To expect my housemates to let themselves in the effing house?(34 Posts)
In a shared house for this year of university- and I made the mistake of selecting the front, ground floor bedroom (what should have been the living room). Upon choosing this room, and moving all of my stuff in- I have somehow got fucking 'concierge' stamped on my forehead.
My housemates are lovely and we get on well. However, I have a serious bugbear with them: they expect me to keep on opening the door for them.
They are repeatedly losing keys, then finding them, then someone else loses them. As my room is right next to the front door, it's me who has to stop in the middle of my sentence for my essay, or quickly blow on the nails I was painting, and go and open the door for them.
This is a minor aspect of my problem- I wouldn't ever leave someone outside who genuinely didn't have a way of getting in, but because in the past I have previously jumped to look after the poor dear who left their keys by the toaster and are now locked outside in the rain, they almost expect me to run and open the door for them- rather than letting themselves in the house.
For example, someone will ring the door, I'll ignore it, they'll ring it repeatedly a few times to attempt to get my attention, I'll ignore it again- and then they'll give up and let themselves in. WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET YOUR KEYS OUT AND LET YOURSELVES IN INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR ME TO DO IT?
Sometimes they just choose not to take keys out. Which is great for them not having that ridiculously heavy key chain taking up valuable lipstick and fag space in their clutch bag, but not when the bloke they copped off with kicks them out before his lecture and they're there bashing the door down at 8am waking me up.
Last night they all went out as house, and I stayed in as my boyfriend was over for the weekend. Naturally we both took advantage of the quiet, but I was furious to hear 'DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG' at that vital moment - when I pulled myself off him, chucked a dressing gown and opened the door- 75% of my housemates were stood there looking gormless and explained that that the only person with a set of keys had gone to buy some mushrooms. HOW HARD IS IT FOR ALL OF YOU TO TAKE YOUR KEYS WITH YOU?
This sounds horrendously trivial, but it's happening everyday and I've had it up to my tin lid. I've got mixed opinions, some people are saying that IABU because in my family home you would just go and open the door to anyone who knocked, and some people think that I'm right and they're just taking the piss.
Haven't seen any of them since they rudely interrupted my orgasm. I just flung the door open, snarled (yes, a real live snarl) and stomped back to my room.
I would ignore in, pretend your not in.
If they realise you are in just say you were asleep, in the shower, on the phone etc.they will soon start taking keys if they are kept outside. They are adults not babies, just lazy ones by the sound of it.
Stop opening the door then, get some headphones
I hope you told them they were responsible for ruining your orgasm
Have a house meeting or tell them individually that you will no longer be opening the door for them; you are not a concierge service: if the leave/lose their keys in future, they must stand outside until another person with a key turns up.
Stick to it.
They know what they are doing are are starting to actually take the pee re: the party.
Things always happen at that "crucial" moment. Always.
I think they could tell from the look of my face exactly what they interrupted.
But it's not just them they expect me to keep on opening the door for, it's their friends and their couriers and anyone else who wants to talk to them. For example, our kitchen is right near the front door- if I was expecting a friend to come over, or had a text from UPS saying my parcel would arrive between 3pm-4pm, I'd like to think I'd sit by the kitchen and anticipate it's/their arrival.
People expect others to do things for them because they know that they always will.
A problem like this could be stopped in its tracks within a couple of days.
You might just have to tell them all that you're not answering the door any more. Or just don't answer the door. Ever. They'll soon learn
I've done the house meeting and their reasoning is this-
'We can't hear the door, you can'
This is true, we're in a thick-walled Victorian property with tenants in the basement and attic. The people on the 1st floor can't even hear the door. But because I think they should sit in the kitchen and wait for their friends to get there if they are expecting them, I am somehow being VVVVVVVVU.
I've thought about it NatashaBee but then I'd be subjected to the even more annoying RAT A TAT TA RAT A TAT
Replace the doorbell? You can get doorbells that connect to a ringringnoisething some distance away. Get one of those, and hook it up so it goes RING RING RING RING RING somewhere in the middle of the house.
If they can't hear the door they need to get one of those wireless doorbell thingies so that they can hear it, or they'll have to get their friends to text them when they arrive
Just stop answering and it'll stop being a problem
See by that reasoning you HAVE become the concierge -you can hear the door, ergo you must open the door at all times.
But concierges get paid so you could accept your new found job and argue for a substantial reduction in rent .
Or just ignore the door and let parcels go undelivered and housemates get wet . It wont take many of these events before they get trained to listen for the door if they are expecting things/people.
Unless its a mansion though I fail to understand how anyone can be too far away to hear the front door .
Why don't their friends ring them on their mobiles? 'I'm outside'.
Oddly enough I thought that most young people had mobile phones. And that said phones were kept on them at all time
My doorbell has a ringer that plugs in elsewhere. It costs about a tenner. I suggest you invest in one of those
then move it randomly round the house and plug it in a loooooooooong way away from your room. Also, earplugs.
Yanbu to be pissed off with the lazy arsed feckers <fond memories of own student days>
That would drive me nuts. Nearly as nuts as our postie ringing my bell every morning to let him into the building and then ringing it again if I don't reply 'because I know you're in'. But at least he has an excuse that he can't get in otherwise!
I agree with ignoring them, or just simply saying 'I'm sorry, I am not going to answer the door any more, it's too much of a pain'.
I think maybe they think you're a bit soft, and think this is something they can 'negotiate'. If you just keep saying 'no, sorry, I can't', they may mutter but eventually they will accept you don't want to.
So, the doorbell improvement thingy.
And tell your housemates to give their mobile numbers to all their friends and couriers.
either get the movable door bell - you plug it into a socket and it can be heard remotely - or just simply refuse to answer the door no matter how hard they knock ring etc. give them all fair warning " as of next Monday i am refusing to open the door for any of you, your visitors or deliveries" and absolutely stick to it. I guarantee you that within a week the problem will have been solved. if you behave like a door mat ime people treat you like one so just put your foot right down. you are completely in the right over this, no question about that. if one of your flatmates doesnt like it tell them to swop rooms and they can become the lackie for everyone else.
How annoying - I used to have a room in a building divided into bedsits with one security door at the bottom of the stairs - I put a doorbell in so friends could visit (this was in the days before mobile phones), but people who wanted the other rooms would press it too so I ended up going down to let other people's visitors in - I disconnected it in the end!
Headphones!! They're a lifesaver and my excuse/reason for not answering the door/phone.
"I had my headphones in I couldn't hear you!".
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