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to want dh to make a decision sometimes

(17 Posts)
mamamibbo Sun 11-Nov-12 08:36:27

if i ask him anything he says "dunno", "you decide" "you know better than i do"

"what do you want for tea?" .. "dunno"
"what should we buy the kids for christmas?" "you know better than i do"
"do you think he'll like this" .. "if you think so"
"where do you want to go" "you decide"

he wont make a decision on anything at all

really bugs me!

Santasinmypudenda Sun 11-Nov-12 08:39:09

I am like your dh. Im scared of making the wrong choice so i cop out and make none whatsoever, drives dh barmy

Enigmosaurus Sun 11-Nov-12 08:39:54

Yanbu. Dp is like this and it drives me to distraction.

Hopeforever Sun 11-Nov-12 08:40:20

How infuriating.

The only way to make them make a decision is not to make it yourself.

Trouble is once they have made their decision you need to agree with it and support it.

It's been a hard lesson for me to learn wink

LindyHemming Sun 11-Nov-12 08:41:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamamibbo Sun 11-Nov-12 08:45:01

i tried not making a decision about where we were going on saturday, so we ended up not going anywhere

trixie123 Sun 11-Nov-12 08:52:01

I think you have to specifically say, no, I want you to think about it for a bit and you decide. I did this with DP, not so much on decision making but on finding out about stuff. I learnt about all the baby stuff, weaning, how pre-school worked etc and decided that the next thing, which I can't get my head around, is phonics, its up to him. He needs to find out the theory and how they teach it so we can help him. He also leaves things up to me and then if it goes wrong say "I did wonder why we..." THAT drives me mental - the being wise after the event but declining to have any input at the decision making point. Definitely need to make a 'thing"of it - tell him you WON'T decide and he has too.

Hopeforever Sun 11-Nov-12 09:06:28

Perhaps it was his choice not to go anywhere on Saturday but he didn't articulate it well? Just a thought

ChocHobNob Sun 11-Nov-12 09:10:19

My husband is like this and I hate being the one making decisions all the time. I would rather he decided. So we regularly don't go out, never know what we're having for dinner, leave present buying until the very last minute because we can't decide. It's a nightmare.

WineGoggles Sun 11-Nov-12 09:26:01

YANBU. Do you think it's down to lack of confidence that he'd make the right decision or laziness? I had a couple of BFs like that and it drove me nuts; everything was up to me, and with them I think they were so scared of upsetting me in any way (they were doormats too). confused My most recent exBF was a little like that too, but I interpreted it as he couldn't be arsed to make the effort (he was inclined to be rather self-absorbed).

Pinkie29 Sun 11-Nov-12 09:27:40

Not at all, mine often gets like that though I have found stuff like booking holidays and days out it works in my favour grin

Fancydrawers Sun 11-Nov-12 09:38:49

Mine is the same. Infuriating.

Joiningthegang Sun 11-Nov-12 09:39:31

I would look on the bright side - yanbu that it is annoying but benefit of getting to decide all the time outweighs "annoying" any day.

This is a glass half full for me!

KentuckyFriedChildren Sun 11-Nov-12 10:15:42

See I ask dh what he wants for dinner and he says "anything" so I will go in the kitchen and literally find the most random assortment of ingredients and turn it into something resembling a meal. If he doesn't like it then he should be more specific smile my dh will generally eat anything though and usually likes my concoctions. If he doesn't answer my qs sufficiently then I do what I want ie. If we are planning a night out and he doesn't make an input we will end up doing what I want even if he won't enjoy it or if he doesn't say what film he wants to watch on tv I will put on the soppiest chick flick I can find and let him endure it. I find this approach usually works and dh generally won't be vague anymore except wrt food.

KentuckyFriedChildren Sun 11-Nov-12 10:17:33

Ooh I sound mean! But he is seriously laid back and wouldn't make any input at all if I didn't do these things blush

deakymom Sun 11-Nov-12 12:30:18

i have one like this he also tries to make me decide if he should apply for a certain type of job (night work) as he is getting desperate for work now (he has been unemployed for 6 weeks and hates it) i put my foot down the last time he made me choose a job for him he hated it and ranted at me for 12 weeks about it so this time ive told him your choice you choose he is so annoyed about it he told me off anyway but i pointed out to him it depends what you hate more dole or night shift (and he might not get it anyway) so he is thinking for himself for a change

CaptainSolo Sun 11-Nov-12 12:37:06

mamamibbo I so agree. It's so frustrating. I also work in ajob where I make all the decisions. I just want a rest from it all at home.

Also the additional thing is I do make the decision eg sorting out the holiday and then when the holiday arrives am questioned/criticised as to all the decisions I made. Why are we going on the bus wouldn't it have been better on the train??? Why did you buy tickets for Thursday it would have been better for Wednesday etc etc. It drives me to distraction.

For my birthday he offered a night in a hotel but he wanted me to choose where I wanted to go, book it all, pay for it (and then he would reimburse me - which he would that's not the issue) and can't understand why that doesn't actually feel like a birthday treat???

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