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I haven't spoken to my mother in a year and now my life feels like hell

(9 Posts)
AIrplay Mon 12-Nov-12 16:31:07

My mother and father split in 1990 when i was 21 they didn't love each other and all was amicable until my mother found out dad was having an affair!! Worst marriage and my brother and sister didn't speak to my dad in 20+ years ( my sister has in last 2 years) My mothers partner of 16 years was diagnosed with prostate cancer also 2 years ago. During this time my father admitted that he and my mother were back in love. I have watched their behaviour through emails. My mothers opp-ions were becoming word perfect to my fathers! When i told them my concerns they immediately changed their email addresses. My mother and father are takers in life, Bled their parents dry, My Gran who's 99 is still funding my mother who's her power of attorney. My mother is a very cruel carer!! Everything with my mother ( the war baby) i call her has conditions. Her partner emailed me the other day to tell me there would be no inheritance!! Gosh did he get the truth back!! Now My mother who ignored my plee for mediation is turning my beloved Gran and Auntie against me. She threatened me she would!! My mother loads the gun and watches me fire it, standing back all innocent. She so small minded her pattern is repeated time and time again. High and lows and the same height and unable to control her temper. Lacks humility towards any human being that doesn't give to her. I wanted this to be logged as she is making me out to be a total liar. Years i have suffered from her rule. I never married as my mother wouldn't have my father in the same room, he doesn't even know my beautiful daughter of 12 years in Christened. When i bought my first home in 1998 i had an Abbey cash back mortgage. Mum lent me 2.5K for 8 weeks and went crazy as it took longer and she was losing out in Interest which added to £32.00. I hope the truth will come out 1 day but now my beautiful Gran hardly speaks to me. I allow my daughter to see my mother. My daughter is protected from her on my side, but my mother drags her through it. Again no humility at all. So sad. If anyone else has a similar story please tell me,a s i feel i'm suffering in silence for too long. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

HecatePropylaea Mon 12-Nov-12 17:23:35

I'm so sorry. It sounds awful.

If you feel a vulnerable person is being financially abused (your gran) - report it. And keep reporting it. Insist that person is protected.

Inheritance wise - doesn't matter. It's only money. don't let them hold that over you.

I am astonished that you let your daughter have anything to do with her. She is telling everyone else terrible things about you - why do you think she would not try to poison your daughter too? You owe your daughter the mother you never had. She doesn't need that woman in her life.

and neither do you.

You have given your mother far too much power over you sad not marrying because of her? Pet, you should never have felt you had to make that choice. If she wouldn't be in the room with him - she would have missed the wedding and that would have been her tough luck. Instead, you chose to not marry?

She's done a real number on you, hasn't she?

but it's not too late. you can be the assertive, adult, strong woman you need to be and kick her the hell out of your life.

What does she bring to it? Doesn't sound like anything but misery.

You don't HAVE to have people in your life because of DNA.

socharlotte Mon 12-Nov-12 18:32:42

I find your Op very confusing
The problems you have with your mother seem to be
1 she is spending the money of your 90 yr old gran to whom she is carer .But surely it is money she and your aunt will be in line to inherit on the death of your gran anyway.If the aunt and gran don't have a problem with it, then what is it to you?

2 She lent you £2500 in 1988.You couldn't pay it back when you said you would and she wanted the lost interest back

I think YABU
1 Your mum has had a hard time with your Dad cheating on her and then her 2nd partner being diagnosed with cancer
2Do you think being a carer of a 90 yr old who isn't complis mentis is easy (presumably your gran isn't , if she has given away power of attorney)?
3 You are an adult you can't blame your not marrying on your mother

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 12-Nov-12 18:50:27

Hi there OP
So sorry to hear about this
Do let us know if you would like us to move this thread to our Relationships topic won't you.

AIrplay Mon 12-Nov-12 18:51:33

Thank you for your replies. My Gran had to sell up her home so my mother could be mortgage free when my parents split. My fathers parents hbought them an unencumbered property. My mother and father sold their mg free home only with a debt of 100k. My father was working for Gan financial services and put the money into an Endownment. My mother told the family he was a gambler. On mothers 65 birthday guess what the Endownment matured!! Mother split the proceeds with my father and tried to pay me off so i didn't tell my siblings!! This is not a loving mother this person is and outright selfish taker. My Gran should be in a home and not living in an upstaires apartment where she can hardly see. Mum and auntie do go in 2 a day. I can't even have a nice conversation with my gran without my mother narrating over her. ' he we go again' how many times are you going to repeat yourself. Gran lost her battery for her hearing aid. My mother lost it with her and Gran sat down saying. What's going to take me. I don't want to live anymore. I cried and cried all night. My parents gave up my brother sister and me for a year when we were all under 7 years old. Our Gran is the world to us and it breaks my heart to see her treated this way. Hecate i'm going to get some good advice regarding my Grans care. Thank you both again for your replies

socharlotte Mon 12-Nov-12 21:03:44

Hi thankyou , your second post has given a bit more perspective into things.I think you should cut your losses, she is never going to be the kind of mother you want. Your gran will be ok

PropertyNightmare Mon 12-Nov-12 22:03:45

Great advice from Hecate.

PropertyNightmare Mon 12-Nov-12 22:04:47

And agree with both posters who advise that you cut your losses. I hope that you are feeling happier soon.

MORCAPS Mon 12-Nov-12 23:09:40

Just walk away from all of it.

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