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to think it's weird that a parent hangs about my child's nursery all the time?

(139 Posts)
Christmas78 Tue 13-Nov-12 10:49:04

I should start by saying I know I'm paranoid. I just don't know if I'm being completely paranoid this time!

Regularly when I pick up my baby there is this one father sitting around in the baby room at the nursery chatting to the girls who work there. He's a parent of one of the older babies so he's got a right to be there. I just don't get why he's there all the time! I pick my DS up at different times of the day as I work from home so it's definitely not just a one off. And why does he hang around like it's his sitting room or a coffee shop?

My issues are 1) the girls spend all their time bantering with him when I feel they should be focussing on the babies and 2) I just find it a bit weird that he's around my child so often and not a carer. I mean, I'm tempted to ask if they've blimming CRB checked him.

WilsonFrickett Tue 13-Nov-12 18:27:00

I know when my child was going through his dx I spent a lot of time at nursery, as they were phenomenally supportive. And yes, probably sometimes they should have told me to sling it, but they didn't, they wanted to hear about appointments and assessments and pass me a tissue when it all got too much. There could be anything going on in this parents life and the staff may simply be supporting him. Or he's the only SAHD in town and its all got a bit giggly and silly.

"Won't someone think of the children?" actually in this case is right!

It doesn't matter if it's a man, a woman or a penguin, from the OP's experience the staff appear to be distracted, so potentially aren't giving as high a standard of care as they should.

OP you have to ask and update us!

MrsMelons Tue 13-Nov-12 18:31:50

The OP has never suggested he is a paedophile so I think some of the responses are OTT.

Yes there is a limit of time spent talking to nursery staff when they are paid to be in ratio looking after other peoples children. Its down to the staff however to deal with this and ask parents to make appointments or cut the conversations shorter.

If they are chatting to parents they are not looking after the children properly. The manager as my DCs children has often spoken to staff about it and helped them deal with parents effectively to avoid this very issue.

MrsCantSayAnything Tue 13-Nov-12 18:35:56

ticktock I meant generally...people seem to adore acting above the prole habit of fearing the peadophile and that of hunting them down.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 13-Nov-12 18:38:09

I actually posted a friendly comment to the OP hours ago and have been at work all day since but certain people are seizing on a comment I made early in thread and harping on about it, so it grows wings..rather silly really, youd have thought I had sat berating the OP all day from some people's comments, rather than making some comments earlier then smiling at the OP.

ticktockcroc Tue 13-Nov-12 18:38:16

Oh I agree with you mrs can't say! Just laughing at the irony of the execution of it!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 13-Nov-12 18:39:31

Anyway off to make dinner so you two feel free to sit making wee snipey comments together like some double act if you wish.

SamSmalaidh Tue 13-Nov-12 18:42:26

I'd find it weird if a parent, male or female, hung around at my DS's nursery for up to an hour at a time monopolising the staff. They should be focussing on the children.

And yes, of course there is a limit to how long parents should stay and chat to the staff! Once a child has settled in, then there is no need for a parent to stay for more than 5-10 minutes at drop off or pick up - staying for ages is disruptive.

wheresmespecs Tue 13-Nov-12 19:03:07

Sorry, but....

If you are a parent helper, do you need a crb check? I know at our local nursery/pre-school group (in Wales, so a welsh language cylch, kids aged 2.5 to 5) a parent volunteer does not need a crb check. As long as they do not take a child to toilet on their own and the actual staff are qualified.... no crb needed.

I don't like that but it is legal.

SamSmalaidh Tue 13-Nov-12 19:07:34

No, you only need to be CRB checked if you are unsupervised. Many nurseries employ staff before their CRB comes through and just makes sure they are supervised.

MrsCantSayAnything Tue 13-Nov-12 19:41:57

I don't think many people have a problem with a parent helper...the OP complained that this man seems to be just sitting around and having a laugh when she goes....tbh OP the main issue is with the staff here...they're allowing a parent to sit about and distract them when they are meant to be with the babies.

Go in and speak to the manager about it.

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Tue 13-Nov-12 19:47:47

Sorry, fanjo, I wasn't sniping at you, honest. I hate seeing people suspicious of men because they are men, that pisses me off too.

But I just find it interesting how aibu polarises people in a way that the other boards don't. In this case, I certainly don't think he is any sort of a paedo hmm, but I also am not sure I would be too happy if a parent (any parent) talked to carers for hours at a time (if it is hours), as that is time that they should be spending interacting with the children.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 13-Nov-12 20:09:21

Thanks Mary.

stinkinseamonkey Wed 14-Nov-12 11:42:32

"If you are a parent helper, do you need a crb check? "

no, at DSs nursery parents and college kids doing work experience didn't need one but they weren't allowed to do nappies/tioleting or settling in the nap room, they just sat with the staff and helped with stories and outside games

cory Wed 14-Nov-12 12:43:46

The OP did not just worry about him distracting the carers; in her first post, she also said "I just find it a bit weird that he's around my child so often and not a carer. I mean, I'm tempted to ask if they've blimming CRB checked him."

Thereby indicating that she did have concerns which were not just about the distraction aspect. If other posters have chosen to respond to that and not to the first half, I don't see why they shouldn't.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 14-Nov-12 16:06:35

I actually addressed the distraction issue as well and said that was a fair point.

I am glad someone else has mentioned that the OP said that instead of people just telling me I was making things up out of thin air.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 14-Nov-12 16:07:45

am going to wish had just let this thread die now though

Raspberrysorbet Wed 14-Nov-12 16:11:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 14-Nov-12 16:12:13

stop it you minx grin

Raspberrysorbet Wed 14-Nov-12 16:18:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 14-Nov-12 16:20:54

<sits on Raspberry>

Raspberrysorbet Wed 14-Nov-12 16:23:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TiggyD Wed 14-Nov-12 16:24:06


Raspberrysorbet Wed 14-Nov-12 16:25:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 14-Nov-12 16:26:38

oh no, I've been outed!

Err no, I WISH that was my arse

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