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To think that this is rude behavior from both the child and parent?

(54 Posts)
honeytea Tue 13-Nov-12 19:27:04

I am not sure if IABU or not., I'm not a parent yet (PFB due any time now) but I do work with kids so I am not compleatly naive about kids.

This evening we went to IKEA to buy some clothes hangers that were too bloody big for the baby clothes. i was walking with my DP and having braxton hicks (they happen whenever I walk at the moment very anoying) I was walking waddling fairly slowly. A child of around 6/7 rushed past pretending to be in a racing car swerving from side to side, he bumped hard into my tummy, looked up at me (I bent over) and continued. The child's father saw what happened looked at us, didn't say anything and walked on, he didn't tell his child to stop.

I was not worried about the baby, I have had my fair share of bumps and my placenta is at the back so I don't worry about it coming away. I just felt like the parent was so very rude to have said nothing, not even a rushed "sorry" as he walked past. I know the child may have had SN, but even so, wouldn't a quick sorry have been the right thing to do.

I said to my DP that I was shocked that neither child or parent had said sorry, he just said "but the child was racing in his pretend car"

I don't live in the UK, the country where we live (my DP's home country) has very relaxed attitudes to kids behavior, they can do no wrong and if they do there doesn't seem to be any sort of consequences. My DP says that I have expectations bassed on being British and I expect people to be overly polite. Do you think IABU to expect either father or child to have said sorry?

midseasonsale Tue 13-Nov-12 19:28:51

You are right.

DawnOfTheDee Tue 13-Nov-12 19:30:11


JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 13-Nov-12 19:30:18


I expect my child to be careful not to hurt or scare others in public places. Of course accidents happen, but a shop is not a place to play.

I would expect the adult to apologise profusely on his child's behalf, and to reprimand his son

AlienRefluxovermypoppy Tue 13-Nov-12 19:31:12

No, in any country, surely banging into someones baby bump is out of order, so to not apologise (parent certainly, though my 5 yr old boy would have apologised for himself) is bloody rude.

Floggingmolly Tue 13-Nov-12 19:31:23

Apologising wouldn't have been overly polite hmm. Yanbu.

StormyWeek Tue 13-Nov-12 19:31:59

Wow, bizzare reaction from your DH! Where's his appropriate protective response? Where on earth do you live? Is it just oys who are allowed to behave there? YANBU

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Tue 13-Nov-12 19:32:52


JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 13-Nov-12 19:33:00

I hope your Dp is able to balance his child's right to enjoyment with other people's rights.

I see many people who don't do this and their children are selfish and self-centred

MrsWolowitz Tue 13-Nov-12 19:33:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FromEsme Tue 13-Nov-12 19:34:29


The amount of rude children I meet is unbelievable and I fully imagine they will grow up to be rude adults if no-one corrects their behaviour.

honeytea Tue 13-Nov-12 19:35:59

We live in Sweden, I did have a little bit of a rant maybe a little too public that there is no way our child will be so rude.

I do understand that IKEA is maybe not the most fun place for a child on a tuesday evening but there is a child prison soft play bit where you can leave them, I don't know why this child was even in the main shopping bit.

I'm glad I am not just being hormonal and overreacting!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Tue 13-Nov-12 19:36:19

I agree with you, but I'm British too.

neverquitesure Tue 13-Nov-12 19:36:25

YANBU. Very rude. Yes, children will tear around and bump into things on occasion, but Dad should have checked you were ok, apologised and then asked his son to apologise too. Basic manners.

MrsCantSayAnything Tue 13-Nov-12 19:44:57

I knew you were going to say Sweden. I heard a radio programme about childhood in Sweden recently and the woman said that the country has form for putting a child's fun before almost anything.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 13-Nov-12 19:52:17


It's interesting, because sometimes I think we are not indulgent enough as a society of fun in childhood. Presumably, as a society, adult Swedes are polite, thoughful and caring.

Still, this behaviour doesn't sit right with me.

honeytea Tue 13-Nov-12 19:53:31

yep, kids can do whatever they like here.

You are not even supposed to shout at your children, I don't mean abusively yell at them but I have never heared anyone even raise their voice. They tell you when you are pregnant not to let the baby cry even for a short while.

I think I am going to be a social outcast with my parenting style.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 13-Nov-12 19:54:23


MrsCantSayAnything Tue 13-Nov-12 19:54:51

I trained with quite a few Swedes and I have to say they tended to be very nice...light hearted an excellent at what we were studying. They must be doing something right!

ShiftyFades Tue 13-Nov-12 19:58:13

YANBU, good luck with the baby grin

Bluestocking Tue 13-Nov-12 20:00:52

I don't think you/re being unreasonable, but I'm British too! A child of 6/7 should be aware that he can't crash into a stranger without consequences - nothing serious, just a mild reprimand and a reminder to be aware of his surroundings, and a request to apologise to the person he's bumped into. And the parent should also apologise. How would reminding him to be aware of his surroundings spoil his fun?
Presumably Swedish adults are normally polite and considerate? At what point do rude Swedish children turn into polite Swedish adults, and how do you think this transformation takes place?

honeytea Tue 13-Nov-12 20:03:06

The Swedes are very orderly and they hate confrontation but they are not very polite, there is no Swedish word for please. They never ever stand up for pregnant/old/disabled people on public transport, neighbours don't say hello to each other, if you go to a party you don't put your bottle of wine on a table and all share everyone has their own bottle tucked in their bag that they do not share (even between late 20's 30's profesional friends). When I have got to know Swedes they have without exception been lovely welcoming people but the way they behave in public is very un-brittish.

Untill recently they had mandatory military service where they had to go and train for a year doing horrid things lke camping in -30 and not washing for weeks and being bossed around, I think this might have sort of counter acted the lack of disciplin in childhood. I'm not sure how this will happen now there is no military service.

ContinentalKat Tue 13-Nov-12 20:04:09

I think there is a massive difference between what British people expect and what other cultures expect. In my experience, Britain is at the top end of politeness and child control and Sweden is somewhere at the bottom. I have a Swedish friend and whenever they go home to Sweden she is mortified by Swedish children's behaviour!
I can understand you not being happy about both parent and child's behaviour, but I also think that children in Britain are kept on a very short lead.
In short, big cultural differences and I am not sure which side to prefer here...

Fakebook Tue 13-Nov-12 20:07:17

Yanbu. Why are people so rude? But then, the British are famous for apologising, maybe we do it too much?

FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda Tue 13-Nov-12 20:08:48

I am in Sweden too. From a British perspective you are not being unreasonable. From a Swedish perspective you are being unreasonable. Expecting people to control their children here is not normal. Expecting people to respect your personal space and apologise if it's invaded is not normal here. I too will be a pariah of parenting if a few months time. I don't care. I know I will have failed my child if he/she turns out as rude and bad mannered as a lot of the youngster appear to be.

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