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to tell DD she wears the coat she chose or she buys her own?

(207 Posts)
ThatVikRinA22 Sun 11-Nov-12 13:32:54

DD is 15 and in the throes of teenagedom.....she is normally very placid and well behaved, not normally a prima donna.


She chose a coat on ebay, not expensive, only about £20, from China. We duly ordered it, paid for it, and yesterday it arrived. It is identical to the ebay picture. its lovely. She was not restricted to a budget, and she chose this coat out of every other on the internet.

She has seen it, thrown a hissy fit, says she hates it, wont wear it.
DH was the only one in when it arrived as i was at work, and he did not argue with her, but simply told her that if she wanted another one, she would have to pay for it out of her pocket money (she gets £35 per month cash and we pay for her mobile phone on top of that)

Today she has told me she "needs a coat"

WIBU to tell she has a coat, which she chose, and we paid for, and its up to her if she does not wear it and stick to what DH has said and tell her if she wants another she must pay for it herself?

She is upstairs crying at the moment saying its winter and she needs a coat and what is she meant to do in the snow etc etc etc

Now i know the Ebay coat was not expensive, but to send it back to china will cost as much as buying the flaming coat.....

its too small for me or i would keep it and wear it. i like it. sadly a chinese "large" is a size 8 - 10....which i am not!

help me decide MN jury....(i feel a bit of a meanie.)

valiumredhead Sun 11-Nov-12 13:50:10

What are her reasons for not liking it?

Tinuviel Sun 11-Nov-12 13:52:06

YANBU! DS1 is 15; gets £40 a month and has to buy all clothes except shoes out of it. He would also agree with me!! If she doesn't like it, she can sell it and buy herself another one!

SecretSquirrels Sun 11-Nov-12 13:53:08

You have a 15 year old DD who will wear a coat ? shock.

SecretSquirrels Sun 11-Nov-12 13:55:21

I predict you will give in in the end because she will go out in the snow in a t shirt rather than wear that coat and you won't be able to let her smile

DontmindifIdo Sun 11-Nov-12 13:55:29

ok, then if you agree it's a bit big, you could offer to buy her a new coat if she arranges and pays to return the coat to China. (But check your DH is happy with this first, you don't want to be undermining him, perhaps he can make this offer so it's not you saying 'yes' when he's already said 'no').

Then say you'll have to go to H&M and try that coat on no more ordering online so you've got agreement it's what she wants before you hand over any cash.

t0lk13n Sun 11-Nov-12 13:56:22

I am shocked that, as a teenager, she actually wants a coat!!!! Most of the teenagers I teach will not wear a coat. None of my two boys will! grin
You are not being unreasonable...she either wears the ebay one, buys her own or goes cold!

ivykaty44 Sun 11-Nov-12 13:56:28

what is she meant to do in the snow etc etc etc

what snow - where is the snow, how come you got snow and we didn't wink

Drama queen, she is looking for a reason to make you buy her another good coat - don't engage in an argument.

She has a coat, she can wear it if she wants, she can walk around cold if she wants, she can cry if she wants as she made the wrong choice on buying a coat, or she can buy another coat.

Don't engage, let her cry scream shout tantrum and just ignore, don't get drawn into a conversation about it.

oldraver Sun 11-Nov-12 13:57:53

£20 for a parka coat ? off to Ebay to have a look

valiumredhead Sun 11-Nov-12 13:58:23

I'm having flash backs to the days when my mum forced me to wear clothes I hated!

therewearethen Sun 11-Nov-12 13:59:17

lol secretquirrels i was thinking the same! I still hate wearing a coat now but can't stand the cold nipples and people seeing them

I'd say tough, wear it or freeze but I'm a bitch! lol

marriedinwhite Sun 11-Nov-12 14:02:03

oldraver dont' go on Ebay, pm the OP and do a deal. win win.

notso Sun 11-Nov-12 14:02:35

I think YABU to order a coat from china if you are not prepared to send it back, what if it wasn't identical to the picture for example.

However, as a mother of a teenage daughter I sympathise with the whole senario and think your DD is also BU. DD did similar with a Tesco coat, she vowed to wear it for infinity but only wore it twice with a 'face on', thankfully it sold for double the price on Ebay.

I would speak to DH first and come to some sort of compromise, involving DD contributing towards a new coat or to the cost of sending the other one back.

