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Baby won't sleep at night, three year dropping nap in the day

(41 Posts)
ditziness Mon 12-Nov-12 03:37:59

I feel like I haven't slept for over a year now. Had enough. Getting so angry and upset. Atleast I used to be able to vegan hour or so sit down after lunch to feed the baby or optimistically snooze, but now i'm usually just getting an hour swearing at my three old and putting him back in bed while the baby cries. But if the three year old doesn't sleep he's a horrible tired mess by late afternoon, so I need to go out of walk him around in the buggy to fall asleep . Dead on my feet. Or he'll fall asleep around 5 and then not go to bed till 930pm giving me precisely 30 mins off before the baby starts waking up every hour, as she's only doing a two and a half hour stretch from 730-10 these days.

Tonight has been an ordeal, one of those nights you looking at the clock hoping it'll say 6 am for it to be over, and it only says 1 am.

Fed up

ditziness Mon 12-Nov-12 03:40:07

Auto fucking correct made it say vegan. I don't remember what it used to say.

ditziness Mon 12-Nov-12 03:48:04

Oh and there's no fucking aibu. Sorry. Wrong forum or something. Or aibu to want to run away? Trying to buy a house, living out of suitcase in one room at PIL's for 3 months now. Don't drive, live rurally with no public transport. Trying to work part time 60 miles away. Trying to keep PIL's house impossibly tidy, so's not to stress them out. Father died this summer, same month we got made homeless. Husband commuting an hour each way a day. So tired. Fed up now . Rant rant. Crap pregnancy with spd, followed by anaemia from pph, followed by newborn meningitis and a week in hospital, followed by stress, house infested, father dying, homelessness, everything in storage, living out of suitcase for months now.. Shit year. At end of tether. Love my kids and husband so much , so happy despite it all, but so tired. Really had enough. :-(

ditziness Mon 12-Nov-12 03:53:13

Oh and husband thinks aibu being upset three year old won't nap, and I should just accept he doesn't sleep in the day anymore. He says I'm selfish. Wanting him to sleep for my benefit more than his.

And my FIL gets anxious and concerned because he thinks baby should be in a cot rather than in bed with us. And my MIL has been in her bed for the last week, so I've been trying to l

ihatemycat Mon 12-Nov-12 03:54:15

:-( don't know what to say but hope things start getting better for you soon

ditziness Mon 12-Nov-12 03:54:38

Look after her, and start weaning 6 month old baby too.

Rant rant rant

Husband gives me no sympathy. Says I should just get on with it. He works hard and long commute. So barely see him. :-(

ditziness Mon 12-Nov-12 03:57:20

Thank you. Just got to keep eyes fixed at light at end of tunnel. Put this cheap year to bed and in the new year hopefully we'll be in our new house.

ditziness Mon 12-Nov-12 04:03:18

Crap year, not cheap year!

Altho feel guilty saying this was a crap year when it's the year my dd was born. She's an amazing baby. If it wasn't for her and ds

Hyperballad Mon 12-Nov-12 04:07:34

Well Ditz, at least you know the only way is up from here!

You've had a terrible year, it sounds like you can still the light at the end of the tunnel despite you being at the end of your tether tonight. Which I think is admirable, I think you are doing a great job and it's mean of your husband to call you selfish.

I think perhaps you need to try and prioritise a nap for yourself during the day rather than tidying up!

discombobwotsit Mon 12-Nov-12 04:11:17

gosh, i can sympathise with the sleep issues but you have a lot more on your plate as well, must be very tough

I hope things improve for you soon. And no, you're not being unreasonable for wanting to run away, I would be tempted to join you!

