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To be losing time for pregnant friend...

(9 Posts)
Tallylo Sun 11-Nov-12 19:51:36

Ok, I probably am so it's better I vent on here than to anyone we know...

We both had our first dc's within 3 days of each other, now we are expecting and this time EDD's are only a week apart. We see each other a lot and our dc's get on and we do offload on each other. I'm finding her attitude to this pregnancy wearing though.

It's a planned much wanted baby but she really isn't taking care of herself. We entered the pregnancy far over a healthy weight, and with the attitude she doesn't care. Now she is pregnant her diet is ridiculous, my own is far from perfect but hers must be in the top 0.1% of unhealthy. She had her last dc early due to high bp and this one looks like it's complicated. Also it looks like she may have GD, although the three blood tests haven't confirmed it. Sugar in the urine may be due to her diet she reckoned. I thought she was joking and laughed when she told me she'd had a twirl, coke and a twix (and whatever breakfast was) before a 10am appointment-she got uppity with me as she wasn't.

It's getting to me on two levels,
1- She's on the phone at least once a day to tell me of joint problems, sugar in urine, high bp etc. All of which she could manage better with a better diet. I get frustrated she won't help herself. It's very much the attitude of I can eat what I want/ I have a right to/ skinny people look ill... I waste some nights away listening
2-She'd be devastated if anything happened to her baby, I'm scared for her and care about her and find it emotionally draining. It's hard to see someone I care about potentially hurting herself or her family.

I try to help, even to the point of inviting her round a lot for lunch and offering different (very simple) meals I'll do. She turns her nose up like I offer poo, it's not rabbit food at all. Just proper meals rather than snacks. I tried to gently ask her if she wanted to change her diet (we didn't speak for a week after).

I'm at the point of finding it stressful and picking up the phone less, which makes me feel like a cow. I've got my own worries though and can't always be leant on. I don't want to loose a friend though, otherwise we get on great. I feel like a cow because if I'm honest I'd be more supportive if I didn't feel it was a little self-inflicted. I don't know the root of why she does it, she seems very confident, happy and has it all, but obviously this might not be the case.

StrawberrytallCAKE Sun 11-Nov-12 19:54:36

You need to tell her exactly how you feel, she is your friend and should be able to take it especially as it's the truth!

Tweasels Sun 11-Nov-12 20:02:07

If she wasn't leaning on you/ringing you complaining I'd probably say just to try and ignore her but as she is I think you'll have to say something.

Sounds harsh but along the lines of "I think these problems you're having are as a result of your diet. Do you want me to help and support you or are you happy going along as you are. If you are that is fine, I respect that but please stop ringing and asking for advice as there is nothing I can do or say other than support you to eat healthier".

Easier said than done though, I know.

CrapBag Sun 11-Nov-12 20:07:32

I would usually have said just leave her to it, its her problem but as she is phoning you and going on about her health problems which are due to her poor diet, a simple "you should eat healthier then" would be a good answer. I don't see why you should listen to her whitter on when it is of her own doing.

If she gets the hump, tough shit. Its because you are speaking the truth and she knows it.

What a load of shite as well about skinny people (not including people who have ED who do look ill). Sounds like she is trying to justify eating like a pig.

Tallylo Sun 11-Nov-12 20:09:31

strawberry-she's one to cut her nose off to spite her face, I bet she'd not talk to me for a LONG time

tweasels-I'd ignore probably if it wasn't always in my face. Even going on facebook there is a bi-weekly update from her or dh about problems.

It's not proven the problems are totally caused by her diet, but I do think she could manage them with it. It's not helped coming from me I know, I'm blessed with the kind of figure that sits at size 8-10 with slight over-eating so I look like a sanctimonious cow, even though I don't think it's a weight issue at all, but a health issue.

What I'm worried about is bottling it all up then snapping one day when I'm tired and being out of order.

Tallylo Sun 11-Nov-12 20:12:31

crapbag, she mocks me quite a bit because not pregnant I have a bmi of around 18 which is far off her ideal. I don't comment really as it doesn't bother me really and I know I'm lucky to not have to battle with weight purely out of luck. It just shows her view of what is healthy I guess.

Kethryveris Sun 11-Nov-12 20:27:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrapBag Sun 11-Nov-12 20:41:48

She doesn't sound like much of a friend if she mocks you for your weight regardless of you not being fat.

I was a size 8 at school and stick thin. I got teased mercilesly and hated my weight. I desperately wanted to put it on but couldn't. Teasing someone because they are thin is as unacceptable as teasing someone because they are fat.

It sounds like she is jealous and trying to make herself feel better about being a greedy pig because she knows she is and is pretending that she is better being fat because "skinny is ill"

If she does get the hump and stops speaking to you for a while, would that be such a bad thing?

When she comments on your weight, a polite but icy "and why do you think it is ok to say that to me" should shut her up. If it doesn't then I would be inclined to give her a taste of her own medicine and see how she bloody likes it. I have no time for people who bleat on about their problems when there is something that they could so about it.

quietbatperson Sun 11-Nov-12 20:45:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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