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to think it's weird that a parent hangs about my child's nursery all the time?

(139 Posts)
Christmas78 Tue 13-Nov-12 10:49:04

I should start by saying I know I'm paranoid. I just don't know if I'm being completely paranoid this time!

Regularly when I pick up my baby there is this one father sitting around in the baby room at the nursery chatting to the girls who work there. He's a parent of one of the older babies so he's got a right to be there. I just don't get why he's there all the time! I pick my DS up at different times of the day as I work from home so it's definitely not just a one off. And why does he hang around like it's his sitting room or a coffee shop?

My issues are 1) the girls spend all their time bantering with him when I feel they should be focussing on the babies and 2) I just find it a bit weird that he's around my child so often and not a carer. I mean, I'm tempted to ask if they've blimming CRB checked him.

fluffyraggies Tue 13-Nov-12 11:46:31

If the staff are being easily distracted than that is a worry actually.

They should be profesional enough not to be distracted. Weather or not he has a reason to be there. You need your wits about you at all times where little ones are concerned.

Christmas78 Tue 13-Nov-12 11:55:34

Fanjo First off, don't assume, actually I do know he's not just been there for 5 - 10 minutes. I tried to make it clear in my original post that I had noticed it was unusual behaviour and not just at pick up and drop off. There are lots of people (probably equal split men and women for what it's worth) picking up and dropping off all the time so I've noticed the difference.

Also, I do not think he's a paedophile. He is there as a parent with his child. I shouldn't have mentioned the CRB bit at all but I do think it's irritating that I'm paying the girls (who have been vetted) to look after my child, not some stranger (male or otherwise) who hasn't and if they're going to allow strangers to be in the nursery all the time, they should be there fully vetted and doing a job. Not socialising.

The difference between the picking up / dropping off you keep harping on about, is that he's there all the time and he's hanging around for ages and there's a lot of flirting and bantering going on and I think it's inappropriate when the girls are supposed to be concentrating on looking after the children. They are all quite young girls and they're very, very, distracted by him. He's clearly loving all the attention just focussed on him and I think it's weird that he, and they, don't realise it's just not the time or the place.

hedwig2001 Tue 13-Nov-12 11:57:33

I used to work shifts starting at 12.30, so needed my DS in nursery by about 11.30.
The nursery insisted all children attending the morning session, were in by 09.30.
I quite often stayed awhile to play with DS.

socharlotte Tue 13-Nov-12 11:57:48

I think he's more interested in the girls working there than the kids! is he a WAHD enjoying a bit of young female attention!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 13-Nov-12 11:57:49

Why are you asking AIBU then?

Christmas78 Tue 13-Nov-12 12:02:55

socharlotte He is definitely more interested in the girls working there!

Fanjo I guess what I should have asked is if it would be unreasonable of me to be annoyed enough to complain about it. But talking about is has made me even more annoyed so unreasonable or not, I will do!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 13-Nov-12 12:03:47

glad you have your answer then grin

irishchic Tue 13-Nov-12 12:08:39

OP let us know what the outcome of this is. I would be a bit uneasy with it too.

MrsMelons Tue 13-Nov-12 12:08:39

I don't think it is fair if he is just hanging around without being a parent helper. I know the ladies who work at the pre-school I used to run used to find it frustrating and would tell parents they were unable to hang around unless they were helping on the parent rota. It is distracting for the children also.

I did not realise any nurseries allowed parents to stay and play with their children for a while unless they were helping them to settle in on their first few weeks or were officially helping for the session (in which case they should be helping not stading around chatting).

The trouble is, like a few people have mentioned, you don't actually know for sure why he is there so I think you should discuss it with the manager and find out. You have a right to know who is working with your child if that is the case.

Raspberrysorbet Tue 13-Nov-12 12:18:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon Tue 13-Nov-12 12:25:06

I've no idea how I'd feel in another situation. Asking opinions on this one.

It is relevant to ask whether you'd be just as uncomfortable had it m=been a mother as it makes you examine exactly what you are feeling uncomfortable about.

