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AIBU?

to be totally distressed and out for blood...

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schoolshoeblues · 11/11/2012 20:38

Hi all,

So this could be long. I really need some advice.

I will try to keep this as short as possible: We (DH and 2 DCs) live abroad. DS(3) was attending an international school here until about 3.5 weeks ago. The school runs from 3 year olds to 12 year olds (basically preschool to primary). There had been some talk and concern about how the new headmaster, who started in Sept, and works mainly at a different campus had been spending a lot of time hanging around the kindergarten class that DS is in. It had been noticed how he always seemed to be holding one of the boys on his lap or in his arms. The mums who had been talking about this had agreed to keep an eye on things.

The group have swimming lessons once a week at a fitness centre next door to the school. One of the other mums in the class had gone along to help. The first thing that she noticed was that the headmaster insisted on being in the ladies changing rooms with the 3 teachers and 2 parents helping to change 6 children (my son being one of them). He was asked twice to leave, and twice he ignored the teachers requested, then insisted on changing my son. Whilst in the pool area he took DS1 swimming on his own (there is a childrens pool, and adult pool, and a turkish bath, which is like a deep hot tub). Then he took him swimming into the hot tub. Now, DS is a handful, more than most, I would say. He doesn't listen, or do as he is told. Whilst in the hot tub, he repeatedly turned on the bubbles despite being told not to. In response the headmaster grabbed him, and gave him a full body restraint, on his lap (in the hot tub) - apparently his idea of a time out. My friend came out of the pool and called me to come to the pool - she was very upset by what she had seen. I was in a meeting, so couldn't go right away.

As I was driving up, again she called me VERY upset. Back in the classroom he was reading to the children and DS wouldn't sit and listen, so again, full body restraint, on his lap, whilst he continued to read to the children. At this point my friend left with her son to call me (there was no other teacher present). By the time I had got there, the headmaster had left (very quick?), and I went off my head at the school coordinator.

I would like to say, that I think the headmaster is an idiot. I think he doesnt know how to discipline young children (he's always taught at secondary schools). He is British. We are in a developing, non English speaking country. I think that this sometimes can lead to blurred lines regarding how far you can go in discipline. What he did was completely inappropriate. In my opinion he assaulted my son. I would like to say it was more a physical and emotional assault, because I cant get my head around anything else.

The mother and I asked to meet with the headmaster. He refused to come, however the owner of the school and a member of the board of governors came along, as well as another parent, and a security officer from the embassy that they are affiliated to. The meeting was deeply distressing for me. (DH was also there). The headmaster agreed that he had acted inappropriately, but at the same time, we had to understand that the teacher was very upset at the implications of his behaviour. So much so, that he had phoned in sick. I ended up walking out of the meeting, I could hear Ds's name, lap, hot tub any more, and that afternoon, I notified the school that he would no longer be attending.

Since then I have heard NOTHING. The owner has twice contacted us to try to meet, but when we say, yes, anytime, he says I'll get back to you and then doesn't. The headmaster, after taking 2 weeks off, in distress, is now back at the school, in amongst the little ones, as if nothing has happened. He has not been disciplined (apparently...We wouldnt know if he had been), and we have had absolutely NO acknowledgement at ALL of the distress that this fucking idiot and the school have caused our family.

Now the lines are blurred because we are abroad, so we dont have the same routes of complaint that we would normally go down if we were in the UK. The school however has a few important accreditations that make it a professional academic institution - for example, it is a member of the Council of International Schools, as well as others. I want BLOOD. I want the school to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING, but they are quite blatantly not going to. We are moving to a new posting at the end of the year, and I cant help but feel that they are just waiting til we have gone. I have written to another prominent member of the board and let him know that I want:
an apology; the headmaster disciplined; a code of conduct to be put in place, and also a proper complaints procedure to be set in stone. I also let him know that even though we were leaving, I would not be letting it go.

If I don't get what I want then I plan to complain to the accreditation institutions, as well as reporting it to the British embassy here, as well as a few other things. What would you do? I know I am right to be angry. I guess I just needed to vent, and also to get some of the very sensible advice that I often see on here. I cant tell you how distraught I am about this situation. DH is less so, and doesn't really want to cause a fuss - but backs me to the hilt...

Any advice? Thoughts?
Thanks
ssblue...

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schoolshoeblues · 11/11/2012 20:41

Sorry that was meant to read "The owner of the school admitted that the headmaster had acted inappropriately"

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