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To think it's not on to invite everyone in the class apart from two children?

(161 Posts)
3b1g Mon 12-Nov-12 22:41:04

DS2 is in Y6. A girl in his class has invited about forty children to a disco for her eleventh birthday. This includes everyone in the class apart from two children, and another twelve or so from the other two classes. DS2 is one of the two she hasn't invited, and he is perplexed and disappointed. I understand that he isn't everyone's cup of tea (he has Asperger's and is a bit socially immature) and I suppose that as it's her party then she has a right to invite whomever she wants, but I wouldn't let one of my children do this.

thebody Mon 12-Nov-12 22:44:37

An your poor ds. I usually take the attitude that kids should invite who they want to their own party but seems a tad mean to just leave 2 out.

I wouldn't do that.

DewDr0p Mon 12-Nov-12 22:46:11

YANBU, I think that's mean.

We don't always invite the whole class to parties but would never leave just a small number out.

Hassled Mon 12-Nov-12 22:47:17

No, I wouldn't let one of my children do this either. It's just horrible.

TheBigKidsDidIt Mon 12-Nov-12 22:54:09

That is shitty. Are you sure it;s not by mistake (trying to be charitable)? Take DS out somewhere special and BETTER than their crappy party.

squeakytoy Mon 12-Nov-12 22:55:19

Is it definately not just a mix up with invites?

picnicbasketcase Mon 12-Nov-12 22:56:33

You either invite everyone or a small group, done fairly quietly so others don't get upset, IMO. Leaving two out is horrible.

Foosyerdoos Mon 12-Nov-12 22:59:21

YANBU. I would not leave out one or two kids from a party. I think that is mean.

mummytime Mon 12-Nov-12 22:59:30

My DS was once one of 2/3 boys not invited to a party (every other boy in his year was invited). I still think the parent was unreasonable. But from experience some otherwise seemingly pleasant people can be really mean from time to time, like this.

3b1g Mon 12-Nov-12 23:00:32

Sadly it isn't a mistake, he went up to her and asked her for his invitation when he saw that everyone else had one. sad

PenguinBear Mon 12-Nov-12 23:02:09

YANBU, that's dreadful sad

apostropheuse Mon 12-Nov-12 23:02:46

Oh that's heartbreaking. The wee soul. sad

wewereherefirst Mon 12-Nov-12 23:02:48

That's really mean and unnecessary. Why can't invites just be put in trays discreetly? YANBU.

3b1g Mon 12-Nov-12 23:04:09

I would have preferred it if the mum had contacted me to explain before the invitations went out, then I could have quickly made plans for that day so that when the invitations came out, he'd have known that we were already busy that day and he couldn't go anyway.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 12-Nov-12 23:06:07

I would let my child do this if the other child was a bully or even if they'd just had a major falling out. I don't think it's fair to make them invite people they hate... BUT... I wouldn't allow it for a child who has SN or is just in some way 'different' to the majority of the class whether that's race, religion or something completely shallow. We would be having a BIG discussion about any of that nonsense. There's a big difference IMO.

Do you know why the other child has been excluded?

I'm sorry your DS is missing out, it heartbreaking to watch sad

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 12-Nov-12 23:07:35

I wonder if the Mum knows he has been missed out? At 11 my Mum wouldn't have had any idea who was in my class or if I'd left someone out.

sleepyhead Mon 12-Nov-12 23:08:16

It doesn't reflect well on her, or her parents.

YANBU. I would be ashamed if my child did something like this.

MaryMotherOfCheeses Mon 12-Nov-12 23:09:59


In terms of possible mistakes though, I have to say that I simply wouldn't know if anyone had been excluded had my child just reeled off a list of names for invitations. We don't have a class list to refer to.

3b1g Mon 12-Nov-12 23:10:54

He has never been accused of bullying, I'm sure the school would have mentioned it as we have regular IEP meetings. He's a very gentle soul but can be a bit silly and is 'odd' at the best of times.
The other child who hasn't been invited is generally popular and socially confident, but recently had a falling out with the birthday girl.

pigletmania Mon 12-Nov-12 23:13:56

That is just so mean, how awful. I feel so sad for your ds. Hope karma bites her in the bum one day and she experiences something similar

3b1g Mon 12-Nov-12 23:20:00

Part of me wishes I could phone the mum up and say "DS2 seems to have been left off the list and I'm sure it must be an accidental oversight" but (a) I don't have the balls guts and (b) I've been informed by another mum that it wasn't accidental.

FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda Mon 12-Nov-12 23:23:49

Sadly this is to be expected when a child has Aspergers. My daughter (19) has it and has never been invited to a birthday party or anything else for that matter.

Dancergirl Mon 12-Nov-12 23:29:42

But to put another slant on it, a mixture of children from the 3 classes have been invited, it just so happens that most of them are from her class.

I don't really get whole class parties and the pressure to invite everyone. OP I'm not saying this is your ds, but just suppose the 2 not invited have bullied or been mean to this girl? Why would you invite them I'd they've been horrible to her (just an example)?

3b1g Mon 12-Nov-12 23:30:50

FNIAPP: I think you're right, it just makes me so sad. He has been invited to three parties in the past three years: two because the mums were friends of mine and had kind DCs, and one by a boy in the year below who he gets on with. All three went really well with no problems. Maybe people are just scared of what they don't understand?

3b1g Mon 12-Nov-12 23:33:26

Dancergirl: I think it's fine to pick and choose if you're inviting a smaller group, let's say up to half the class. That's what I would guide my children towards doing if there were some people that they really didn't get on with.

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