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TO NOT want my mum to tell everyone im pg?

(15 Posts)
nannyl Tue 13-Nov-12 12:04:18

Im 8 weeks pg

we wouldnt have told anyone if i wasnt suffering from hyperemisis again and because i am really very poorly (at drs everyday and will probably be in hospital by the end of the week) my Mum has come to stay to look after 14m DD.

I am not telling everyone until after the scan, though a few closest friends have known / guessed (because i have been being sick and have seabands on)

My mum has come home from toddlers and had to tell the vicar who asked why i wasnt there because she cant lie to people

Yes im very greatful she has driven 250miles / 5 hours to help me but AIBU to not want her to tell anyone and everyone i am pg because "she cant lie"

I have got cross with her and she is now upset in a different room.

she also thinks i should tell my grandparents (her parents) so they dont "wonder" why she is up here.

I will tell them after my scan in 3 weeks, when we announce it.

Only our own parents and siblings know, and 2 of my closest friends who have witnessed me being very sick (and who knew we were TTC so didnt have to be einstein to work it out)

VeniVidiVino Tue 13-Nov-12 12:06:41

YANBU, were you clear enough in your appreciation for the efforts she has gone to to help you though? If you were then she is being pretty childish to behave like this when you have made your feelings clear, especially when you are feeling so rough.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

MyLastDuchess Tue 13-Nov-12 12:13:05

YANBU. Why couldn't she just tell the vicar that you were not feeling well? Surely she doesn't give full details to everyone every time she gets a virus or tummy bug?

I hope you're feeling better soon. I was really sick with DS and had the same sort of situation, we had to tell in-laws as it was obvious that I was really not doing well and I didn't want them to worry. They kept it to themselves. It's not your mother's news to tell, anyway!

Faylalu Tue 13-Nov-12 12:24:00

This nwes is yours and it should be totally up to you if and when you tell people. 'I can't lie' is a very immature way of not respecting your wishes or feelings. You're ill, you're probably feeling worse because of pregnancy and all you want from her is her help and support. All she had to say to the Vicar is that you're not there because you're not well, same to your grandparents - its not a lie, just not the whole truth, but who is he to know anyway - it should be completely up to you. I'd be mad at my mum if she did the same thing and I wouldn't care if she was in another room feeling sorry for herself - so she should be (sorry if I'm sounding a bit millitant about this, but my mum takes things upon herself too and it doesn't half wind me and my husband up)

Faylalu Tue 13-Nov-12 12:24:17


midseasonsale Tue 13-Nov-12 12:28:15

Thank her lots for her help but explain that all she had to say was that you were under the weather. Then she could have changed the subject. It was her choice to break your confidence and it highlights trust issues.

Your need for confidentiality is more then your mothers need for telling random people about your pregnancy.

JammySplodger Tue 13-Nov-12 12:34:00

YANBU, not in the slightest. Put your foot down with her, maybe she could start with ringing the vicar and telling him she shouldn't have been spreading your news yet. Hope you're doing okay.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Tue 13-Nov-12 12:38:52

"My daughter isn't at toddler group today because she's sick, Vicar" - there wouldn't have been a word of a lie in that.

YANBU, and I second Jammy's suggestion of ringing the vicar and asking him to treat the news as confidential until you tell him otherwise - he will understand, I am sure.

littleladyindoors Tue 13-Nov-12 13:45:49

YADNBU we have just told everyone about being pregnant and I am 6 months in now. We told our parents straight away but everyone else had to wait, close family at 13 weeks (first scan) and everyone else got to know yesterday. It is your news, and you should be able to tell people when you are ready.

We told our parents that we only wanted them to know because we wanted it to be special for our family for a while, and they have been good. I even threw up at my husbands uncles wake (not in front of everyone but involved running to the loo a lot) and they said nothing, just I wasnt feeling well. 5 priests there. I hope she understands in future.

Narked Tue 13-Nov-12 14:17:15

She wants to tell people so she's trying to push you into it. If your grandparents live a distance from you and aren't Facebook fans telling them might give you some peace from her as she's have people to discuss it with.

Mousefunk Tue 13-Nov-12 14:25:50

Yanbu at all.

I made the mistake of telling my mum early the first two times and she proceeded to tell pretty much everyone she knows (even people I didn't know..). Third time I didn't tell her until I was 32 weeks.

Your news, up to you who knows..

EuroShagmore Tue 13-Nov-12 15:00:23

YANBU it's your choice, but I don't understand why people don't tell people who they would tell if something went wrong in general (perahps your grandparents in this scenario?).

samandi Tue 13-Nov-12 15:18:33

YADNBU about the vicar and similar people. However the grandparents I can kind of understand her point of view, especially if they live close to her and are used to seeing her often.

Justforlaughs Tue 13-Nov-12 15:48:13

YANBU PROVIDING you told her that you didn't want anyone else to know yet. If you didn't actually specify it then YABa little BU to expect her to know how you felt. In you rshoes, I also would ring the vicar and ask them to keep it quiet, in my experience they tend to anyway but if you're worried that they might say something then make it clear.

diddl Tue 13-Nov-12 15:53:38

Well I think that YABU-especially to have upset your mum over it.

You say that some friends know/have guessed-so it´s hardly a secret.

Although I can´t see why telling GPs is necessary-would they really be wondering why she is visiting her own daughter & GC?

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