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AIBU contact to be supervised now

(12 Posts)
RiceAndP Wed 14-Nov-12 18:48:26

I have been horrified to find out that my dc father my exp has beaten up his girlfriend and she is now safe in a refuge thank god. I feel sick in my stomach to know that he has done this and scared for my dc. Surely his contact should now change as I do not trust him or want him around dc on his own. Does anyone know what the protocol is for this.
I feel so sorry for his partner as no women deserves this treatment. Also my main issue is to protect my dc. He has been violent to me in the past but this was not belived in court so it was let go. Why don,t these bloody people just listen and maybe he would,nt of done this.

Princessishavingababyboo Wed 14-Nov-12 18:56:04

Hiya, didn't want to just read and run, I think supervised contact is perfectly reasonable but I wouldn't know where to start, possibly legal advice? Good luck.

McChristmasPants2012 Wed 14-Nov-12 18:59:34

cafcass will arange this, not sure if it has to be done through court.

for me i would also demand he did anger management course.

McChristmasPants2012 Wed 14-Nov-12 19:00:09

littlewhitebag Wed 14-Nov-12 19:01:12

Go and get legal advice. It might be a good idea to take it back to court. Does his girlfriend have kids?

RiceAndP Wed 14-Nov-12 19:07:27

cafcass officer has been discharged. All along I said that he is not wired right and that he should be assesed for his anger problems, even the cafcass officer said he should not be displaying such anger still towards me (we split 5 years ago) and that he is unstable. Judge thought he was an angel and wouldn,t hear that he had been violent. I,m now scared for myself and looking over my shoulder. He will go off on one knowing his contact will be changed.But I can,t and won,t put my dc in danger of him. i,m so scared that he could flip out on dc.

RiceAndP Wed 14-Nov-12 19:17:14

No she doesn,t have kids so she can walk away as she should from the twunt. Unfortunately I can,t from this vile piece of shit. I have always brought dc up to never raise a hand to a women. It,s not right for dc to look up to this shithead as a role model.I,m ashamed of exp and don,t want anyone in rl to know I have a dc with him.

whatsforyou Wed 14-Nov-12 19:37:58

Not sure how it works if you are not in Scotland, up here it would probably be decided in the Civil Court and you should get a good lawyer. You could phone a local Women's Aid group and they may recommend one who specialises in children/family law with a particular interest in DA.
You need to try to show how he is a risk to the children as ridiculously it is often argued that the abuse is between the adults so there is no risk to the children.
If there are any other concern then you can contact SS (or in Scotland see if there are grounds for referral to the reporter) and they may well look into the situation.
Also, anger management is not helpful for men who are perpetrators of DA as it is motivated by power and control, not anger, hence the reason why some men can ensure they only hit their partners in non-visible areas or can switch from raging to calm and collected in seconds and why they don't 'get angry' with their friends, bosses, extended family. There are some specialist support services for these men but they need to want it and it is very hard to access without a court mandate.

RiceAndP Wed 14-Nov-12 20:29:58

would you let him be on his own with dc after this violence

whatsforyou Wed 14-Nov-12 20:39:46

If that last post was to me, absolutely no way. I work with children who have been affected by DA and many of them continue to see their fathers and not one has a healthy relationship they all continue to be abused, be it physical or emotional. I have had 5 year olds ask me what a slag is because 'that's what daddy tells me Mummy is'. Sorry, I don't mean to upset you but the reality is that children who do continue to see their fathers need a good stable home life with Mum and good coping skills.
Unfortunately I'm not a judge and I have seen some awful decisions made in court. Judges are not trained or experienced in DA and can be manipulated by clever lawyers. I cannot stress enough the importance of a good lawyer.
Oh and despite what Fathers For Justice would have you believe in my experience and in all the horrific cases I have been involved in I have never known a father to be denied contact even when the child has stated they are terrified of himsad

addictedtolatte Wed 14-Nov-12 20:57:00

agree with whatsforyou. get a good lawyer. my exp got a prison sentence for cultivating and possession of canabis but is still allowed unsupervised contact. with your case the judge will probably say violence was directed at adult not child. good luck op

RiceAndP Wed 14-Nov-12 21:43:35

thankyou whatsfor im in turmoil over this.I think its the shock of him being so violent as it was only 12 hours before that he had contact with dc then this happened. yes the violence was directed at an adult but he really is a lose cannon and the smallest of things kick him off. i keep my heart in my mouth every contact until my dc is back from him. i never trust exp at all fully as he is unstable and now this has happened I feel awful for her and my dc.
I dread rocking the boat with him as it could well be next on the recieving end of a beating if I dare to change the contact to supervised he tells me all the time that he will terrorise me.

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