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To be hurt that DP would rather spend Christmas with his family than me?

(136 Posts)
Lucyrobinson99 Tue 13-Nov-12 19:43:01

DP and I recently moved house. Moved in round the corner from his parents, mainly because nice area and good location for work but I know DP also likes being close to his family. I get on fine with his family and also DP said it would be good for help with child care when we have kids so I was happy to go along with it.

I suggested this Xmas it would be nice to invite my parents to stay (they live a few hundred miles away and we hardly ever see them). DP said that was a great idea. However, he also said he would be spending Christmas day round the corner with his parents and grown up siblings (all of whom he sees all the time). He did not extend the invitation to me.

So as things currently stand we have me having Christmas day at mine and Dp's house with my folks and DP round the corner at his parents. This is the first time we I have hosted Christmas Day and first Christmas in our new home so gutted DP has chosen his family (who he sees on a weekly basis) over me.

AIBU to be a bit gutted?

Should also mention that my parents have not met DP's parents yet (wasn't planning to introduce them until we get engaged)

Also if it's relevant last Christmas I spent on my own at my parents house and DP spent with his parents. This was before we moved close to his parents though.

Mintyy Tue 13-Nov-12 19:44:24


lubeybooby Tue 13-Nov-12 19:45:01

Oh dear - surely there's a compromise there somewhere?

lubeybooby Tue 13-Nov-12 19:45:34

oh and - YANBU

manticlimactic Tue 13-Nov-12 19:45:46


Pochemuchka Tue 13-Nov-12 19:46:48


Are you sure it isn't a misunderstanding and that he has assumed you'll be with him?

If not, it's a little bit strange IMO. Least of all that you don't appear to have actually discussed spending the time together.

AlmostAHipster Tue 13-Nov-12 19:46:58

You're living together but he doesn't want to spend Christmas Day with you?? How mean of him! YANBU.

honeytea Tue 13-Nov-12 19:47:50

YANBU, is there a reason you don't want your parents to meet till you are engaged? It sounds like the perfect time to introduce them. Maybe you could have his parents over for christmas cake in the afternoon.

I really think if you are in a relationship serious enough to live together and be talking about future kids then you should spend christmas together.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Tue 13-Nov-12 19:48:23

Can't a compromise be reached that he have the morning and xmas dinner at home with you and your folks and then go round to his parents in the afternoon/evening?

LavenderPots Tue 13-Nov-12 19:48:29

could you compromise?? both of you have christmas with each set of parents but one on boxing day? we do this and alternitate between parents as to who 'gets' xmas day

ENormaSnob Tue 13-Nov-12 19:48:29


Very odd, especially as you live together.

JoshLyman Tue 13-Nov-12 19:48:48

Is it him not extending the invite to you or his parents?

I think he needs to be gently told that you are now a serious couple and therefore should really spend Xmas Day together. He should WANT to. He's acting like you're still teenagers.

You're lucky in that they're so close by - easy enough to see both sets of parents.

LivesInJeans Tue 13-Nov-12 19:49:56

Unbelievable ? I would question how important he sees your relationship and whether he's 6 years old. Christmas with family.... yes maybe but after discussion and agreement.

AND TOGETHER if you are a couple

ledkr Tue 13-Nov-12 19:50:12

Mummy's boy beware

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Tue 13-Nov-12 19:50:39


Have you bought a house or are you renting?

I would seriously consider NOT marrying this man.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Tue 13-Nov-12 19:50:41

WHAT? You live together and you are not automatically invited to Christmas with the inlaws?

That is bizarre. Do you really want to bring children into a family that operates on that kind of a basis?

BerthaTheBogBurglar Tue 13-Nov-12 19:50:47

You're planning on getting engaged to, and having children with, a man who chooses to spend Christmas with his mum rather than with you? And doesn't even want you there as well? Have you thought this one through?

Sparklyblue Tue 13-Nov-12 19:50:50

Leave the bastard!

fuzzpig Tue 13-Nov-12 19:51:25

That's quite sad that he doesn't want to spend it with you. It doesn't really scream "commitment" does it hmm

MimiSunshine Tue 13-Nov-12 19:51:40

On the assumption that you've bought the house you've just moved into (and to be honest even if you're renting) you are quite serious so YANBU and need to discuss this.
It doesn't have to be a big deal, no one likes to give up their traditions and it sounds like Christmas is a big one for him and his family. But if you two are planning engagements and children then you are practical family so compromise is needed.
Find out what's the most important part of Christmas is for him with his family and then suggest that your parents come down,you spend it together and include that particular bit. No reason your parents can't meet now.

catsmother Tue 13-Nov-12 19:52:08

I think he's being very rude - to your parents - and hurtful - to you - and given the close proximity to his family who he sees on a regular basis it should have been easy to work out a compromise. For example, you might have invited his parents and siblings (if too many to host for Xmas dinner itself) for Xmas Eve drinks, or a Boxing Day buffet or something so the two families could meet informally.

Besides which if you're embarking on a serious relationship - which moving in together usually indicates - he should be starting to consider that you're his family now as well, and that it's pretty normal to want to spend Xmas Day with you - especially as it's your first Xmas. I'm sure you wouldn't have minded him popping round his parents for a couple of hours or so, but the invitation should also have been extended to you too. Do you think it's him who doesn't want you at his family home or his parents ? But either way, it's all very strange and rather hurtful. The normal and nice thing would be to want to spend most of your first Xmas as a serious couple together .... even if you have to juggle the extended family obligations somewhat. You're not being unreasonable to feel hurt and put out.

wellthatsdoneit Tue 13-Nov-12 19:52:16

How does he envisage events like these in future? When you are engaged/married/have children? Some people like to spend a lot of time with their 'original' family and if he is one of them unless you are happy to tag along and be slotted into their family life/traditions/way of doing things there may be trouble ahead.

Lucyrobinson99 Tue 13-Nov-12 19:52:22

No there is no misunderstanding, I have double checked!

I have said I am happy for him to go round to his parents at some stage on Christmas Day to say hello and I have said we can spend Boxing Day (my parents are going home then) and new year's day with his family if he likes.
So not as though I am trying to exclude his family.

Just don't want our parents to meet until we are engaged as I don't want to go to the effort until he has shown me the commitment of an engagement (I know some people on here will think that's silly)

DameFanny Tue 13-Nov-12 19:52:37

Can I ask how old he is? Cos this really doesn't sound like a man who understands commitment

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Tue 13-Nov-12 19:53:04

In your shoes, I would seriously reconsider the entire relationship.

Can you go and spend Christmas as your parents instead, rather than hosting Christmas just for your dp to fark off to his folks and leave you to it?

I mean, nothing is keeping you with him, seeing as he is making a very good point that he does not want to spend Christmas with you.

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