Talk

Advanced search

WWYD - teenagers and footballs in the garden

(50 Posts)
brdgrl Sun 11-Nov-12 22:09:10

DSS is 15.

He enjoys playing football. He also enjoys kicking the football against the side of the house, as practice. He started being interested (played when he ws younger but has a renewed interest now) this past summer, and was kicking the ball loudly against the front door, the wall under toddler DD's window when she was sleeping, and around my beloved rosebush. I got fed up when he knocked a slate off the porch steps, and finally told him and (mostly) DH off about it. Since then he mostly plays in the back garden.

About a week after my telling off, DH was painting some shelves in the back garden; DSS hit a can of paint thinner with the football and it went all over DH's face and clothes. Luckily, he wasn't blinded! His clothes were ruined and he (DH!) had a lot of clean-up to do.

About a month ago, I was having lunch with DD(2), and he was in the garden kicking the ball around. It hit the kitchen window (opposite me and beside DD) with considerable force, but it did not break. I was angry, and let DH know it. When DH spoke to DSS about it, DSS denied having hit the window, and DH took his word for it. Then I pointed out to DH the perfect 'muddy football' impression smack in the middle of the window. DSS continues to deny that he ever hit the window, and (in a rather ugly row) insisted that he is too talented and has too much control over the ball to accidentally hit a window.

Today, he was outside again, playing ball. When he came in, he told DH (I'm not sure if he volunteered this info, or if DH asked) that he had been careful not to hit any windows. However, when I went to do the laundry, there it was - another football impression, on the window of the utility room this time. DH spoke to him - he said he meant that he'd been careful not to hit the kitchen window. DH told him to clean the mark off the window. He griped about that - he was going to be late to meet his friends, the rain would wash it off anyway (it doesn't).

So. It is my position that ball privileges should be revoked. A small child kicking a ball against a house might be one thing, but a 6' tall, strong, teenager kicking it with force is another. We rent the house, and the various chips, loose slates, etc, are not improving the look of the place, and I feel we are not taking proper care of the property. No windows have broken yet, it is true, but if one did - as when I was eating lunch right in front of it with DD - someone could be hurt. DH could already have been seriously injured through DSS's carelessness with the ball. And DSS has lied - repeatedly - about hitting the windows. These are also only the incidents we know about. Just getting him to clean up the windows every time he hits one and it leaves evidence is not good enough, in my opinion.

We do live near both playing fields and park lands, so it would be possible for DSS to practice his ball skills nearby.

I wonder if other parents would let their son carry on, or would have put an end to it long ago. I've told DH I am going to ask on here.

Narked Sun 11-Nov-12 22:12:01

Poor sod sounds bored. Has he got no-one to go kick a ball around with?

OpheliaPayneAgain Sun 11-Nov-12 22:12:36

I think you should take him to a football club.... ball/wall kicking is a mark of boredom... perhaps his Dad could spend some time with him over the park?

Sounds like he's bored out of his box TBH.

Socialassassin Sun 11-Nov-12 22:12:41

Accidentally puncture the ball and let that be an end to it. Ridiculous behaviour.

Funnylittleturkishdelight Sun 11-Nov-12 22:13:22

Ridiculous situation- your DH is being treated like a mug, and you're being ignored.

Ban the ball, tell him to join a football team!!

Loshad Sun 11-Nov-12 22:15:45

poor lad, buy him a rebound net he can kick his ball against

MammaTJ Sun 11-Nov-12 22:18:07

Not to minimise what has happened, but at least for you it is a family member. I have neighbours who play in the street, even though there is a park in sight, and continually bang a ball against my house. It terrifies my children and annoys me but there is nothing I can do about it. I have been advised by the police that I cannot even legally keep the balls.

Ban the ball!!

OpheliaPayneAgain Sun 11-Nov-12 22:18:29

I feel sorry for the kid, in the garden, banging a ball round whilst step-mum and half sibling lunch (where is Dad??) Normal people eat meals together. He sounds ignored and pushed out TBH.

cantspel Sun 11-Nov-12 22:21:29

I have a footie mad son but football is not played in my garden. Send him to the park as 1. there will be others for him to play with and 2. sooner or later he will do an expensive bit of damages

BTW even if he is not breaking the glass in the window a ball hitting it at force will ruin the seals in the double glazing.

tiggytape Sun 11-Nov-12 22:22:45

I wouldn't let him kick the ball against the house - actually I wouldn't let a toddler do that either - but it isn't fair to ban him playing if he enjoys it.
Is there a club he can join or a local team for his age?
Can't his Dad take him over the park for a few hours?
And why does DH keep getting told off by you and having to do the telling off to DSS? Can you not speak to DSS directly to see what he thinks is the best solution?

nokidshere Sun 11-Nov-12 22:24:13

I stopped my teens playing ball in the street or garden as they got bigger and stronger, about 3 years ago.