KnockedUpMell Mon 12-Nov-12 04:11:26

Sorry you're having such s tough time. My ds is much younger 20m, and definitely still nerds his nap, but getting him to take it is such s pain. He throws a huge tantrum and dissolves into hysterics when I put him down, but if I don't he's grouchy and can't face the rest of the day. And I have a nb to deal with too.
Don't really have much to help, both of them are up several times in the night, just wanted you to have some support!

liveinazoo Mon 12-Nov-12 04:19:32

you are def not being unreasnable to want to run away
you have a lot going on right now
sometmes making a tweak in the routine helps pace the day.could you take the buggy out when he due a nap and see manages half an hour in the buggy<just enough to tide you through but still get to bad at a reasonable hour>

if this isnt possible its just a case of hanging in there.always someone on here if its all getting too much and you need to vent

"its just a phase that will pass" ive seen on here somewhere before and is tha answer to most parenting issues if you can jst hold it together

big hug<sending sleepy dust and good vibes your way>

disparatefishwife Mon 12-Nov-12 04:54:02

Hey I don't have much w say @ this time of night, just wanted to sympathise I've been where you are wrt sleep deprivation, in fact I'm still there now and developed insomnia I have pnd which wasn't helped by spd during and after both pregnancies. I guess you are breastfeeding or your baby is very young? I shouldn't be online tonight as er stimulates me but I have finished breastfeeding now and have started using Valerian to help me to sleep, also hot milk and honey and exercise when I can be arsed.
I know how hard it is to find motivation to do anything during the day when you're dog tired but maybe just taking them for a long aimless walk will fill the time and give you all fresh air? Sometimes the days are so bleddy long when you have a toddler and a baby, it must be hideous living with pils too...
Sending you unmnetty hugs and buckets of empathy.

disparatefishwife Mon 12-Nov-12 04:57:31

Oh btw my eldest is nearly three and to my horror she has pretty much given up daytime naps, it sucks when she's so tired she can't function lie A human, it's like something. Has broken in her mechanism I try and get her to lie down with me for a story just to calm her down, if I try to put her to bed she just gets even more manic and

disparatefishwife Mon 12-Nov-12 05:00:54

Sorry pressed send by mistake. Anyway she gets more manic then burns out just at the time she needs to be waking up and is even more distressed if I have to wake her for meals. I really miss her having naps it was when I could catch up on sleep or chores with a bit of quiet but I keep telling myself they aren't little for long and i'll miss them as babies/toddlers as they get older.

Fairylea Mon 12-Nov-12 06:20:08

Poor you sad sounds very stressful.

What time does your toddler go to bed? Would it be an option to have an earlier bedtime (even if it's 5.30ish) as opposed to struggling to create a daytime nap?

Both my dc have never been daytime sleepers. My dd now aged 9 years never slept in the day after a year (!) And my ds who is 5 months old now only has two 20 min naps between 6am and 5.30pm... he does sleep through though. However I've found that if he doesn't go to bed between 5 and 5.30 he becomes incredibly cranky and overtired and won't settle - whereas normally he will have his bottle and be so tired he goes straight to sleep.

Does your older one go to nursery? Might give you a break and keep the toddler very busy so they sleep better !

Mosschopz Mon 12-Nov-12 06:50:28

Sorry it's so hard for you. I've been there with one, Christ knows what it must be like with two! I won't suggest any solutions as I remember finding that really irritating when I was in your boat and knew it wouldnt work/couldn't think it through anyway...so it's just sympathy, but lots of it - it's a really tough gig.

ditziness Mon 12-Nov-12 06:51:42

Nursery days are actually the worst because he falls asleep on the commute back, so has an hour and a half at half five, then is a horrible grumpy mess when he gets back. If we put him straight to bed, he's up in the night and awake at 5am.

Thanks for all the sympathy. Think I just need a rant. Just feel like I'm continually being resilient and coping really well. But actually I'd just like someone to say "wow, you're coping with loads on not much sleep". Are you ok?" And I'd quite like it to be my husband. Toddler woke up at 530 this morning. Husband got up with him for half an hour, and then brought him into me at 6 so he could go to work. And asked me " what's wrong?" Seemingly genuinely surprised.

lovebunny Mon 12-Nov-12 07:03:38

pack picnic. take books toys and both babies and go to bed. regularly. day or night.

lovebunny Mon 12-Nov-12 07:04:00

you're doing amazingly well, by the way.