Ghoulelocks Sun 11-Nov-12 14:05:22

Why not help her try and sell it on ebay, write a good write up together and take pictures with her that are decent. Then she can put the money towards another. It's what I might do in that situation, if she doesn't raise much it's a learning curve but hopefully she gets most of it back. It's not getting worn anyway from the sound of it.

Limelight Sun 11-Nov-12 14:05:49

Definitely being a bit of a drama queen I'm afraid. I don't think you're BU at all.

You could I suppose buy her a coat on the understanding that she deals with the unwanted one. So she can either return it but she'll need to cover the cost of the postage etc from her pocket money. Or she can sell it on, but any money she makes will need to come straight back to you to go towards the cost of her new coat.

Plus a 'you're being a massive drama queen' conversation.

Teabagtights Sun 11-Nov-12 14:06:28

The seller does not have to accept a return. They are not under the dictates of the distance selling regulations. I'd never buy a coat for a child without them trying it on.

Bah humbug to the meanie who gives their child less than the family allowance for clothes a month. Did you not know you support I.e feed and clothe your kids until they are adults that's 18 in my book or until they finish uni.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 11-Nov-12 14:07:16

its this one

just got her to try it again. its a size 8 - 10, its slightly oversized but its not actually too big...

she says its too long confused

5ft 7

she wants

the ebay one is really nice - not at all cheap looking, its fluffy, well padded....lovely.

bloody teenagers.

Mousefunk Sun 11-Nov-12 14:08:18

Oh I don't envy her.. 15 was an awful age.

Lesson to all of you really A) not to buy from abroad where possible and B) not to buy clothes online because returning them costs you and isn't as easy as walking into a shop and instantly getting a refund+ you also can't try stuff on which is super important imo.

I don't think yabu, agree with others to put it back on ebay and tell her to GO SHOPPING with her pocket money to get another OR get her one as an early Christmas present.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 11-Nov-12 14:08:22

btw- she gets £35 plus a blackberry phone.

i buy all her clothes. im not a meanie confused

ihearsounds Sun 11-Nov-12 14:10:28

The difference between the ebay one and the h&m one is the label. She was possibly niavely expecting the ebay one to have the h&m label on it. Had similar with dd1, who was told tough, it fits, you chose it, so either wear it or go to h&m and buy that one out of your own money. She went out in a strop, came home later and wore the ebay one after calming down, and realising that she would have no money lol..
Its not about making her wear something that she doesnt like, because she does. Just its the wrong brand for her. She could have had any coat, she made her choice.

apostropheuse Sun 11-Nov-12 14:10:41

YANBU. Tell her to wear a thick sweater underneath if it's too big After all she needs it for the blizzard conditions at the moment. grin

...and I won't mention that I once bought a couch and chairs for my living room and hated it from the day it was delivered, so much so that I kept it for a year before giving it to my mother. (And I had seen it in the shop)

WofflingOn Sun 11-Nov-12 14:12:18

You know what, Vic?
I bet all is going reasonably well with your DS right now, because in my house they seem to take turns with being difficult, annoying PITAs. grin
So, it's a bit big. When those cold Northern winters close in, she'll probably want a jumper under it anyway.
I've ordered stuff off the net and thought 'bum' when it turned up not according to my image of it, and I've either sent it back or compromised and worn it, depending on how horrible it was in my eyes. You could give her a tenner or so towards the cost of the coat she now wants, make her wear what she has, get her the coat as an early Christmas much of a stresser is it?

LFCisTarkaDahl Sun 11-Nov-12 14:12:21

Ok, would you have spent £60 on a coat in the first place?

Because that's the extra cost of buying the Hennes one.

If you would I would sigh a lot, extort a few chores and then buy it.

If not, then feel free to stick to your guns as she's being daft.

MoonlightandRoses Sun 11-Nov-12 14:13:24

If it's just length that's an issue then she can get it taken-up with or without the tail point.

That would change the style slightly, but would also make it more like the H&M one. - Shouldn't cost too much either, so pocket-money would hopefully cover it.

WofflingOn Sun 11-Nov-12 14:14:24

Her Chinese one is long enough to keep her pretty little derriere warm when sitting on cold seats waiting for the bus too.

procrastinor Sun 11-Nov-12 14:14:43

Oh no YANBU. Tbh i'd probably laugh if she starts complaining of the snow - neither coat is going to keep her toasty warm in snow.

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