Advanced search

To think that my dh should have married a bloody lap dancer if he loves them that much......

(188 Posts)
plim Mon 12-Nov-12 23:33:33

So, dh took his best mate on a 'belated stag do' this weekend - they didn't go last year when he actually got married as his fiancé was preggers.

we have just bought house, are skint, have just taken out a loan, I'm on maternity leave with our 3rd child so money is tight. Dh booked a 4star hotel for the two of em, made a weekend of it, I eeeked it out of him that they went to a lap dancing club and had 'lots of dances' in a VIP room.....

Not so much disgruntled about the fact that they went to a lap dancing club although I think they are degrading and vile but hey if thats what floats their boat, but more annoyed that we are brassic until I go back to work in new year and they have just blown a small fortune on boobs n ass being waggled in their faces.........asked dh how could we afford 4 dances each etc and he stated that 'he did not have to explain himself to me'. To top it off he was so pissed on Sunday that I told him to go straight to his weekly abode ( he works down south 3 days a week) and he will now not be home till Friday.

Just all feels a bit selfish when we have 3 lil ones and things are tight but at the same time I do think everyone has the right to let their hair down etc....

YerMaw1989 Thu 15-Nov-12 12:16:58

I think Ghostship maybe referring more to a sense of moral duty/ respect? like I have to put my urge aside because I am no longer single. I know so many men don't put I think that's what she maybe referring to?.

AnyFucker Wed 14-Nov-12 23:17:26

Many men who are users of the sex industry to this and to a more extensive degree (p*nters and other low lives) have a "lovely woman at home". They profess to love their wife whilst buying private dances and/or looking for extra marital sex on hook-up sites, putting that "lovely woman's" emotional and physical health at risk.

Some men will always want to "look elsewhere" just because they can.

Ghost the way you describe that fictional man whose outlook changes is a man with a classic madonna/whore attitude towards women. A man who compartmentalises women into 1)"lovely women" (his woman, and his mother, sister, daughter etc) and 2) women who deserve no respect or love, only for their bodies to be bought like something off the shelf at tesco.

Not nice thoughts, these.

GhostShip Wed 14-Nov-12 23:07:57

Sorry I wasn't deliberately not answering, I thought I had.

I'm not sure his outlook does change, I think it's more a matter of 'I've got a lovely woman at home I 1. Don't need to ogle and 2. Respect her' also, when you love someone you don't want to look elsewhere. The thought of looking at another mans body repulses me because I love my DP so much. (Sorry sad I know)

That's what I would like to think anyway. I'm sure a lot of men aren't like that.

And no, he is a good man in so many ways and was a good friend when I was in an abusive relationship

AnyFucker Wed 14-Nov-12 23:02:18

I won't accept the answer "when he gets a ring on his finger" from anyone ok ? < hard stares all round >

AnyFucker Wed 14-Nov-12 23:01:02

Ghost, you are not addressing my question, and are in fact sidestepping it. You say it's ok when a man is single but not when he is partnered. What happens to such a man to change his whole outlook and attitude ? It's a serious question, but I understand if you don't want to answer it. I am not talking about your man in particular here, btw, he sounds like a great guy.

Did you deliberately choose a man who wasn't a user of the sex industry then ?

GhostShip Wed 14-Nov-12 22:56:09

I don't think I could answer it to be fair anyfucker because I don't feel the same way as you do regarding the 'objectification' of women. I don't feel it's wrong for a man or woman to appreciate the opposite sex in that way, as long as they're single and hurting no-one.

I guess I'm lucky because my DP has never been interested in things like that, I've never met a man with as much respect for women as my DP. He didn't do it when he was single, and wouldn't do now either.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 14-Nov-12 22:53:24

I see where you are coming from now Ghost,having read your subsequent posts and AF's summary.

I wasn't intending to have a go,rather was seeking clarification on you stance. Which I got smile

AnyFucker Wed 14-Nov-12 22:50:01

ghost I would actually be interested in your answer to the question I posed in my post at 22:12 since it was your particular situation that put the idea into my head

you don't have to answer though, you are under no obligation and this is neither my thread nor yours smile

GhostShip Wed 14-Nov-12 22:46:07

Thankyou Anyfucker for explaining what I mean.

I won't comment on the objectification thing because we've had all that before grin

GhostShip Wed 14-Nov-12 22:44:42

Somerset where on earth have I said I don't accept why a woman doesn't want their partners looking at page 3? Even in the page 3 thread I said I understand why women don't like it!

It isn't hypocritical at all and in what you're saying you're trying to pass the blame into the woman in question.
I've posed naked before I got with DP. I wouldn't do it now, and he wouldn't ogle other women.

The fact that other womens partners have looked at my body isn't my fault, its the mens fault.

I'm not hypocritical at all, you're the one joining dots were there isn't any.