Mummydoctor Mon 12-Nov-12 07:11:38

Oh you poor love! You ARE dealing with so much right now, aside from the lack of sleep. If it helps, my DS1 was just 2 when DS2 was born. We had major (it seemed it at the time) sleep issues around 6 weeks later - refusing to nap, overtired at bedtime and not staying in bed at night.
One night he was up and down like a yoyo for nearly 5 hours whilst DS2 slept peacefully, until he then woke up and took over from his brother.

Do you think your DS is ready to drop his nap? Would you be able to have some really quiet cuddly time reading a book, watching a kids DVD or even CBeebies? I used to sneak in a quick snooze on sofa whilst DS was chilling out. If he did nap, you could wake him after 30 mins to help bedtimes. I found moving bedtime forward helped when no nap.

Could your husband give you a lie in at weekends? He doesn't seem very understanding. Sorry if you said already, but have you told him how broken you feel? Are PILs able to help out a bit in the day or are they out?

Do remember though a new year will be here soon and it WILL get better.

forevergreek Mon 12-Nov-12 07:11:45

Can you all get in bed together after lunch for a nap? Will toddler nap with you? Just explain its nap time and everyone even you are sleepy. If they can see that you are dozing next to them thy might too. I know what you mean as nearly 3 year old here can't get through the day without a nap either

Softlysoftly Mon 12-Nov-12 07:14:29

You are doing a good job, I have a just 3 yr old and a 6monyh old who hates sleep, plus the 3 yr old doesn't nap, towards the end of the day she's stroppy and crying but with a nap she refuses bed. It's bloody hard and I'm not sharing a house or dealing with half your crap.

The only suggestion I can give is when you are at home drop the nap, at late afternoon sit 3 year old down with non choke able food that he likes (if it's sweets just think its only short term , some things must slide!) and a film on tv, make it exciting like a mini cinema. Then put baby down asleep or bouncer at your feet and you doze! It might not be a proper sleep but it always boosts me a little.

On nursery days path of least resistance would be if he sleeps in the car join him for half an hour in a layby somewhere and then put him to bed later rather than wasting time fighting the inevitable. Let him spend the extra hour or so up painting/watching tv/ play dough something independent so you can still kick back a bit.

Path of least resistance is your friend! Otherwise you will not only be tired but angry as well. This stage will pass and you can "fix" any bad habits later.

If you ever want to rant feel free to pm me ill quite happily weep together!

Oh and sit down tell your DH to stfu and just listen to how you feel, tell him specifically you do not want him to fix it, tell you what to do etc just listen and sympathise! I did this to DH the other day and it helps inordinately.

fryingpantoface Mon 12-Nov-12 09:03:44

I'm so sorry it's so rubbish now. It will get better, it just doesn't feel like it at the moment.

I second softly's post. Don't worry about constantly playing etc, bang the tv on and take a nap.

Do your in laws know you are struggling? I know this will be different, but when I had pnd my in laws didn't offer to help because they knew i'd perceive it as a criticism of my parenting, when it really wasn't. They waited to be asked. Could you ask them for help?

ditziness Mon 12-Nov-12 09:11:38

Aw thank you. Silly that someone on Internet just saying " you're doing really well" can make me cry and help so much. I shall digest your advice and try it out, thank you.

As for DH, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that he doesn't have to fix it. I think he gets angry or annoyed at me because he thinks he should be able to fix it. I actually just want him to acknowledge that things are difficult and I'm doing well.

It's like the whole living with his parents thing. In general they are lovely, and so kind to have us here and they are coping really well with having people in their space. I know this and I love then for it. But that doesn't stop things being difficult sometimes. But if I moan about anything to DH he gets posed off with me and tells me I'm being silly, too sensitive, not grateful etc.

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