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Pregnant friend smoking weed.

(114 Posts)
firefliesinjune Wed 14-Nov-12 14:39:49

I really dont know what to do about this. Its about my friend - well we aren't really close - we are neighbours who get along ok, our oldest DS go to school together.

She is nearly half way through her pregnancy but she is still smoking weed and quite a lot. She isn't "stoned" all day long she actually works most days but mostly in the evening she is smoking a lot of weed. I know this to be true as we have talked about it. She says she is too stressed to stop. Her husband smokes too.

Just recently she had very bad stomach pains and she has told me that this pregnancy is more painful than her last. I worry about the effects on her baby.

She knows I dont really approve but she isn't really the sort to care. I dont know whether I should maybe mention my concerns to the family mentor at the school who knows us both and is a really nice lady? I just feel so awful knowing she may be damaging her baby and I am not doing anything about it.

Should I be minding my own business?! If its none of my business then tell me and I will accept that and try not to get involved. I am not a busy body or gossip but this has been playing on my mind.

I dont have anything against cannabis to be honest, as long as you aren't harming anyone you can do as you like I dont care but she is harming her baby isn't she?

Any advice gratefully accepted!

firefliesinjune Wed 14-Nov-12 18:08:12

She does know the harm - she is actually a nurse. I agree its up to her what she does it is her choice - but I also feel that its not really fair on the baby - the baby doesnt have a choice does it?!

We have many mutual friends though only 1 knows she smokes weed. I might have a chat with that friend and see what they think. Maybe we could both have a chat with her in a round about way.

And it is quite strong weed. It is very smelly and green. Lots of crystals on it.

She said she smoked a bit when pregnant with her oldest child and he is ok. He has some behavioral issues but then again their house has had a lot of drama over the last few years I have known them, so not necessarily anything to do with weed.

Thanks for all replies.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 14-Nov-12 18:11:01

I agree with Dahlen.

Cannabis is illegal. It was before her pregnancy. So if you didn't feel tempted to report her then why does her being pregnant make such a difference? Would you report her for smoking just tobacco? Probably not.

I deeply disapprove of what she is doing as well by the way.

valiumredhead Wed 14-Nov-12 18:12:57

Is cannabis illegal still? I thought you could have some as long as it was for personal use and not kilos of the stuff <old giffer>

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 14-Nov-12 18:18:30

Poor baby!! I would report to social services. She shouldn't be allowed to be a mum.

JoTheHot Wed 14-Nov-12 18:21:17

Could someone explain all the damnation and disapproval. I knew nothing about this 10 minutes ago, but can't find anything credible showing marijuana to be problematic to a foetus.

firefliesinjune Wed 14-Nov-12 18:25:40

Yes cannabis is still illegal!

And I dont have anything against it either. I didnt want to report her before as it was just herself she was intoxicating and thats up to her - she wasnt harming anyone else.

Now there is a little baby being intoxicated (possibly?) and that makes me concerned!

I really have no care what people do as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. I just keep thinking about her telling me about these pains she is getting etc and it makes me wonder if the smoking is causing it?!

She did see the midwife about pains and they said all seemed ok just "normal" pains but I doubt they know she smokes!

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 14-Nov-12 18:27:15

Why would anyone think it's a good idea for a child to grow up with parents who are stoned?? How can they look after their children properly if they are sitting getting stoned every night? It's bad enough to be doing that even when you aren't pregnant! And before anyone says that it is no different to alcohol, I don't think kids growing up with alcoholics is a good idea either!

firefliesinjune Wed 14-Nov-12 18:27:16

I dont know if it is damaging to baby - I guess it cant be great?

goralka Wed 14-Nov-12 18:31:36

Poor baby!! I would report to social services. She shouldn't be allowed to be a mum
fgs would you say the same about someone who was drinking a glass of wine?
get a grip.

OwlLady Wed 14-Nov-12 18:32:38

I can't find anything damning about it being used in pregnancy either confused

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 14-Nov-12 18:40:16

I would say exactly the same thing if someone was drinking every night! A one of glass of wine is fine, drinking every night not so! angry

whatsforyou Wed 14-Nov-12 18:40:37

Actually as a family support worker I would be concerned about a parent regularly using a mood altering substance and claiming it's because they're stressed. It would make no difference to me if it was alcohol, hash or whatever else they may fancy! If it is having an impact on their parenting then it is a concern. I have worked with 3 year olds who show all the signs of being stoned and who reek of stale hash smoke. I have also worked with children who haven't been fed breakfast or changed from the day before due to parents being hungover.
One isn't worse than the other, they are both unacceptable. And like I said before, although the unborn baby is a concern, I'd be more worried about the child already here.