AnyFucker Wed 14-Nov-12 22:34:15

SON, with respect lovey, although i agree with you to a certain extent, i think you are straying a little bit into women-blaming territory with ghostship ( I shall desist from calling you a victim by citing "victim blaming" ghostship although the mindset is the same)

I blame the punters. If there wasn't a demand, there wouldn't be a supply.

SomersetONeil Wed 14-Nov-12 22:27:08

But The Sun isn't only bought by single men, is it...?

And in any case, yeah, the rest of what you said AF...

AnyFucker Wed 14-Nov-12 22:12:57

To be fair, ghostship is saying she feels it is only acceptable for single men to be a consumer of the sex trade

Although what I fail to understand is what happens to a man once he is no longer single that changes him from a misogynistic arsehole and disrespectful objectifier of women into a paragon of partnered virtue ?

Is there a switch in his head somewhere ? That would be handy woundn't it, for all the women that find out there is no such fucking thing but not until they are in committed relationships (and dc in the mix) with their own personal disrespecter of women

SomersetONeil Wed 14-Nov-12 22:06:49

But you can't control who views what - there isn't a filter for single men and partnered men, is there?

You absolutely should not accept anything you don't want to accept - I very much agree with the issue you have with not wanting your partner to have a LD, etc. You're very much joining the dots incorrectly by saying 'so because I've posed nude, I should accept that my partner can have a lap dance'.

It IS hypocritical to put yourself out there to be viewed by all; single men and partnered men, but then to have a problem with your man doing just that. I don't see how you can't see that?!

Can you not understand why some women have an issue with Page 3?

Putting aside the wider impact on womankind/objectification, etc, etc (which is obviously where I think the bigger problem lies)... Can you not see that some women don't really like their partners looking at other women's naked breasts over their cereal or on the tube? Is it the same thing as an actual lapdance? No. But it's on the exact same continuum. To deny this makes you look, I'm sorry, but a bit head-in-the-sand silly.

You understand why you don't want your partner to go to a LDC and have a dance, but you refuse to see why another woman might not appreciate her partner ogling Page 3. confused

GhostShip Wed 14-Nov-12 21:29:28

Just to reiterate - I don't see anything wrong with a single man doing those things. But a man who has a partner shouldn't. He should love and respect his wife, not look and pay another woman.

So how on earth am I being hypocritical? Oh but I forget, it's always the woman to blame in these situations

GhostShip Wed 14-Nov-12 21:27:20

Alis - so? Your point is? They may have, they're entitled to have that opinion. If that's what they believe then their husbands shouldn't do it.

But it seems like you're trying to say I'm somewhat at fault here. So because I've posed nude, I should accept that my partner can have a lap dance? Should I also accept being cheated on somerset

If you want to group them together, It is neither mine or the lap dancers fault that their husbands want to look at another woman.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 14-Nov-12 21:17:08

But Ghostship some women have a real issue with page 3 and think their husband shouldn't be ogling any other woman's breasts. is it different to lap dancing?

Neither bother me in the slightest. But they bother a great many women.

SomersetONeil Wed 14-Nov-12 21:06:44

I'm just loving the notion that they're 'completely different'. grin

Alligators and lemons are completely different. The only way Page 3 breasts and lap dancers are 'completely different' is if you need to justify why one is perfectly OK and one isn't.

I have to say, I now find your pro-Page 3 stance completely incredible (as in, has no credibility) now that we know you (of all people!) would not stand for your partner ogling other naked women. Dress it up any which way you need to, your stance is hypocritical.

<fails miserably at sitting on hands>

GhostShip Wed 14-Nov-12 21:04:01

I have no problem with selling sex, I don't think thats something Ive ever said is it? It's a womans prerogative if she wants to use her body in such a way.

My problem is a man with a partner who he's suppose to love, buying sex.

The lap dancer isn't the problem here, it's the husband.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 14-Nov-12 20:55:41

But it's still selling sex is it not Ghostship?

Different ends of the same business. Seems rather hypocritical to be okay with your contribution but not others.

GhostShip Wed 14-Nov-12 20:46:17

Yes you sit on those hands because there's no point trying to argue with me, its my opinion.

SomersetONeil Wed 14-Nov-12 20:40:27

"Page 3 isn't personal. Thousands see it. A woman dancing on your lap and you handing her money is completely different."


<sits on hands>

AnyFucker Wed 14-Nov-12 14:30:56

It seems your H prefers his sex industry consumerism in the flesh then ?

plim Wed 14-Nov-12 13:45:11

That's interesting because dh says he doesn't like porn particularly, I think they perhaps got very pissed and ended up in a lap dancing club. Checked bank balance and he spent around 280 quid but he does also have a creit card but doubt he used that.

GhostShip Wed 14-Nov-12 13:13:22

Somerset one is physical, one isn't. Page 3 isn't personal. Thousands see it. A woman dancing on your lap and you handing her money is completely different.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now