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to NOT want to go out for a birthday meal with my friends?

(11 Posts)
MoomieAndFreddie Tue 13-Nov-12 16:54:38

and how do I tell them?

I have NEVER been one for celebrating my birthday with friends and doing the whole being centre of attention thing. just, no. makes me Cringe.

one of my friends said she wanted to take me out for a meal for my birthday, I really didn't fancy it, but felt like I had to say yes. Then she suggested why don't friends X, Y and Z come too? and again, I felt I had to say yes, but now its getting nearer the time I really don't want to go. DH is taking me away for the weekend and thats enough for me.

the friend who originally suggested the meal IS the type who loves to make a big fuss on her birthday (in fact i dread her birthday every year as everyone is EXPECTED to make a big effort)

what do I say to them? i have already agreed to it sad am i being ungrateful?? and mean? am tempted to just feign illness on the day but that would be cowardly of me wouldn't it.....

LindyHemming Tue 13-Nov-12 16:58:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LavenderPots Tue 13-Nov-12 16:59:34

just treat it as a meal out with friends say you don't want fuss about your birthday and just want to see them??

LavenderPots Tue 13-Nov-12 16:59:52

oh x-posted sorryy

Bubblemoon Tue 13-Nov-12 17:09:03

So we don't know you from Eve, but we know you have NEVER been one for celebrating your birthday with friends. How come your friends don't know this? How come you felt like you had to say yes?

Just tell them it's not your kind of thing. If they're your friends they'll understand, if not, bugger them off out of it. It's your birthday, do what you want.

Justforlaughs Tue 13-Nov-12 17:11:56

Just tell them what you have just told us. If you think you would enjoy going out for a meal without the big birthday hoohaa, tell them! If you don't want to go out at all then tell them asap.

KatieScarlett2833 Tue 13-Nov-12 17:18:55

I would hate this too.

The thought of everyone watching you opening your presents with eager anticipation <shudder>
The expectation that you would like a fuss made because it's your birthday <yuck>
The idea that you would want to go outside instead of spending the day in your jammies praying for your day to be over <that's me>


Thankfully everyone I know is well aware of the effect the B-Word has on my mental health and adjusts their expectations to nil.

I suggest that you do the same, they don't really mind and it saves them the effort of paying for a meal, etc.


MoomieAndFreddie Tue 13-Nov-12 17:24:21

its not only the birthday thing

...I don't want to drip feed but I don't want to go out with them at all TBH. the one who arranged the meal in the 1st place is someone who has kind of, latched on to me (i do feel mean saying this). and she has now also started to try and befriend my other friends as well, and to be honest they all think she is a bit bossy and overbearing. so do i but she is nice and has a good heart and i don't think she has got many friends, so I don't want to be mean.

again, sorry for drip feeding...

and bubblemoon, exactly <sigh>

Bubblemoon Tue 13-Nov-12 17:31:28

You need to say and do what you want Moomie.....people get to their 40s and realise they have spent their whole life trying to make others happy at their own expense. I might be odd, but I'd rather have no friends than latchy friends who want me to do things I don't. Go your own way and be happy.

LavenderPots Tue 13-Nov-12 17:47:43

just tell them orr tell them you have plans you had forgotten about and never rearrange

MoomieAndFreddie Wed 14-Nov-12 08:15:27

i agree bubblemoon

i will be 33 on my birthday, i really need to stop acting like a teenager wanting to make everyone happy :/

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