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(13 Posts)
gobbymare Mon 12-Nov-12 20:07:57

ok so i ring DP to see if DSD wants mash sausages and carrotts for tea, says yes and does he want mince mash & carrotts this too is fine.

He comes in i explain what a shitty day i`ve had and carry on cooking tea.

Told him DSD tea is nearly done, he then went on to ask her if she wanted carrotts, beans or mash with her sausage , her reply is none of them. He went to offer mince and mash to which she said yes, AIBU think it is wrong to offer her something else when i had already cleared with him( & cooked) what she was having and to offer her something else and then the sausages go to waste, his reply is that the mince was already cooked what was the problem, i said because now the sausages are being wasted and she was happy to have sausages to start with, which she didn`t even eat them and is now asking for something else grrr he then says i nick picking at him because i`ve had a shit day.

I am angry with him because (as i have posted before) he lets his daughter get away with murder ie tonight my daughter asked if she could go on DP laptop, he says yes, then DSD pipes up with i was just about to go on that daddy(she was sat on her dads knee watching tv) and goes to the laptop and he says nothing ! my daughter then says its ok because she feels like she has to, and asks how long DSD is going to be to be ignored again nothing is said !

Now DP is trying to defuse the situation by general chit chat but i am angry because its the same arguement everytime, its either his ex wife or daughter that i cannot say anything about, and i feel guilty being pissed off because tomorrow is going to be a hard day as it is the anaversary of his still born son.


ClippedPhoenix Mon 12-Nov-12 20:20:00

How often does DSD stay round?
How long have they been apart?
He's feeling really guilty about leaving his daugher in my book and maybe you need to cut a bit of slack if it's not been long.

When my DP's son stay's round rightly or wrongly I tend to go with what he wants due to the fact that my son is in his own house and usually has it his way.

gobbymare Mon 12-Nov-12 20:26:49

Sorry phoeix i think maybe my post wasn`t clear (should have put a bit of background info in).

We have DSD 3 nights per week, every week and have done since me and DP got together 2 years ago, he didn`t leave his wife she threw him out of the home (they jointly owned) because she was having an affair (long story).

There has never been any time that DSD & my DP have been apart other than holidays with her mum etc...

ClippedPhoenix Mon 12-Nov-12 20:29:59

Have you had words with him about this then? How is he with your daughter when his isn't there?

Leafmould Mon 12-Nov-12 20:30:58

Irritating. It's annoying when you are trying to be consistent, and other people are undermining you. Can you talk to your dp about it: give an external example,,get him agreeing that it's no good to undermine an attempt to be consistent, and then tell him that that is how you feel about dsd.

The trouble is that the things you are talkin about could easily be dismissed as trivial. I don't think they are, but anyone who wants to argue the toss will.

gobbymare Mon 12-Nov-12 20:40:59

I have tried so many times to explain this, and he then goes on to say i am the same with my son, that i give in, but my son has ADHD Tourettes & ODD so its not like they can be compared, IMO i have always been a shouty parent rather than smack i shout and when i shout they understand to not push it, he says i am hard on my DD but not on my DS, to a point i agree because of his condition he has to be told several times because short term memory loss is a side effect of his condition.

It seems to me that he then tries to sway it towards my parenting skills rather than accept his own mistakes.

I have given him examples of his behaviour and he says its hard because he lost his son, i have never lost a child so i have no idea how it feels but he is turning DSD into a child who expects everything (compensating maybe?)and who throws tantrums even tho she is 7, granted she throws these strops more with her mother than us but we get alot of "please daddy" until she gets her way or he shouts (usually double figures of asking before he shouts).

When i try to explain how i feel about it he acts "stupid" for want of a better word, like i am talking different language ?? i put it into the simplest forms possible and still he does not get it, (his wife used to say he was thick in terms of understanding what people say) but i dont think he is as such but i can see why she says it because it is so frustrating !

gobbymare Mon 12-Nov-12 20:44:25

He is great with both my children, i could not ask for a better step parent

Leafmould Mon 12-Nov-12 21:10:26

Sounds like a tough situation. Just hold fast and keep doing what you are doing. Your dsd will be learning something from the way you are with your own kids.
As she grows older, things may change, and if her behaviour becomes more deeply challenging, her df will be forced to deal with it.

CaliforniaLeaving Mon 12-Nov-12 21:44:33

Why do you even ask? I just cook, they either eat or not, problem solved, everyone gets the same meal, no sausage or mince, it's all one or the other.

TheCatIsEatingIt Mon 12-Nov-12 21:47:51

Can't he have her sausages if she's having his mince?

gobbymare Mon 12-Nov-12 21:55:26

Well he did suggest he have the sausages tomorrow but there is 5 left and he is trying to lose weight so 5 sausages is not helping the weight issue.

She is a fussy eater and he thinks she should have a choice.

gobbymare Mon 12-Nov-12 22:00:36

He has not touched his tea says he isn't hungry..I say he is being childish because he loves his food.

It's not about the sausages as such it's the whole undermining me and wastage but I just didn't see the point of offering her something else after okay'ing the food that was prepared or gravy with her sausages when she turned her nose up at mash, beans or carrots.

gobbymare Mon 12-Nov-12 22:10:11

Ok scrap that he is now having a SAUSAGE sandwhich hmm

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