I don't think the girls would be as distracted by a mother as they seem to be by the father

Why? Is it because the "girls" need to simper and fawn over the big strong man?

TBH, it seems that you are specifically uncomfortable because he is male. You talk about CRB checks and it being weird when talking about a father but just about the distracted staff with a mother. For this reason, I think you are being unreasonable. By all means mention the distracted staff to the manager but anything else is rather OTT IMO.

LucieMay Tue 13-Nov-12 12:52:36

Clearly a paedophile! Leave the bastard!

Floggingmolly Tue 13-Nov-12 13:39:06

I woudn't be happy about this at all. To the poster who said maybe he has a clingy child who he has to stay around for confused
If he has so much free time he hardly needs to use the nursery at all. Most people use nurseries because they have to be somewhere else.

fromparistoberlin Tue 13-Nov-12 14:12:07


I agree with others, its not fair to stamp on people who have a reasonable concern

I would also be miffed if it were a woman

I have not seen these 1000s of threads

but have read 2 on relationships (not all about men) that fair freaked me out

Jesus, if only someon e had spoken about Jimmy bastard Saville

MrsCantSayAnything Tue 13-Nov-12 14:23:05


I hate all the sneering, "calm down dear", intellectual posturing that suggests that paedo-hating is a lower-class, tabloid preoccupation. It's that sort of attitude which aided the many, many cover-ups of the past and which still keeps people in their place when it comes to speaking up about things they are not comfy with,

I am not for one moment suggesting the man IS a Paedophile....but I DO think MN is guilty of the "calm down dear" intellectual posturing which I describe.

fatcuntroller Tue 13-Nov-12 14:34:47

I don't think you need to complain as such, but I'd ask the staff who he is and if he's got a particular reason to be there.

I have a female friend who hangs around for ages at pick up and drop off times. I've deduced that its just because she doesn'thave anything better to do and likes a chat!

fromparistoberlin Tue 13-Nov-12 14:38:48


I agree

I really dislike how it gets treated on here, spot on

Everlong Tue 13-Nov-12 14:39:22

It's got sod all to do with whether he's a pervert or not but more to do with him distracting the staff.

It's unprofessional imo for the staff to have him there chatting for longer than necessary.

MrsCantSayAnything Tue 13-Nov-12 14:45:24

That's the nub of it Everlong the OP never said he was a perve.

Everlong Tue 13-Nov-12 14:48:09

I know.

Smellslikecatspee Tue 13-Nov-12 15:03:39

Why don’t you take the children out of the question?

Look at it this way, you are paying this company to provide a service, you feel that this person is preventing them from giving their full attention to their job.

However you are still paying full amount for service that you believe is less than you expected.

Are you still annoyed?

If so go complain.

the situation being about a nursery and a male muddies the waters, I read the OP as being annoyed that he is distracting the carers rather than casting claims.

Now as said it maybe that he needs to be there due to a medical condition that the nursery cannot deal with. Or is desperate for adult company any adult company but has been frozen out by mother & baby groups etc. or an of a million other benign reasons.

BUT as the person paying for a service of any type you do have a right to question this.

I’d be annoyed if my window washer charged me for an hours work and I found out that 30 minutes of that was spent chatting to my neighbour.

If you ask and they come back to you and say I can’t discuss why this parent is staying due to confidentiality and they are otherwise on the ball with their CRBs H&S , Id assume that there is a medical reason and be fine. If they fluster I would then question Insurance, CRB status etc.

Frontpaw Tue 13-Nov-12 15:28:00

Maybr he's chatting up a member of staff? Is he a SAHD? Perhaps he just can't leave his little one?

Frontpaw Tue 13-Nov-12 15:30:02

Maybr he's chatting up a member of staff? Is he a SAHD? Perhaps he just can't leave his little one?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 13-Nov-12 15:39:41


I agree with others, its not fair to stamp on people who have a reasonable concern"

Yes, I stamped on her and said she wasn't allowed to speak.

Err no, I answered an AIBU with YABU

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 13-Nov-12 15:43:32

Of course I was just intellectual posturing, that's what I do.

Or maybe just having a different opinion

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