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Do I need a serious Kick up the Ass or

(3 Posts)
PuzzledDotCom Sun 11-Nov-12 22:24:02


Ok may be long we will see.

My sis only sibling have a very long tenuous relationship. Best Friends, Worst Enemies

Just abit of background. may sound one sided - may not depending on your perspective

Many Many years we have spent hating each other & loving each other.

I have a beautiful niece who is 18 at xmas.

Apart from my dear late husband she is literally the only person alive who evokes such hurt in me.

Just to try and add abit of background.

On our honeymoon we got a call of my DS, her partner had been remanded in custody for deportation from this country. (Assylum Seeker). Neither my DSis or DN where allowed to see him. That was it he was gone. She was told.

To say DH was pissed off was an understatement as the remainder of our honeymoon, I spent on the phone to houses of parliment & various MP's to try and get something sorted.

Resulted in getting them in to say Goodbye for now.

The subsequent 4 months where then spent getting keeping her occupied and various visa's sorted / raising funds so she could go to his country marry him and bring him home.

Her new hubby comes home, this is after at least 1 or 2 mind blowing arguments between us.

All is good happy times me happily married & my sis.

3 Years and my husband dies very suddenly.

On the evening of that horrible day. I have a very vivid memory of her husband putting his arms round me and telling me to be strong I had to be for our son, who was 5 at the time.

And then Nothing, No offer of a school run ( Schools on same street)

No offers of childminding, to walk the dog, not even a saturday night bottle of wine, dvd, bar of chocolate for the kids.

To say I felt hurt was an understatement. The only way I could deal with all the hurt was to cut her out literally. I felt so let down. That in terms of support I got nothing from her at all.

A few years later I was at a local club, and she was there. I was so overwhelmed I literally fell into her arms. I had missed her so much and I knew my son missed her. I knew my neice missed me.

We had been such a good happy, fun loving bunch that when my hub died everything dropped out of the bottom.

When we decided to be friends again, I couldnt talk to her / tell her exactly why I had and still did hurt so much. I didnt want to drag them old horrible feelings up. Though I did kind of sum up, she apologised blamed it on her hub, who by this time had left her.

At this point she had a new fella, all was ok. I was never really introduced to him ( maybe I am a loud wine swigging, fag in hand kind of gal) But in my defence I have NEVER pretented to be other than what i am.

In between all this my mum is torn between us both.

For the next 18 months or so we had lots of good times between us 4. Me, my ds, dn & dsis & mum. Holidays, days out evenings family meals etc. She had not many friends she came into my circle of friends. Made her own freinds from some of them. We had a good time.

Then contact starts to dwindle again. again the strained relationship starts.
very erratic to say the least. Her important news was coming to me via Fbook. She had another new fella.

18 mths ago via facebook I find she is moving to the other end of the country.

She called to say so, so I asked her for tea that sunday so we could chat.

We spent a pleasant couple of hours, til we talked about my dad's side of the family

(my dad died 12 mths after my hub. A whole other story between us) basically at the cem just after he was buried, I was waiting for my mum to come bring a flower for my dad and check she was ok (long time divorced) I hurried to the front to get in the car and they had drove off without me My sis hadnt asked them to wait. I kind of ended up stranded, as I didnt know where the wake was.
Just to add to this I had grown up only on the fringes of my dad's life. So that is why I didnt know where the wake was. I managed to find out where it was by contacting local undertakers - how feckin embarassin

On this afternoon she told me my dad had told her he didnt like me - I reminded him to much of my mum. Nice. Obviously couldnt ask him about this as he is feckin dead.

Cant post any more at the moment as I cant gather my thoughts - will post more tomoz.

This bloody post is long enough already.

squeakytoy Sun 11-Nov-12 22:30:30

I think you should get this moved into relationships tbh..

BattlingFanjos Sun 11-Nov-12 23:39:10

I agree with Squeaky. I think you'll get much better advice in Relationships. Hope everything turns good for you, sounds very, very tiring and hardwork. Xxx

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