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Awful situation over inheritance-who is BU?

(401 Posts)
whoisright Tue 13-Nov-12 08:22:54

I have namechanged as this is such a volatile subject in my family....despite the fact that nobody has even died yet confused

It is a long story and it is bothering me every day because I do not know what to do or say and it is causing no end of upset and stress within the family.

I am the eldest of 3, our parents divorced years ago. My mum lives in family home (big-ish house in good area) with my younger sister who is planning on moving out soon with her dp so they can live together.

HOWEVER dsis has some health issues (epilepsy) and our mum wants to provide for her so the house will (when our parents have died) go to her, if she has moved out she will just move straight back in again and take it over (no mortgage so she wont have to worry about paying as she has no job).

I have accepted this, but my brother is livid. absolutely livid and has said there is no way he will accept this, he wants the house sold and the money split 3 ways. He has said that yes, she is ill but that we all have problems in our lives and it shouldnt be just one child that is provided for.
He himself has a good job, 2 children but a lot of debt and is renting so sees the money as possibly a deposit for a house and he has mentioned to me that my circumstances are not great (we live in a council house, have 4 dcs with a genetic condition and debts too) but really after living with my sister and seeing her every day I know she will never really be able to work so will not get a chance to get a house like that-she is currently waiting for a council flat to move in with her dp temporarily untill time comes that hey get the family home.

I think my brother should really give this up now, stop going on about it and just accept it like I have. The last thing I want in a few years time is to be caught up in a horrible battle over a house. Yes, that amount of money would be life changing but at the end of the day it is my mums house and it is her choice which of her children she leaves it to.

It is causing a lot of tension between my brother and sister they are both gearing up towards a huge fight over this at some point and I dont know what to say. What do i do?

RedHelenB Tue 13-Nov-12 08:26:56

Might well be eaten up by care home fees fior yoiur mum so really not worth getting het up about!!! I agree with you but I can see your brothers point.

diddl Tue 13-Nov-12 08:27:21

Well even if your mum does do this, your sister could sell & do a three way split.

i agree that it´s pointless your brother going on about it, but I think it´s horrible of your mum tbh.

TandB Tue 13-Nov-12 08:27:52

This is really tricky. Ultimately it is up to your mother who she leaves her estate to.

But it seems somewhat unfair to prioritise one child's needs to the complete exclusion of the other two children.

If the matter is open to discussion, might a compromise be for the house to be sold - presumably if it is in a nice area and a good size it will fetch a good price - and the bulk of the proceeds go to your sister to purchase another, smaller home suitable for her needs. Your brother and you could then each receive a useful, albeit smaller, sum.

If your mother is determined, however, then your brother needs to get his head round the idea that this is what is going to happen. He won't be able to challenge the will as he won't be able to show that he was being maintained by the deceased and should therefore be provided for.

msrisotto Tue 13-Nov-12 08:28:36

God I hate what money does to people. And inheritance issues tend to get ugly too.

I agree with you and your mum though. Your sister won't have the opportunities that you and your brother have, due to her condition. It is understandable that your mum wants to do this for her, because who else will? He is seeing green and being selfish and incredibly crass.

ihavenofuckingclue Tue 13-Nov-12 08:28:40

Hmm. I can see your brothers point. Why can't your sister work if she has epilepsy?

My mother has it, quite badly but manages to maintain a job. I know several people who have it and work.

ihavenofuckingclue Tue 13-Nov-12 08:29:20

By the way while itbis up to your mum. Its also a bit of a kick in teeth.

valiumredhead Tue 13-Nov-12 08:29:24

Do nothing. Let him rant and rave but make sure your mum has a proper will with a solicitor stating her wishes and reasons why. There is a law that protects families who can claim on inheritance iirc but they have to prove they have not been provided for - you could claim if your parents left you nothing and left everything they had to charity instead. You'd probably be best off posting this in legal to get proper advice.

avivabeaver Tue 13-Nov-12 08:30:05

agree, might be nothing left by the time your mum dies.

also, whilst i would not do this-i would split 3 ways, will there be a huge fight? if your mum makes it clear in her will that she has considered it, and it goes to your sister, what fight is there to have?

it might be worth sitting down with your mum and having a proper conversation about it. maybe she assumed you and dbro would be able to get on housing ladder but this has not proved the case. how would your sister feel about it?

BlueberryHill Tue 13-Nov-12 08:30:07

RedHelen, makes a very good point. Is the house big enough to be sold, the proceeds divided up, but with enough for your sister to have a large enough amount to be able to buy a nice, just smaller house?

