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about being told not to bring DD?

(117 Posts)
Huia Wed 14-Nov-12 09:49:57

I am on maternity leave with 12 week old DD.

A friend from work is getting married soon. A woman we both work with has sent an invitation via Facebook for a celebratory lunch at a restaurant this weekend, mainly for people we work with.

DH said he will look after DD while I'm out, and I was looking forward to catching up with my workmates without a baby in tow.

I posted on the wall saying it sounded lovely and I will come.

Another woman then posted on the wall saying "Oooh Huia, you should bring BabyHuia!"

The woman organising the lunch sent me a private message almost immediately after the other woman's post, saying "I don't mean to sound rude but I think most people would really rather that you don't bring your baby. After all, this is supposed to be [bride's] day, not yours."

AIBU to be a little bit hurt by her message? I quite possible am - I do have PND and at the moment I'm finding it very hard to judge whether my feelings are reasonable.

Justforlaughs Wed 14-Nov-12 09:52:54

I'd go and enjoy the email without baby, don't be hurt by her message I'm sure she didn't mean to upset you, but as you have said yourself you were looking forward to a night out without the baby. If you think it's appropriate you could ask your DH to drop you off with the baby in teh car and then your friends who want to can go and drool for 2 minutes without impacting on the big night. Go and enjoy yourself!

pigletmania Wed 14-Nov-12 09:53:56

That is just plain rude. I would have messed her a short curt reply saying that I was not planning to so don't panic, in a sarcastic way

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Wed 14-Nov-12 09:55:10

I wouldnt worry about it - she is only trying to be helpful

valiumredhead Wed 14-Nov-12 09:56:37

VERY sarcastic message back stating you are quite aware it's the bride's day and that's why you have arranged alternative care for the baby, and if you feel really brave I would finish it off with - 'and I didn't need you to point it out to me!'

KatyPeril Wed 14-Nov-12 09:56:39

She probably could have worded that better!

AitchDee Wed 14-Nov-12 09:57:38

Not rude at all. Most people really wouldn't want you to take your baby along. would you have preferred to take her along and have people muttering about having a baby spoiling their lunch?

redskyatnight Wed 14-Nov-12 09:57:50

I think YABU, sorry. I think it's reasonable that this has been organised as a child-free activity, and she is politely (within the limits of PMs ) asking you to not being the little one. Since you weren't planning to bring her anyway, I'm not sure why you are hurt? I'm sure if you wanted to show off your baby, your work friends would be happy to come to another lunch or similar event?

BonkeyMollocks Wed 14-Nov-12 09:59:15

Brush it off and go for the lunch.

ImperialStateKnickers Wed 14-Nov-12 09:59:16

She may not have meant to sound rude but she bloody well succeeded! Like ValiumRedhead's strategy.

MissWinklyParadiso Wed 14-Nov-12 10:00:25

No don't post sarcastic messages, it'll only lead to atmosphere on the day. Yes she could have worded it better but she did message you privately and she was only saying what you already knew - that it wasn't a 'baby' event.

Jingleflobba Wed 14-Nov-12 10:04:05

Just message her back and say you weren't planning to and what gave her the impression that you were? be nice and breezy about it and laugh it off when you see her. I think she was being rude tbh YANBU

AThingInYourLife Wed 14-Nov-12 10:06:00

"After all, this is supposed to be [bride's] day, not yours."


Why add that little bitchy nugget?

It wasn't your suggestion to bring the baby. I'm not surprised you feel nettled. She's basically accusing you of stealing the bride's thunder because someone else said you should bring your baby

Do you still want to go?

I think YANBU to feel a bit put out by it even though you weren't going to take baby. It's just the implication that she thinks you might be all PFB about it when in fact you're not at all. I would totally ignore the pm, don't lower yourself to their level.

choceyes Wed 14-Nov-12 10:08:34

That is really rude. I wouldnt dream of telling people when they can or not bring their 12 week old baby. I completely understand why you would want to go without baby however, but this woman could have worded it in a more polite way. I would be upset at that kind of message even if I didnt intend to take the baby anyway.
Besides the point, but don't 12 week old babies mainly just feed and sleep or sit on your lap if they are awake anyway? They don't get in the way at that age do they...maybe I just had easy babies. After they start crawling/walking, then no way!

SecondRow Wed 14-Nov-12 10:09:07

Has the woman who sent the message met your baby herself? Because if not, it would be satisfying to reply "don't worry, this will be a baby-free lunch, everyone who's interested in BabyHuia has already met her smile"

ChippingInLovesAutumn Wed 14-Nov-12 10:10:29

What a cow. What she said was nasty and I'm not surprised you were hurt sad Bitch.

You should reply with something like 'If you have to start a sentence with 'I don't mean to be rude...' you know you are going to be. You don't speak for 'most people' actually and it would pay not to assume you do in future, that is also rude. Whether I bring x or not is none of your business'. Do not give the stupid cow the satisfaction of knowing you aren't taking the baby smile

I would almost be tempted to take the baby, but wouldn't as you were looking forward to catching up with workmates without the baby (Good on you! That is normal, healthy and a great idea!). It might distract from it being 'the brides day' but if I was the bride I'd love you to bring the baby and wouldn't feel or care about being 'upstaged' but somepeople just love being the centre of attention and would sulk grin.

anklebitersmum Wed 14-Nov-12 10:11:28


You weren't taking the baby and even if you were considering it it's the Bride's place to say "please don't" not hers.

Ignore her and her poisonous message would be my advice. Don't sink to her level.

MummyPig24 Wed 14-Nov-12 10:11:41

She was rude but I'd just forget about it if I were you. Go and enjoy yourself.

DragonMamma Wed 14-Nov-12 10:12:49

I don't think the request is unreasonable but she could have worded it much much more tactfully than that.

ChicMama25 Wed 14-Nov-12 10:13:16

YANBU, it's not her place to say that! What an interfering bitchy cow. Just say you weren't planning to bring baby anyway. Your friend that asked you to probably didn't think about it and was just excited to meet your baby.

AngelWreakinHavoc Wed 14-Nov-12 10:13:17

yabu. I'm sure she didnt mean to offend you and just said what everyone else was thinking.

toofattorun Wed 14-Nov-12 10:13:31

I would send her a message back saying:

"go fuck yourself, you interfering, bossy bitch whore from hell"

"I just read your message. I had no intention of bringing my baby. Oh, and for the record, I knew who's day it was --you cunt--"

Astelia Wed 14-Nov-12 10:14:34

Perhaps it might be time for the MN classic did you mean to sound so rude?

She sounds rather superior and not remotely friendly. A gentle reply might be the best option. Something like jingle suggests. Diplomatic but pointed.

doctordwt Wed 14-Nov-12 10:14:38

I'd reply:

'Dont worry, I already have childcare organised and wasn't planning to bring the baby. For future reference, if you happen to be keen on not sounding rude, leaving out your needlessly bitchy second sentence would have achieved your aim. Hope that helps! See you at the meal.'

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