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Well am I?

(7 Posts)
FriendorFoe Tue 13-Nov-12 15:03:42

OK so this is something I have been pondering for weeks, probably months and I still can’t make a decision so I am throwing myself on the mercy (HA!) of the MN jury. grin

I’ve been friends/acquaintances with a woman (let’s call her Alice) I met at toddler group 6 years ago. There was a group of five of us that met up occasionally outside of this group and I would say I spent the least time with her back then. She seemed friendly but we didn’t have much in common so the occasional meet ups suited us both.
When her son was two she left her boyfriend and things seemed to unravel for her a bit. She has bi-polar disorder and I think her other half was a big part in keeping her on an even keel.
Anyway, one by one of the other four started avoiding Alice. She did seem to have a habit of making bad decisions and then leaning on other people to help her out.
Then Alice had a particularly bad period and started being very unreasonable and the others stopped seeing her altogether. As I wasn’t as close I think I avoided the worst of it.
So shortcut to now and the point of the post. I am her only ‘friend’ (not a very good one) now and she has no family locally. She’s had a bad time of it lately and she’s started to get really demanding and a bit aggressive again. As a result of this I’ve started avoiding her too and I feel a bit bad about it.
BUT, the bottom line is I have nothing in common with her, I don’t really like her and she doesn’t really like me either I don’t think. She seems to be strangely detached from everyone and just seems to use them to fill up her time. If she comes round she’ll just talk at me the whole time rarely taking a breath (I think this is part of her illness? Sorry if that’s wrong.) Our sons don’t get on and she is asking me to help her out all the time and it’s impacting on my family life. She kind of expects me to be at her beck and call and gets irritated when I’m not. I started off saying a simple no without explanation but now have just stopped responding altogether as she just wouldn’t get the message.
However, she came round yesterday when I was out and texted me to ask why I hadn’t answered the door. She knew I was in as she had looked through the window and seen my bag!
I’ve really had enough but I don’t want to leave her friendless. Plus she’s not a great mum (not abusive but she just doesn’t interact with him at all) and her son seems a really unhappy little boy so I wonder if I should stay in touch just in case.
What do I do?

FayeKinitt Tue 13-Nov-12 15:09:26

However, she came round yesterday when I was out and texted me to ask why I hadn’t answered the door. She knew I was in as she had looked through the window and seen my bag!

This part is worrying to be honest. I'd completely stop engaging. It's her fault she hasn't got any friends if she carries on the way you describe. It might have been different if you had loafs in common/got something out of the friendship.

Just do not respond. At all. And if she carries on then honestly I'd threaten her with the police.

valiumredhead Tue 13-Nov-12 15:14:05

Ignore the text, and ignore future texts. Withdraw contact as you don't like her.

you are not responsible for her unless you choose to be.

CrapBag Tue 13-Nov-12 16:26:25

YANBU. You don't like her anyway, her illness should play no part in it.

Avoid until she finally gets the message.

LindyHemming Tue 13-Nov-12 16:51:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Casserole Tue 13-Nov-12 19:19:50

Do you think you could kindly say, "I'm a bit worried about you, because honestly, you don't seem very well at the moment. Your text shows me that you're not functioning well and, with the best will in the world, I think you need to talk to someone about how you're doing"?

If she freaks out, then you haven't lost anything anyway. But you've done your best?

I have something not a million miles dissimilar going on atm, and I don't know what to do either, so you're not alone!

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