The risk is that your DB and DS will be estranged once your mum dies, that is an awful position to be in, if your DB feels hard done by. Everyone has a valid opinion, in the end it is your mothers cash, but she does need to consider the ongoing relationship between her children.

valiumredhead Tue 13-Nov-12 08:30:24

red has a very good point!

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake Tue 13-Nov-12 08:30:34

If your mum lived in a modest house then I would think it would be fair to leave it solely to your sister as both you and your brother are 'housed'.

As it's a big house and worth considerably more then it's likely that your sister is the only one of the 3 of you who will ever be able to live somewhere so big/great - and that's not fair, to elevate one childs life fortunes so far above the others.

It might be better if it were split but that the majority of the share should go to buying a house/flat so your sister always has somewhere to live but that there would be a modest inheritance for the other 2.

whoisright Tue 13-Nov-12 08:31:02

What I hate most is having to have these conversations with them almost as if our parents are dead already, it upsets me.

Also, I am lucky to have a council house, yes our dcs are unwell and dh and I have same cond but I think at least for now dh can work and we have a 3 bed house. my brother is healthy and has a brilliant job but oour sister cannot work and her dp has a badly paid job, this would be there only chance to live in something other than a 1 bed.

captainmummy Tue 13-Nov-12 08:31:24

All things being equal, the estate should of course be split 3 ways (it's what i am going to do) but it is your mums estate, her wishes and there is nothing any of you can do.

You can talk to your mum and sugest that maybe you and your DB get something, but in law, you are not entitled to anything.

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake Tue 13-Nov-12 08:31:33

it took me so long to type that I see kungfu has already said it grin

NotMostPeople Tue 13-Nov-12 08:31:34

If the house were sold would there be enough money left to buy a property each? If not could you take the amount to buy your sister a one bedroom flat and then split the remainder between you and your brother.

CailinDana Tue 13-Nov-12 08:31:41

What a kind person you are, I hope they appreciate you. Honestly I think you're unusual to be so magnanimous about this. I think a lot of people would feel the same as your brother.

Wouldn't it make more sense for your sister to use the proceeds from the sale of your mother's house as a deposit for a house with her DP? It does seem rather unfair that she gets - what - perhaps 3-400k while you and your brother get nothing. If you and your brother were rolling in it, it might be understandable but from what you say you're not.

How bad is your sister's epilepsy? Is she really incapable of working?

I'm not 100% sure but as far as I know for amounts above a certain level inheritance is subject to inheritance tax, which your sister might be liable for. So it might not be as straightforward as it appears.

Justforlaughs Tue 13-Nov-12 08:32:09

Obviously it is up to your parents what they do with their possessions. I do symmpathise with your brother but ultimately it's not his right to inherit your parents house. If they really want to make sure that your sister gets the house they need to make sure that their will is absolutely airtight. As for your own position I can't offer any advice except to try to stay out of it. Do you rparents have any idea of teh problems this could potentially cause, and how does your sister feel aboutit? She could, if she wanted to, refuse the legacy at the time.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Tue 13-Nov-12 08:34:09

Don't see why your sister has to inherit a big family house mortgage free while you all live in lesser accomodation with your varying problems.

Of course it is up to your Mum what she does but what she has done IS actuallly unfair - ideally be sold and the monies split three ways so you are all helped out. With your sister maybe getting a larger chunk to set herself up. You say she does not work, but what about her DP????. Also what happens if something happens to your sister. Does the DP inherit at the siblings expense.......

I can see where your brother is coming from!

But as someone else has said, this may never be an issue if your Mum has to pay for a care home.....

tiggytape Tue 13-Nov-12 08:34:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whoisright Tue 13-Nov-12 08:34:31

my sister has stated she wants the house she grew up in-will never sell it she wants to move straight back in and then have a family. her and dp are currently waiting for a 1 bed council flat which they will give up when my mums house becomes available.

TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat Tue 13-Nov-12 08:34:54

Is there any other issues with your DM, DB & Dsis?

Has there been a lot of favouritism with your sister as she's the youngest?

A recent event with my younger brother caused an issue between my older brother and DM a few months ago. While DM wasn't in the wrong this time, older DB snapped because of all the favouritism over the years.

ENormaSnob Tue 13-Nov-12 08:35:56

I'm with your brother tbh.

ihavenofuckingclue Tue 13-Nov-12 08:37:26

my sister has stated she wants the house she grew up in-will never sell it she wants to move straight back in and then have a family. her and dp are currently waiting for a 1 bed council flat which they will give up when my mums house becomes available

I can see why your brother is pissed off with that attitude

ENormaSnob Tue 13-Nov-12 08:38:53

The sister is planning to marry and have a family? Presuming then the dp can work?

I think your mum is grossly unfair and cruel.

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