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To wonder why i bother with this woman!!!

(17 Posts)
Whatnowffs Mon 12-Nov-12 13:13:15

My "friend", i have known her all my life - always makes me feel rubbish about myself, always!

I have just got a part-time job with a "company" she used to work for, instead of being pleased for me, she tells me how shite it was, how it wont be worth me doing it etc etc. To be fair, its not a brilliant employer, i know this but it is a stop-gap job which i have landed after years of trying and i NEED the money.

When she is doing well she loves to rub it in, yet always seems to want to belittle my achievements!

Seriously, i don't know why i bother, it has ALWAYS been like this - it doesn't actually bother me anymore, but i had a sort of bet with myself to see if she would do it and predictable as ever............

Does anyone else have "old" or "best" friends like this??

Don't get me wrong, if anything went tits up for her, id be there but fuck, honestly, i don't know why i bother with her!

HecatePropylaea Mon 12-Nov-12 13:20:01


I dump people who make me feel shit.

I suggest you do the same. Life is too short to waste it on arseholes.

It is very liberating.

WelshMaenad Mon 12-Nov-12 13:21:08

I had an entire group of them. I ditched them about two years ago. I can't tell you how good it feels!

socharlotte Mon 12-Nov-12 13:36:21

I have just cut off a toxic friend, and I feel much more positive already!

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-Nov-12 13:39:48

Someone on here once referred to friends like that as 'drains' whereas good friends are 'radiators'. grin Ditch the drain. wink

zlist Mon 12-Nov-12 13:47:23

I love the 'drain/radiator' thing!
Yes, looking back I counted quite a few drains as friends in my twenties. So obvious looking back but I don't think I really saw it. I do now though! I've stopped maintaining my friendship with them (I moved away just before I turned 30) and now aquaintances don't get to the friend stage if they show these (and other) character traits. Life really is too short!

Whatnowffs Mon 12-Nov-12 14:10:45

Yep - i make you all right there! Funny though that actually the ones you think are the radiators, turn out to be the drains! If that makes sense.

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-Nov-12 14:11:41

I have had a suspected drain who has turned out to be the most wonderful radiator. grin

somuchslimmernow Mon 12-Nov-12 14:34:22

if she makes you feel rubbish dump her..she is not a true friend, life is way too short.

prudencesmom Mon 12-Nov-12 16:15:28

Ditch the bitch grin
I think you are just friends out of habit, and its all one sided.

BonaDea Mon 12-Nov-12 16:27:50

I do. She absolutely, positively lost me forever this summer when she cancelled on my hen do the DAY BEFORE and then didn't bother to tell me herself that she wouldn't make my wedding - I had to basically call and ask her (I had worked out from her due dates it was unlikely she would make it, but I expected that since she had been invited she would do me the courtesy of at least telling me that she couldn't make it). I didn't even get a card from her for my wedding, never mind a gift. This is despite the fact that she's had engagement, wedding and baby presents from me and my now DH.

Some people are just selfish. They are hard wired that way.

Incidentally, I had her on the phone last week as she'd just heard through the grapevine that I was pregnant. She seemed genuinely pleased for me and was apologetic about her behaviour. However, it won't last and she's definitely slipped down a notch or two in my 'stack rankings' of friends.


socharlotte Mon 12-Nov-12 16:29:18

Indeed sparklingbrook, it isn't unusual for radiatiors and drains to be disguised as the other.

AIrplay Mon 12-Nov-12 17:23:29

She not a friend, I broke away from a friend similar 2 years ago. Best thing i ever did!!! If someone can be like that towards you then it could be a jealously thing on her side. I don't have that word in my vocabulary normally as its so negative. I would say to her, I betted you would say that!! It's your life an not hers. Givers and takers. You need to protect yourself as she will continue to put you down. Find other friends as this friendship sounds unhealthy. I adore my friends and thank my lucky stars that we all cherish each other. Time to move on. Good luck smile

Shamentincturepincher Mon 12-Nov-12 18:30:41

Some people bond in a weird way. My old flatmate had THE most toxic friends who seemed intent on bringing her down. But they all stayed in touch be ause they always had and probably always would do. She seemed genuinely astonished that you could weed out drains and find new radiators.

ErrorError Mon 12-Nov-12 19:31:57

I've cut off a 'drain' after 23 years! Well she made that decision for me by spreading an untrue rumour. So hey ho! Took me a long time to see the light, but it sure feels good to be free now! Ditch the bitch!

(On a side note though, like some here I have some genuine friends who at first getting to know stage you think are 'drains', but in times of genuine need are the best 'radiators' around. It's hard knowing the difference sometimes but brilliant when you figure it out!)

MammaTJ Mon 12-Nov-12 19:49:02

Next time you have something nice to tell her, that you know she will belittle, write down what you know she will say in an envelope. Once she has said it, hand her the envelope!! Hopefully then, she will realise how predictable she is in her negativity.

lovebunny Mon 12-Nov-12 20:01:02

avoid her.

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