To wish dh earned more money?

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

Dh does a job he adores, but pays a pittance and involves a longish commute on public transport (he doesnt drive). The site he is at is moving to somewhere out of reach of public transport (without trebling his commuting time and paying taxis).

Work are offering a years paid transport from his current site and back again daily, but he would still need to be at this site an hour before usual each morning. All this for the same practically minimum wage. He is still unsure whether he is going to accept.

I work in a job I feel pretty 'meh' about, involves seven day week shift work but pays reasonable. While we dont have massive outgoings, we dont have any money left at the end of the month. LUckily we get a huge discount on our childcare as it is a family member who is a registered CM.

AIBU to wish that dh would do a job whoch he doesnt necessarily love in order that we can have some savings / a nest egg. We dont have an annual abroad holiday but have one family UK holiday which costs £200 total.

[MiniTheMinx]

My first feeling is you are not unreasonable but thinking in this I feel that it is not a an unreasonable expectation that someone should be able to do a job they love, a job they are good at and that it should always offer more than just a life carved out in subsistence.

How on earth do you manage a holiday on £200 ? eager for tips can it be done?

[MiniTheMinx]

thinking ON this [butter fingers]

[gordyslovesheep]

camping

[PuffPants]

We all wish we were millionaires at times but, honestly, a job you love is a pretty rare and special thing. A happy husband is worth a lot.

[Bogeyface]

YANBU

If you need more money and it sounds like his job is getting less workable by the day, then it should be him that is looking for something else. Even if it is only NMW but within a much shorted commute so you are saving money on transport.

Have you talked to him about it? Is he willing to look for another job?

[JeanBodel]

YANBU, a bit. But work is important - I wouldn't do a job I didn't like just to have savings or a nest egg. Few people in this life a) know what their dream job is and b) get to do it. That's worth a lot.

Could you move house? Could he learn to drive? These are the sorts of things that might have to change for him to keep doing what he's doing.

Bear in mind childcare costs will hopefully go down as the kids grow up - can you get through a few years of pain to have a wonderful life later down the track?

[Bogeyface]

Puff yes a happy husband is worth alot, but not at the expense of the wifes happiness. Surely they both deserve to be happy? And that wont happen if one is bankrolling the others "dream".

[McChristmasPants2012]

would it be possible for him to learn to drive.

[emsyj]

It sounds as though the job he has is going to become unfeasible quite soon, so from a practical viewpoint something will have to change - does he agree? Is he planning what he will do to overcome the difficulty of the site move?

Could he do what he does in a more senior role and get paid more? Could he go freelance and earn more? It's hard to comment without knowing. I agree with the poster who said that it is rare to have a job you love, and it would be a shame for him to have to give it up - but it would be reasonable for him to look at whether there are any options out there that would enable him to do what he loves and earn a better living.

[PuffPants]

True Bogey, good point. Perhaps he can find something he really likes, instead of loves.

But...OP admits she is ambivalent about her own averagely-paid job. Maybe she could try earning more too?

[MiniTheMinx]

Does he pay for his own travel at the moment.

If work are stumping up the travel expenses for a year would that make you financially better off for a year?

[PropertyNightmare]

Yanbu because the job he loves is about to become a commuting nightmare anyway.

[LessMissAbs]

YANBU. Hes in his prime earning years, most people don't get to do easy jobs they love in these years but jobs that pay the bills and give a good standard of living. Different if he has a lifetime of high stress hard work behind him and is looking for a change/easier life later on in life, but he should be more responsible just now and man up. You sound as though you have!

[OpheliaPayneAgain]

YABU - could you not pull your finger out of your arse and look for promotion/better prosects/increased salary. These are the days of equality - he's quite entitled to be in a job and have you as the major wage earner rather than you complaining about his inadequacies.

[joanofarchitrave]

YANBU to wish for a higher income, few of us don't.

Is there any prospect of your dh earning more in the future in this field?
Could he learn to drive/fund a car? What is his plan for after the year - job move, lift share?
When will your childcare costs drop? What childcare will you need when yours are at school?

In your dh's/your situation, I would accept, then spend the year looking for something else, perhaps in the same field.

If he comes up with the bright idea of going freelance in the same field, just say no, unless he is a natural entrepreneur (few and far between IMO) or has very rare skills.

[maybenow]

I wouldn't give up a job I loved. Partly because giving up any job and trying to find a new one right now is very very hard but also because I would always feel a bit resentful that I'd had to.

However, he needs to sort out the transport issue - cycling is cheapest, if he loves his job enough he could/should be able to cycle up to 20miles each way. If it's further than that then a cheap low-power motorcycle?

What are his longterm plans? Is this a 'forever' job? or does he see somewhere he could go next?

[inabeautifulplace]

It doesn't seem like his current job is feasible with an extra 10 hrs commuting per week. From that angle the sacrifice of staying in the job possibly outweighs the benefits.

However, it does rather depend on how much extra he could earn at a different job. Say he works 2000hrs a year, are you prepared to trade 2000 hours of his happiness for 40 hours on a beach somewhere?

[cumfy]

What route will this "works bus" or whatever it is take ?

Could he get on it nearer to home ?

[OldMumsy]

Sometimes you have to do things that you are not in love with to earn money to keep the family. It's life.

[Loveweekends10]

I spent quite a few years thinking that about my DH. Then suddenly last year he decided he wanted to be ambitious. (Mid life crisis I think). Now I hardly see him he is always working. Be careful what you wish for is the moral of the tale.

[janey68]

Can he learn to drive (or look at subsidised travel if there is a medical reason why he can't?)
It seems to me there is a grey area here in between the black and white of him just carrying on with the situation as it is, and jacking the job in.

Yabu to expect him to make changes though, if you're not prepared to do so yourself, as it sounds like your job doesn't pay massively well and is not very convenient shifts.

Ultimately if things are like this for the next few years then I still don't think you've got it too bad. A camping holiday is the most many young families can afford (we never did anything else while ours were small) and the massively discounted childcare would be a dream come true to many parents.

[janey68]

Ps hope that doesn't sound harsh. It just strikes me that very few parents of young children are in a position to save each month so maybe you're getting a skewed idea of what other parents can afford?

[TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat]

I don't think you're unreasonable to feel that way if you're concerned about money but we were in this situation 2 years ago. DP worked his arse off for a promotion and got it.

He is so stressed and miserable, if he carries on the way he is I'm sure he will have a heart attack soon. I'm looking for a better paid job and more hours just so he can step back a bit. We will even move to a cheaper house.

His health and happiness is is more important. It's also my responsibility to make sure bills are paid, not just his.

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

Is he likely to continue loving the job he is in already when a horrible commute is going to be added to it? My DH gave up a job he loved with a group of people he loved because the commute became too much.

I think I'd wait for the new arrangement to start before saying anything. Wait and see if he starts thinking he should look for another job after a couple of months of the new arrangement. If he accepts of course. You have to let him make his own decision about whether or not he takes it, and support him either way.