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I Really do want to throttle my ex m-in-law

(51 Posts)
mof3under3 Sun 11-Nov-12 20:33:38

4 weeks ago my 3 sons & me went to a farm & ended up bringing home 3 beautiful kittens (went 4 1, but all 3 picked different ones & who did i say no to?!) Anyway due to half term MiL has had 1 son for 2 days each at hers so she hasnt been to mine she covers every alternate sat, she rings & tells me last thur night "she can no longer come to mine as she is allergic to cats (dogs shes fine with)but if it helps can have 1 son on sat at hers" i wanted to say what do u want me to do with other 2, let kittens mind them!! I offered to put them in outside shed for day shes here but NO they must go. Ive spent the last 4 weeks teaching my boys how to care & love & play with them, which they now do & not only do i feel its an important lesson its rewarding them & they are more compasionate for it. Ive told my boys they have to go & now they hate mummy & theres tears. Im so angry im being held to ransome & i really am going to burst

OnlyWantsOne Sun 11-Nov-12 20:36:17

Why is your ex mil looking after your children?

Why are you letting her dictate to you?

Why did you tell your DCs tonight instead of waitig till you knew for sure what would happen

OpheliaPayneAgain Sun 11-Nov-12 20:36:42

One cat or three, the 'allergy' would still be there.

Get alternative childcare.

She is your ex-MIL you shouldnt be paying any much attention to what she says.

OHforDUCKScake Sun 11-Nov-12 20:39:43

She cant help what she is allergic to, jeez.

I cant go to my best friends house because my son is allergic to cats, it happens.

YourHandInMyHand Sun 11-Nov-12 20:42:44

Why is MIL coming to your house every other Saturday? Will you be at work?

Who had your other 2 ds while she only had one during half term?

It is possible to be allergic to cats and not dogs. Or it may be that she is feeling she can't manage all 3 any more like she used to?

OHforDUCKScake Sun 11-Nov-12 20:44:24


What are 'allergies' not real now?!

mof3under3 Sun 11-Nov-12 20:44:53

lets not go in to her son, my Ex Hubby who ripped me off for every penny i ever earned & left me with 3 sons that he doesnt see or pay for, So i work ALOT i have a nursery but they dont do weekends i have to work alternate sat. so Mil has boys at mine as hers is too small. Thats y im angry i dont do being dictated to but i do need to work! My horrible brother has offered to drown them so im desperatly looking for homes before this sat i have 1 or 2 hopefulls they wanted to visit to see kittens so had to tell boys y ? I hate being the baddy!

OHforDUCKScake Sun 11-Nov-12 20:46:00

Its very possible to be allergic to cats. Itchy swollen eyes, coughing, sneezing, wheezing. Some people are hugely allergic to their saliva.

HansieMom Sun 11-Nov-12 20:49:26

Can't they go to hers even if it is small? It is just a day.

mof3under3 Sun 11-Nov-12 20:49:42


WelshMaenad Sun 11-Nov-12 20:49:44

She's been doing you a massive favour by providing all this free childcare and you want to throttle her because she has an allergy? FFS, how entitled are you?

My sister is allergic to cats but not dogs, she ends up with streaming eyes when she comes to mine.

The polite thing would have been to let your MIL know you were getting kittens, seeing as she is at your house one day in seven and would have ended up being responsible for them too.

ordinaryprincess Sun 11-Nov-12 20:49:59


Why are you angry? Surely you realise you MIL cannot come to your house if cats live there and she has an allergy? It wouldn't help for the cats to be shut away - she'd still sneeze and splutter. It would be hellish for her. Also, if your MIL comes to stay so regularly, it would have been courteous to check she'd be ok to mind 3 kittens as well as 3 kids. Very hard work. And very immature to bring home 3 kittens at the drop of a hat. Going to choose a kitten as a family is a special experience!

I think you should sit your kids down and apologise to them for making a mistake and not thinking to check if their granny was ok with cats. It can't be helped.

mof3under3 Sun 11-Nov-12 20:50:51

that would be a no

ordinaryprincess Sun 11-Nov-12 20:51:38

And what has your ex hubby to do with an allergy...?

Olympicrock Sun 11-Nov-12 20:52:22

Why can't she take anti histamines? That's what I do when i visit my sister as I am very allergic.

Cabrinha Sun 11-Nov-12 20:53:42

Your 3 children all under 3 have learned compassion from looking after 3 kittens for a month? OK.

It's hardly your XMIL's fault she's allergic to the cats. And dumping them in a shed for a day is hardly a solution - unfair to the cats, and may not even help - sometimes it's the skin not the hair, and there'll be flakes in your house.

How about you acknowledge this had made your XMIL ill and that she does a lot for you - and see if she'll take boys at her house instead now?

mof3under3 Sun 11-Nov-12 20:54:37

not free, & i seriously didnt know there was a cat allergy, yes i knew about pet! well we are all made different for a reason i suppose

Cabrinha Sun 11-Nov-12 20:56:19

Oh, and if you wanted 3 kittens then fair enough - but really, did you only get them because you couldn't say no?

If you weren't paying food and vaccinations and worming tablets and litter and insurance bills on all 3, you could afford not to work the 2 Saturdays a month ;0)

RubyGates Sun 11-Nov-12 20:56:40

My son and his girlfriend can't visit our house as she is highly allergic to rabbits. Our house rabbit is of the extra-fluffy variety and no amount of scrubbing, hoovering and brushing would be enough (nor have we anywhere for him to stay if they were to visit.

The rabbit was part of our family before DS1's GF and there is no rancour involved. We meet-up elsewhere when the come up to London and they are happy to stay with their own (rabbitless friends)

Why didn't you check with ex-MIL before filling your home with something she is allergic to?
What a horrible situation.

maddening Sun 11-Nov-12 20:57:38

I am allergic to lots - more to dogs than cats - so I could go to a cat owners home and mighty just need some antihistamine. But a dog would likely bring on an asthma attack - and taking the dog out the house would do sweet FA as the hair and skin cells are all over the house.

For future visits maybe ask mil to try antihistamines?

Fwiw I would not get rid of the cats - but it may mean that all visits with mil are at her home.

Ps my mum got a cat when I went to uni - I would not ask her to get rid of it.

RubyGates Sun 11-Nov-12 20:58:51

"Him" at the end of the first paragraph is the rabbit, not DS1 smile

OpheliaPayneAgain Sun 11-Nov-12 21:00:22


Ex-MIL can have one boy at hers on a Saturday, but can't sit at your house with all 3 due to a cat allergy?

So take all 3 children to her house instead not fucking rocket science is it

Is she always this troublesome?

DontmindifIdo Sun 11-Nov-12 21:02:06

DH couldn't manage a whole day in a house that has a cat even if it's outside without having to use his inhaler a lot.

Unless there's someone else you can use for childcare, you've got to accept she can only do it in a house without cats. Are you prepared to pay for childcare? You could ask your DS's nursery workers if anyone does weekend childcare, but obviously you'll have to pay for that. (DS's nursery workers charge £8 an hour)

PramFaceBuggyBrain Sun 11-Nov-12 21:04:33

Of course you could have said no to them for wanting a kitten each. You SHOULD have done.

Give the poor kittens to The Blue Cross or similar.

Put them in a shed all day? Jeez. Give them to a good rescue centre, so they can have a chance in life.

BadgersBottom Sun 11-Nov-12 21:04:54

Seriously? You going to stand by and allow the drowning of three kittens because you didn't properly think through the getting of them?

Words. Fail. Me.

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