Advanced search

Woman in her 40s ish just gave up her seat on the bus to woman who looked 60ish. WIBU to CRINGE!

(36 Posts)
Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:00:04

The older, very able-bodied woman accepted the seat, but if I was her I'd be wondering if I looked ancient right now...

Either the younger lady is just very nice...or it was an evil, passive aggressive move grin

Meandmycats Wed 14-Nov-12 19:53:06

My mum sometimes goes into London with a group of friends on the tube. She is 68 and I think the others are all similar. Often if there are no free seats someone will offer theirs to one of the women, and my mum says that usually shames encourages others to give up theirs. One day the first woman to be offered a seat took great offence saying 'how old do you think I am?!' etc. My mum told her the polite thing to do would have been to accept the seat, as that person will probably never offer theirs again.

SantasStrapOn Wed 14-Nov-12 19:44:51


Thanks dont.

dontquotem3 Wed 14-Nov-12 19:43:50

Sorry to hear of about experience Santa. I would have given you my seat, no eye contact necessary grin

foreverondiet Wed 14-Nov-12 19:28:13


She was being polite. I have been offered a seat (occasionally its true) on tube by men, (I don't look pregnant). I would do to, esp if getting off soon. Some people don't mind standing.

SantasStrapOn Wed 14-Nov-12 19:27:57

I would always offer my seat to someone who was older than me, or pregnant, or less physically able than me in any way. Always. And I expect my DDs to do the same.

I have never forgotten the misery of commuting whilst pregnant and hideously sick. Not one single person thought to offer me a seat, even after they heard me throwing up in the loos on the train. These were people I travelled with every bloody day for years, and I was visibly sick and pregnant. sad

nokidshere Wed 14-Nov-12 19:24:25

I would offer a seat to any adult who was standing to be honest - I still think I am 22 hahaha

Everlong Wed 14-Nov-12 19:22:56

Nice woman.

GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob Wed 14-Nov-12 19:22:05

I have and will always offer my seat to those older than myself or those who just appear to need the seat more (bags of shopping etc).

It's not a sodding comment on the other persons phsyical ability, it's just how I was bought up.

nailak Wed 14-Nov-12 19:20:51

my mum is in her fifties, looks younger, but she has lots of health issues wich aren't obvious, and she has to run around after 5 year olds all day!

So if I see a woman a similar age and I am able to give up my seat I will.
If I have my 2 year old sitting on my lap and the buggy is folded I wouldn't, as I have shoulder problems, and carrying him while holding on to keep balance would probably cause my shoulder to dislocate.

Hulababy Wed 14-Nov-12 19:17:28

I offer my seat to anyone who appears a bit older or struggling for whateveer reason, to parents with babies/toddlers, etc.

But then I like it if I am offered a seat too. I have arthritis and it affects one of my knees and can make standing harder at times. I don't look particularly old and probably don't look like I am struggling most of the time - but I accept if offered.

dontquotem3 Wed 14-Nov-12 19:05:55

Ophelia Yes, there are still some people who can be, and are, nice for the sake of it smile

Just today I offered my seat to a lady on the Victoria line. I guessed her to be in her late 50s. She looked a little worried/weary/vulnerable (oh I don't know, there was just something about the way she looked) as she saw that there weren't any seats left, so I offered her mine.

She thanked me profusely and we conversed for the next two stops. In that time I learnt that her name was Charlotte and that she was visiting from Memphis Tennessee. And some other stuff.
I continued on my journey. This was around half ten this morning.

On my return journey (four hours later), as I was getting off the tube at Victoria, a lady caught my eye. I thought "I'm sure that's the lady I saw this morning". So I called out her name, and sure enough it was the same lady! We chatted some more, then I smiled the rest of the way home. Hope she did too. grin

lamename Wed 14-Nov-12 19:02:20

People offer me seats on the bus - the tube, even - the whole time. I am 44. But I do look really, really wobbly - hideous balance, see.

grimbletart Wed 14-Nov-12 18:50:10

I am 69 and, thank goodness, have never been offered a seat - I would be off to the quack's (or the hairdresser's) sharpish if that happened. I am probably fitter than half the 40 year old couch potatoes I see around these days.

However, if I were offered a seat, I would probably smile sweetly, say thank you (through gritted teeth) and sit down - all because I was brought up to be polite and not make others feel uncomfortable, even if inwardly seething.

I can't wait for all you 40 somethings to reach your 60s and discover that are not in fact some doddery old bird in God's waiting room, but still have your feet and your marbles.

Remember how, when you were 10, 30 year olds had one foot in the grave?
Then you learned that 30 was not so bad when you got there. Well, apply that philosophy to 60 year olds now you are 40.

Just saying....grin

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:48:56

That's my point AThing, so would I, but she didn't look like she needed it.

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:47:45

Flogging, i'm not too sure what you mean by graceless, or what you thought I meant by cringe...?

AThingInYourLife Wed 14-Nov-12 18:47:18

"Depends on whether you interpret "You are older than me" as a mark of respect/consideration, or an insult."

Well said.

I hate standing up. I really hate it, but I would give up my seat to someone who looked like they needed it - if they looked tired or peaky or had a lot of shopping.

I most needed seats in early pregnancy, but nobody knew sad grin

Latinamommy Wed 14-Nov-12 18:46:22

No no I don't think you're MEANT to be offended at all, and if in our culture it was the done thing to be super respectful to anyone who is older than us I wouldn't have batted an eyelid.

I just know my 60 yr old mum would have been mortified so I guess i'm projecting her feelings onto the older woman.

I also think if the younger woman had said something like, "hi, i'm not going far, would you like my seat", I wouldn't have thought twice, but she didn't say anything or smile, just automatically stood up. I'm sure she was just being nice smile

Floggingmolly Wed 14-Nov-12 18:44:39

Cringe, really? hmm. How totally graceless you sound.

CremeEggThief Wed 14-Nov-12 18:39:06

What, so now you're meant to be offended, if someone politely offers you a seat? confused

Conflugenglugen Wed 14-Nov-12 18:37:55

When it's one of those situations where it's a grey area - i.e. the person might take offence at being offered a seat - I will say to them, "Please let me know if you'd like my seat." That way, they have the choice, and they know the option is there, but it doesn't belittle them. I said this to a cerebral palsied man on the tube the other day, who told me he was fine standing.

pumpkinsweetie Wed 14-Nov-12 18:37:34

It's called being polite yabu!

MrsCantSayAnything Wed 14-Nov-12 18:37:32

hmm I'm 40 and I certainly stand up when a woman of 60 plus say, the bus stop or something.

Why wouldn't I?

PeshwariNaan Wed 14-Nov-12 18:37:09

Damn, I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm lucky if I get a seat on the bus.

I've offered seats to people who looked pregnant before and might not have been, but surely they can decide if they need a seat or not? Better safe than sorry.

OwedToAutumn Wed 14-Nov-12 18:36:31

She was being polite.

The older lady could've politely said "no" but chose to take the seat.

Happy outcome all round.


Hesterton Wed 14-Nov-12 18:34:58

I'm 50. I offer my seat to people who are pregnant, people with small children and those who look very tired. I get up and say, you look tired, have a seat and smile. They have always said thank you and smiled back. They usually take the seat. Nothing passive aggressive at all.

A couple of times a younger woman has given me a seat. I don't think oh gosh I must look old, I just think what a respectful young woman, she sees I'm her mum's age or whatever and that maybe I look as tired as I usually feel at the end of a days work. And so I say thank you and accept the seat graciously.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now