MrsTwinks Wed 14-Nov-12 18:42:57

re: damage being done and all those quoting studies, it would depend on what she has, so studies might be useless. Alot of stuff is covered in so much chemical crap (I don't smoke, my folks are old time hippies and have told me this). So unless shes 100% certain of her source theres likely all sorts of chemical crap on there.

My mum smoked weed when she was pregnant with me and my brother, and while we seem ok we both do have alot of those minor medical issues (bad lungs, poor circulation, weak immune system etc) and I have some very wierd stuff (v specific so i dont want to meantion and out me) which I believe is because of her taking drugs. Cannabis in itself might be ok, but shes potentially also putting god knows what chemicals into her body so YANBU.

Also if shes using it because shes stressed etc IMO thats as bad as someone who "needs" a drink to de-stress and can't do without it. A self-medicator and addict. I mean dont get me wrong sometimes everyone can need a drink but its the not being able to stop.

LucieMay Wed 14-Nov-12 18:52:01

Do people find it any different to smoking tobacco throughout pregnancy and around children? Would people report that to social services? Would social services take any interest? I can't quite work out where I stand on this.

goralka Wed 14-Nov-12 18:53:35

Theres a difference between a parent who has a sneaky joint at night to someone who is puffing straight fags all day the car, isnt there?

OwlLady Wed 14-Nov-12 18:55:43

I doubt social services would do anything, they ignore families in crisis here, I can't see them getting over excited about a joint a night tbh

OwlLady Wed 14-Nov-12 18:57:26

actually the op has said a lot of weed not a sneaky/one joint, so it may make a difference. I don't know though. My mate has custody of her grandson who was born with FAS, but that was obvious iykwim

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 14-Nov-12 18:58:38

I think it is different to tobacco- it alters your mental state and therefore your parenting capabilities. It also sets a really bad example. I know I certainly wouldn't want my children around it.

ErikNorseman Wed 14-Nov-12 19:06:59

If you do report her, it will be end of the friendship. Undoulbably she will hate you for ever. If you report her the school then the school will inform social services. Social services may well take way her children if she and her partner makes no effort to stop smoking canabis. There is little doult that it will cause her "trouble"

That won't happen. Social services a) won't get involved unless her cannabis smoking impacts on her parenting to a dangerous degree (highly unlikely) and b) until the baby is born anyway. Never in the history of social services have children been removed just because their parents smoke cannabis.

Smoking cannabis is not really worse than smoking tobacco. Both are stupid and irresponsible while pregnant, but there are actually no grounds whatsoever to believe that cannabis is harmful to foetuses. I know it seems likely that it does, but no evidence has ever proven it.

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 14-Nov-12 19:11:29

I wouldn't actually worry about the friendship- I can't imagine ever being friends with someone like that to begin with. I would focus my concern on her two children growing up in a home with two stoners.

ErikNorseman Wed 14-Nov-12 19:34:23

My parents smoke cannabis. My mum has smoked daily for 40 years (probably while she was pg, I never asked)
I am a masters student, my brothers are all in management (bupa, restaurant and supermarket) and we are all very bright, well adjusted and had a great childhood. I'm not recommending it, I'm just saying that a mild addiction doesn't necessarily mean you are a poor parent.

Bumpstart Wed 14-Nov-12 19:44:09

I'm not impressed with either study quoted so far.

The Cleveland clinic website gives no details about the trail. The other one strikes me as partisan, and extremely small scale.

Has anyone got any other studies to quote on here, or do we go with Wikipedia, and agree that other that potential lower birth weight, there is no proven health implications for the unborn child?

Therefore tobacco and alcohol are not comparable vices.
Fwiw I do not approve of dope smoking parents. But if they are managing to hold a demanding job down, I would imagine they were pretty functional.

The concern I would have is whether or not she is seeking medical advice for the pain. If she is self medicating, or reluctant to seek advice because of her self medication, that is not a good sign.

DaveMccave Wed 14-Nov-12 19:48:24

Is she smoking it with tobacco? If she is, I'd try suggesting she smoke without first.

I used to be really disgustingly horrified about people that smoked it in pregnancy, but then I researched it was surprised to discover that there is no evidence that it harms the baby at all. It's much safer than drinking. The risks are with the tobacco, if she isn't smoking that then i'd stay out of it.

gimmecakeandcandy Wed 14-Nov-12 19:57:59

Yanbu at all and I too would report her to the social services - what a total, irresponsible twat. She doesn't deserve that baby, and she's a nurse too!

Bumpstart Wed 14-Nov-12 20:11:23

Scarlett. I wonder if you would really like to live in a country which didn't allow its citizens to have children on arbitrary lines.

I'm glad I don't.

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