But I agree that he sounds bored and lonely!

brdgrl Sun 11-Nov-12 22:28:35

Ophelia, we eat dinner together every single night. Sometimes we eat lunch together on the weekends, but like many families (of all varieties, I am sure), on the weekends we and the teenagers are often doing different things.

On the occasion in question, I think that he may have eaten his own lunch and then gone outside. (Perhaps you will weigh in again when I post to ask if I can require my teenage DSCs to remain at the dinner table whilst their two year old sister dawdles over her food, or allow them to be excused.)

Or perhaps I should ask everyone else to wait to eat at the same time around DD's naps and activities, and my work, in order that I - the woman of the house - can prepare a home-cooked meal for able-bodied teens?

DH was around, but was cleaning up and didn't see what happened.

By the way, if you missed it - he is 15. He doesn't actually want to spend every moment with me and his dad.

I'd have gotten a different reply from you if I didn't say stepson, wouldn't I. ;)

brdgrl Sun 11-Nov-12 22:30:38

He has already joined a club, to which his dad provides transportation up to three times a week.

I bought him a football when he first got interested in playing again. We are also paying the fees for the club.

brdgrl Sun 11-Nov-12 22:33:54

And why does DH keep getting told off by you and having to do the telling off to DSS? Can you not speak to DSS directly to see what he thinks is the best solution?

I did speak to DSS about it when it first emerged as a problem in the summer. He didn't listen. He doesn't listen to DH either, which is why we can't reach a compromise with him. DSS thinks the best solution is that we stop worrying about it, as he doesn't believe there is a problem and as I have said, he denies that he hits the windows, etc.

tiggytape Sun 11-Nov-12 22:35:10

I don't think him being DSS not DS is a big thing except it seems to mean you don't communicate with DSS directly when you are unhappy and tell DH off instead who then has to question DSS who then denies it until you point out proof to DH and send DH back to question DSS who then admits it by which time everyone is a bit pissed off.

And a 15 year old mooching around slamming a ball against the house does sound like he is a bit bored and could do with some company whether he is a DS or a DSS. Ideally it would be a friend to play football with but failing that, his Dad taking him over the park would be the next best option.

Either way, YANBU to not want him playing football in the garden.

Hassled Sun 11-Nov-12 22:35:42

Is there room in the garden for one of those pop-up goal things you can get? I have similar problems with one of my DSs and his relentless lamming of balls against things outside - a goal has helped a lot.

MrsCantSayAnything Sun 11-Nov-12 22:35:53

I thought he was your DS at first...then I couldn't work out why you sounded col towards him and thought AH...she's not his Mum. And I was right. sad

A person who cared about him would be wondering why he's not out and about with some mates or in a field where he can kick freely.

Agree with others. Buy him a proper net or help him find somewhere btter to play.

tiggytape Sun 11-Nov-12 22:38:09

Xpost - if that is the case (he has football outlets at a club and you have already told him off directly but his attitude is to chill out and ignore the damage) then YANBU to just ban the ball at home.
Your original OP though made him sound quite hard done by and like you'd never mentioned it to him directly.
Your update shows of course YANBU to not want to just let him damage things and ignore it and he is BU to think this is a fair solution especially when he goes to a proper club regularly.

cantspel Sun 11-Nov-12 22:39:46

From years of experience a net wont help as there is nothing to return the ball. Thjey hit the ball against walls and fences as you get the bounce back.

Send him to the park so he can play with others.

brdgrl Sun 11-Nov-12 22:41:00

Mrs, you haven't a fucking clue, and you are well out of line.

GobTheGoblin Sun 11-Nov-12 22:42:26

I'd just bin the ball when no one is around. Problem solved.

brdgrl Sun 11-Nov-12 22:42:37

Cantspel, that is what I thought, that a net isn't any use because it isn't the solid surface he wants.

MrsCantSayAnything Sun 11-Nov-12 22:43:20

brdgrl you don't know anything about me or what I have a clue about. So keep your swearing for your own.

brdgrl Sun 11-Nov-12 22:46:49

We were happy when he took it up again. DH wants him playing football, I just want him getting some exercise and participating in activities instead of just xbox/gaming. So we are supportive of hm playing - as I said, I went out and bought him a nice new ball because he was playing with a crap one; DH is spending ten hours a week taking him to practice and games; and he is certainly not hard done by or deprived in any sense of the word. We eat meals together, we talk, we do things as a family.

squeakytoy Sun 11-Nov-12 22:47:01

I dont get the vitriol towards the OP. I dont see anything nasty or uncaring about her stepson in her posts. He shouldnt be hammering a football towards the windows.

Most teens dont sit down and eat lunch with a parent and toddler sibling either.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now