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I want to move my DC school because of DP sister....

(25 Posts)
surfingbabies Wed 14-Nov-12 09:39:51

My DC are in yr 4 at primary & I want to move them to another local primary school because about two yrs ago my DP & his sister fell out over something pathetic & some comments she'd put about not being able to rely on family when I said no to her for the very first time because I'd lost someone close. We have tried too many times to sort it out but she throws it back in our face so the last 7 months I haven't bothered as when we discovered we were expecting she didn't even congratulate me! I used to look after her 3 dcs regularly and when they fell out she would pull them away from me which broke my heart! She doesn't wave, smile, say morning......this upsets my 3 dcs and me if honest but I've come to a point now where it's getting to me as I see her 5 days a week! I'm wishing my dcs lives away as I can't wait for them to start big school so we no longer hav to put up with her childish behaviour and if they have things going on in school I don't get involved anymore as I find her sour looks and rudeness not a good example in front of my dcs so I drop them at the door and leave! Would I be wrong to move them??

WorraLiberty Wed 14-Nov-12 09:43:06

What do the children want?

It would be a shame to have to leave their friends behind and start again in a different school just because the adults have fallen out.

Actually it would be a bit pathetic don't you think?

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 14-Nov-12 09:45:46

Sorry, his sister is an idiot but you need to get a grip. So what if she makes a spectacle of herself with her rudeness? You need to blank her and get on with your life. To be considering disrupting your children in this way overthis is unfair to your children.

EchoBitch Wed 14-Nov-12 09:49:57

Pathetic is a bit harsh but i would simply ignore her if she's rude,i wouldn't move their schools.

surfingbabies Wed 14-Nov-12 09:50:14

Yes that's what I thought, think I'm just over emotional today with being heavily pregnant & just come from drop off after being blanked and made to feel like the poo on the bottom of her shoe! I just needed someone to tell me to snap out of it!
I have to say though her behaviour is pathetic and not worth the stress but its draining as I have to put up with it most days sad

BadgersBottom Wed 14-Nov-12 09:52:25

Do not ALLOW her to make you feel like poo or anything else. Smile sweetly and get on with what you're doing - that will end up with her looking stupid and you looking completely reasonable. She sounds like a bit of a silly child herself!

shewhowines Wed 14-Nov-12 09:52:43

Annoying, but rise above it and be the better person.

EchoBitch Wed 14-Nov-12 09:52:50

It is horrible having this to encounter every day and Worra,not everyone is made of such stern stuff as you obviously are.

surfingbabies Wed 14-Nov-12 10:00:52

Echobitch I'm not made of stern stuff at all, I hate any ill feeling at all. As an adult I have never fallen out with anyone and I have never experienced behaviour like this EVER so I have no idea how to deal with it! I couldn't imagine not speaking to my sister & nephew but she obviously doesn't care and I find that so hurtful. I'm now expecting her neice or nephew which you'd think she would have used as an excuse to come and talk to me but it seems to have got worse as I used to wave when in my car, smile and say morning/afternoon every time I saw her.....she wouldn't speak or smile but I'd get a nod but since I've been pregnant I just get a blank look so I've stopped it all now as my dear friend who witnesses it all said I looked desperate & needed to move on and forget her sad

Groovee Wed 14-Nov-12 10:05:33

I've not spoken to dh's SIL for nearly 4 years after she once again went too far and I said enough was enough. She tries to cause problems but she gets ignored.

Just hold your head high and ignore her xx

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 14-Nov-12 10:10:56

Your friend is right.

surfingbabies Wed 14-Nov-12 10:17:03

Groovee that's great to hear someone else is in my position! She upsets everyone, when we were speaking she had fallen out with a group of friends/mums which I have to admit made me go home & cry to my DP as I couldn't understand how people could treat each other like that! I made her promise me she would never do that to me but to just sit me down and talk as nothing is worth falling out over.......she broke that promise sad
She's fallen out with family which is heart wrenching to witness as her DC suffer constantly!
I can handle the not speaking as I was secretively glad when they stopped coming round as her DC are so naughty & would break my DC toys, hit, bite, kick, be rude........awful!! It's the ill feeling at school 5 days a week I find so hard......I try to teach my DC that even if they don't like someone they should never be mean yet they are witnessing a member of their family doing it to them sad
I love her DC too so it hurts that I'm not allowed near them, the two older ones smile at me and I wink but she's now taught them they're not allowed to run over to me & the youngest is too young to remember us sad
It's all such a silly mess yet she seems comfortable with it all as when I've tried to sort it all out she's not interested, I don't want to be her friend I just don't want any of our DC involved but she can't see its a problem........her poor poor dcs sad

pictish Wed 14-Nov-12 10:17:45

Your friend is right.

Fuck your sil. She is a stupid cow. Why on earth should your kids be uprooted in response to her childish behaviour??!!

If I were you I'd look her right in the eye and say a hail and hearty 'good morning!' every single day. Take control of the situation and own it.
Laugh at it. Enjoy her lemon faced response to your good cheer!

