b-day party indifference would be a bigger deal. I can't imagine being a Grandma, and forgetting a party.

Mathsdidi Wed 14-Nov-12 23:50:50

My MIL doesn't do birthdays, not anyone's. The one birthday we have celebrated with her in the 7 years I have been with dp was dp's 40th, and even that I had to phone her beforehand and arrange to pick her up so we could go out for dinner. Nobody ever recieves a birthday present or card or phone call. Yet she's a wonderful grandma in so many other ways, she would do anything for dd2 (and dd1 as well even though she is not technically dd1's grandma) and goes way OTT for Christmas. She just happens not to do birthdays.

My own parents don't phone on actual birthdays but do try to visit and bring presents at the weekend closest to the birthday. My kids much prefer seeing their gps in person rather than a phone call on the day when we're usually busy anyway.

Loveweekends10 Thu 15-Nov-12 04:52:19

My MIL is always late it's a standing joke. But whatever she is like let your kids have nice memories of their granny not tainted ones.

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