AIBU to not want this woman near my son?(33 Posts)
Bit of background-
I live on the outskirts of a village that is full of very rich people. There is most def a click of 'yummy mummy's' who are actually really horrible and stuck up! I used to run the village toddler group and tbh it was awful. These woman would come and ignore me, whisper in the corner and not help at all. I used to make tea/coffee for them and run around after their kids. When my ds hit 2yrs old he turned into a bit of a monster. Im not stupid, I know his behaviour was pretty horrid. He was very boisterous and snatchy. I would always tell him off though, I even started bringing his pushchair in to strap him in for time outs as i was always to busy running round after everyone else. My point is I wasnt like them, I didnt sit in the corner and ignore my childs bad behaviour. There were several occasions I had to intervene when their childen were behaving badly but nothing was ever said.
One time I was there and it got a bit nasty. I was supervising at the playframe when one of the boys kept pushing in, my son took great offense tp this and gave him a push (he of course wailed loudly) cue other mum coming over and muttering. I then got evils from the rest of her gang.
It happened again but the other boy pulled my son off the stairs and piched him HARD on the cheek, so he got another shove. This is when it all kicked off. I had several mums shouting/swearing in my face telling me my child was vile. Ever since then Ive had evil looks and been ignored etc.
The one mum who seems to be the leader of the gang has just been vile to me for the past couple of years, they dont like me, I was told it was because I wasnt a villager (???!!) there are only 2 of them who have children in my sons year (thank god)
Anyway, ds started school in September and has been getting on really well. At parents evening I was told he was the most popular boy in reception and how the other children fight over him! This was a relief as Ive always been worried since the incident above that no one would like him (he soon gew out of his terrible 2's)
The leader of the nasty mums has started helping out in the reception class. She takes the children on a 1 to 1 basis to do little bits of extra work. My son has been flagged as a high achiever and they want him to do extra harder work with this mum.
I dont want the cow anywhere near him!
So, AIBU to say this to the teacher?? The woman never even aknowledges me, and gives me snide looks ffs! I never ever make a fuss, never complain etc but I actually feel quite strongly about this. I just dont know if Im being a bit oversensitive? As far as Im concerned this woman is a bully, and actually Im not afraid to tell the teacher this! But then the other side to me says not to rock the boat for my sons sake. Help
What a bunch of cows!!! Who would want them as friends anyway!
I think given the history and their appalling attitude, I would have a word with the teacher. You can't guarantee that she is going to treat your child equally. She sounds bloody vile, as do the rest of them. I hate people like this. Just think yourself lucky you aren't like them.
I wouldn't refuse her being anywhere near your son but I would have a quiet word with the teacher, mention that there has been a bit of history and ask her to keep an eye on the situation in the class. Also we aware of what your son says when he comes home from school, if there are no problems then don't worry about it.
Apparently she is doing extra reading at a higher level?? Also Ive been told that she was a TA before becoming a mum and wants to get back into it so is being a volunteer to get extra experience. I dont think she would treat my son equally, this is part of the problem for me.
I should add that the majority of mums are lovely and i have made some of my best friends at the school gates. One of the other mums is her next door neighbours and when she first moved to the village this woman told her a few families to avoid, mine being one of them!!!! The cheek! Since found out they dont like 'farming rif raf' (my dh is a farmer and we live on a small holding)
I wouldn't want to her to do it. She sounds like a bully and I don't think I would trust her, in light of the things she has said in the past. I would explain the history to the teacher.
This is really good advice, this is exactly whu I posted on here! Thanks ladies x
What a bitch to try and turn others away from you! God I am always amazed that people like this actually exist.
Glad to hear that you have actually made some nice friends.
Yes, have a word.
I think I would want to say something to the teacher because they do often take them to work in other rooms to work alone. But it's really difficult to know what to say without coming across as vindictive yourself.
The advice above is good I think - just keep it objective "there has been some history and I'm worried about her working with him".
Agree all above and so glad you have nice friends now op.
Some people are just vile.
Wow YANBU, nasty behaviour just because your not a villager. Your best away from them . Yes I would alert the teacher to the past history, I certainly would not want her near my child, she is likely to be negative towards him and I would not want tht
It's a wonder she can actually find the time to pull her head out of her own arse to help out.
Just have a brief chat with the teacher that you would not like your child to have one on one time with this woman.
Actually here is a woman who is volunteering in a school and has signed an agreement that gives her ground rules.....she may be good for him professionally even if she is not kind/warm to you.
I have had my issues with alpha mums but tbh they are just people and they may not remember the toddler group incidents in the same way you do.
In my kids old school there was a particularily hateful woman who would spout vitriol as soon as look at you BUT she was a landscape architect by profession and did a lot of good stuff to improve the grounds of the school. Ooh but she was not a sympathetic character at all.....
Read Game of Thrones by GRR Martin and you will see that even evil murderers can be "good" in the right context. People will not conform to being 100% good or 100% evil.
If she's volunteering at the school I'd assume she'd like a TA role at that particular school, assuming again that she has DC there. If she gets the job you're stuck with her.
I would put my concerns, objectively, to the head teacher. It will give him/ her the heads up as to her character should she apply for a job there. Quote her attitude to 'farming riff raff' as that's certainly against equal opportunities.
You don't get to dictate which adults you will allow your child to work with at school.That isn't how it works
Unless and until you have reason to doubt that she is behaving professionally in schoolthere is nothing you can do but grin and bear it.
Don't go into school with tales of how vile she is, it will only reflect badly on you.
Of course you should talk to the teacher! Just be polite when you do!
You've got to be joking. If a parent volunteer had behaved in that way to me, I certainly would be dictating who works with my child.
I expect she will be on her best behavior in order to get a reference. In your shoes I'd keep an eye on things and only mention the history if something happens with the child/her
I don't think you are being U. I would be worried that this woman might not be trustworthy and might try to undermine your son in quite subtle ways. It also sounds like she has the potential to be jealous of your son's achievements.
I would talk to the teacher with just a brief and non-emotive description of past events and ask for any contact to be monitored. Also, I'd be sure to speak to my son about it and look out for any regression in learning, loss of confidence etc..
I'd be really chuffed she was having to help your ds. He sounds really clever and lovely and she'll see that for herself! You should satisfy yourself with feeling smug about your brilliant boy!
Peas she sounds quite nasty and would not trust her to behave professionally
you do have the right to refuse 'help' from a volunteer. she is there for her own benefit not your child's. she has already voiced negative views about families and is happy to denigrate other people.
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