Come on now - fight back with a smile! She's an idiot and you are not!

WorraLiberty Wed 14-Nov-12 10:18:11

I didn't say everyone was made of stern stuff.

But it imo (if I'm still allowed one?) I think disrupting the kid's education because the adults have fallen out, is pathetic and very unfair on the kids.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Wed 14-Nov-12 10:28:06

Bloody families. I'm half and half, half of me feels Pictish is right- sod her smile and say morning!
The other half however feels the kids are being affected and your being affected, they won't be getting as much out of it as they were.
Moving schools is massive if they are happy though

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 14-Nov-12 10:38:48

"I try to teach my DC that even if they don't like someone they should never be mean yet they are witnessing a member of their family doing it to them "
Consider her behaviour to be a teaching tool. She's an example of why you shouldn't be mean.

And pictish's proposed response is a good one. Smile at her and say "good morning" - but in a bright breezy way where your eyes slide away from her and onto where you are going/who you intend to talk to, not a please-please-respond-I-need-you way. Acknowledge her, but in a way that makes it clear you expect no response. This will help you to stop feeling bad about the situation, which is not of your making.

surfingbabies Wed 14-Nov-12 10:53:56

WorraLiberty I agree with you, it is pathetic wanting to move them.......I just got to point this morning where I wanted to explode and moving them does sound a bit silly now I've calmed. I wish I was made of stern stuff and I envy people who are smile

WhereYouLeftIt & pictish I've tried being like that, I would keep my head high and if I saw her I would say nicely morning guys, look away and carry on with what I was doing but I really thought she would use my pregnancy as a way to just let it all be and come and congratulate me as she knows I wouldn't turn her away but she didn't even say congratulations and that really hurt as 2 mornings the week we announced it she was stood near me with no other parents around and I smiled and said morning as if to invite her but nothing! so then I stopped as she stopped nodding when I did greet her so what should I do now? go back to greeting her again and smiling or what??

WorraLiberty Wed 14-Nov-12 10:57:41

I'd be tempted to develop temporary tourettes grin

"Good morning" < cough > "Go fuck yourself!" < sweet smile >

OldMumsy Wed 14-Nov-12 10:58:21

Either ignore her or give her something to moan about. I hate these dragging on situations. Take control. Channel your inner cage fighter.

pictish Wed 14-Nov-12 11:00:42

Just go back to being a reasonable and nice as you are. Say hello and expect nothing back. If the shit should hit the fan in the future, no-one could ever rightfully accuse you of joining in or exacerbating the situation, as you have been perfectly amenable and pleasant throughout. It will also get on her tits which is GOOD.

Truly she sounds like a total fud. I would take great pains to be the opposite. Let her make a dick of herself. Enjoy it!

surfingbabies Wed 14-Nov-12 11:02:56

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter, I feel like you as I've been down the road of being nice yet it got me no where.........my DC don't like their school, they've only liked one teacher so far and we do have a lot of complaints about two teachers which one they have now and one they will be going to before they leave so it has crossed my mind a few times to move them. It also upsets my DD that her step auntie is like this and she no longer sees her cousins, it was his sister who asked me if her DC could call me Auntie and could mine call her Auntie and her husband Uncle.......I asked my DC who were happy with this as my DP and I have been together since they were very young and call him daddy but she then stopped putting Auntie and Uncle in her cards which made my eldest DD cry and my youngest DD gets so upset when she waves and gets nothing back sad I did this morning think that this upset is far greater than moving them schools where we can all be happy.......but I do now also think its a bit extreme!! Families eh, wouldn't mind if they were mine but my DP gets to go to work everyday and not deal with any of this......lucky bugger smile

blackeyedsusan Wed 14-Nov-12 11:06:58

look, we all want to move the dcs at some point because of this that and the other... nearly all of us calm down and consider it rationally, like you have.

I think smiling and saying good morning when you meet her is the way to go. don't necessarily initiate more than that but don't be put off speaking to people in her group if you need to. she will look the idiot.

I use that technique to a neighbour who likes to stae out of the window at us. I smile and wave... took me a while to work it out though... it made me very uncomfortable at first, but smiling and waving stopped him staring afte a while... I have to start again..

surfingbabies Wed 14-Nov-12 11:09:58

I think your all right.......rise above it! I will go back to smiling and greeting her, it will be hard but I agree she will have nothing on me then!
Once I've had the baby though if she does decide to try and make an effort or asks me to hold it can I please then tell her to go herself grin??

surfingbabies Wed 14-Nov-12 11:11:54

I put 4 stars between go and herself but it didn't come out.......you know what I'm trying to say wink

maillotjaune Wed 14-Nov-12 11:13:36

Please don't move your children, this is obviously a horrible situation for you but if you can go back to smiling and saying hello, even if you just get dirty looks, you can get through it AND know that you are in the right.

Your SIL is just making an arse of herself.

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