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To tell everyone not to buy DS any Christmas presents ?

(112 Posts)
formallyknownasloveydarling Sat 10-Nov-12 19:28:47

Firstly, I should point out that I am very very angry so please tell me if I am being a bit extreme.

DS, aged 4 had a friend round today. They trashed his toys. Expensive toys like a play mobile castle, and pirate ship that cost around £100 each and all the paraphernalia that goes with it. DS was the ringleader.

Some things were actually smashed so cant be repaired and it will take longer for me to put the castle and ship and battering ram etc back together than they spent playing with it - much longer.

After they had trashed his bedroom, they came down and started chucking Lego round the lounge. The other boys' mum and I were in there with the babies so we were able to stop them.

When it was time for the friend to go home, DS punched him in the stomach. The little boy went home in tears and I could see his mum was pissed off with DS. I was so embarrassed.

After they had gone I went with my son upstairs to his room and told him to tidy up everything and what hadn't been put away in 30 minutes would be taken away from him, along with the smashed up pirate ship and castle.

When I went up 30 minutes later he had left a lot of it on the floor still. I said more than once 'have I got this right - you would rather have your toys taken away than put them in the basket?' In various ways as I wasn't convinced he understood but he assured me 'yes, he'd picked up a few and I could take the rest'. I have already confiscated the boat and castle.

AIBU to deduce he is a spoilt brat with far too much? I have never been big on material presents anyway but he gets a lot from his GPs. Compared to friends he is about average on the amount of toys he has but it is far far more than I had growing up.

I almost took a bin bag and put all his toys in it. I am livid and so ashamed that I have raised someone with such little respect. Christmas is cancelled for him.

formallyknownasloveydarling Sun 11-Nov-12 20:28:41

Thank you married in white. Your wise words are valued. I am so very very tired. My baby is a very poor sleeper and is a nocturnal milk guzzler (yes I co-sleep before anyone suggests this but it does not help at all). It is clouding my judgement on everything.

Ds and i had a much better day today. We were out and about which we all much prefer.

Please everyone, don't take the last sentence of my op too seriously. It was meant to be read like a child stamping his foot. Although I do think my Ds has too many toys, we are Muslim so don't do Christmas in a big way (or really at all, except stuff at school and things we encounter in daily life - it is everywhere!). Also we are off to Pakistan to see family this December.

valiumredhead Sun 11-Nov-12 20:33:19

OP, I was hard on you yesterday, tiredness is a killer, sorry. Pick your battles though or you'll wear yourself out.

formallyknownasloveydarling Sun 11-Nov-12 21:21:29

Thanks valiumredhead. My glass is really half empty ATM and you were certainly harsh but I needed it and I am really beginning to see how my baby's sleep issues are affecting our whole family in so many ways sad maybe I will post about it when I have some energy. Anyway thanks for your input.

valiumredhead Sun 11-Nov-12 22:51:17

I wasn't really harsh, I wasn't even in full flow wink

McChristmasPants2012 Sun 11-Nov-12 22:55:19

He should of been better supervised.

I am sorry but you and the other parent are to blame here, the first instance of misbehaving it could of been stopped.

McChristmasPants2012 Sun 11-Nov-12 22:56:45

Also I don't think any parent would cancel Christmas, so I always take it with a huge pinch salt

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Sun 11-Nov-12 22:59:10

Yabu, You are expecting a 4 year old to be more rational than yourself!

You let really young children go on a rampage unsupervised. How do you know your ds was the ringleader if you were not there?

noviceoftheday Mon 12-Nov-12 07:20:22

I have learned the hard way that dd can be a bit of a sheep when she has friends over for a playdate. Our playroom is big and stuffed with toys. As our dcs are used to it, they tend to rotate the toys themselves and go through different phases of what's their favourite. It's an entirely different thing though when friends come over, because for them its a bit like being in a toyshop. She has two different friends, who, after either of them has been for a playdate, it has taken the best part of 2 hours to restore the playroom back to normal. We don't let the kids upstairs alone, although other dcs are obsessed with it. We stay right with them (including mobile babies) and supervise. Yes, its hard to watch as toys are opened, dumped on the floor after 2 mins and then a new one got out while dd just passively watches. However, it's not the norm so we grit our teeth, and we just get on with it because its not very often. What I am trying to say is that in my (limited!) experience, dcs might behave differently on playdates and that's all part of the hell fun.

We had a summer party this year for about 100 people at home, it took a lot of preparation and we knew we were going to be shattered at the end of the day. I locked up half the toys (eg jigsaw puzzles, toys with small parts) that would just be painful to clear up afterwards and it just made life so much easier. In addition to supervising afterwards, you might want to think about that if there are any toys you feel (for want of a better word) precious about. Live and learn, eh? grin

ll31 Mon 12-Nov-12 08:03:13

surely point of playmobile is that you pkay with it..dont see problem here tbh... its not a law that once kit is made it is not allowed to be broken and used in diff ways... the punching i'd deal with..

lottiegarbanzo Mon 12-Nov-12 08:09:13

My baby isn't four, so no comment on he behaviour but, on the materialism I think you have a point. I had play mobile people as a child, with little bits of equipment but no massive houses or ships. I can still remember making a whole 'sea' of my bedroom floor, with islands of towels, a ship of a cardboard box and trees and other things made of Lego. It seemed vast, brilliant, flexible and of my and friend's own making.

I was really disappointed when those large 'sets' for play mobile people came onto the market, as it seemed really limiting and dictatorial. What if I didn't want my castle that shape, or wanted to redesign the layout? You can do that with some cardboard and crayons!

nokidshere Mon 12-Nov-12 08:42:25

I have to agree with the others that this was partly your own making. leaving 2 four year olds unsupervised with playmobile or any other toy is really just asking for trouble! I have spent half my life (or so it seems grin) building flipping playmobile!

Christmas is ages away. punish him by all means but at least keep it in proportion to the "crime" and age.

oohlaalaa Mon 12-Nov-12 08:59:14

I don't have a 4 yo, so can't comment on your DS's behaviour or your parenting.

My mum was always strict, and we never had expensive toys, or made a big deal our of Christmas. I don't think your suggestions were so awful. My mum would have hidden our toys in the loft, until we'd apologised, and shown we could look after our toys. As long as your DS knows that he is loved, I don't see the problem .

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