to want my family round on xmas morning(20 Posts)
My mum sister and gran want to see DS open his pressies on xmas morning (his first xmas will be nearly 11mo) i want to see DN open hers i've never missed an xmas morning with her even getting up at 6am one year to jump in the car so i can be there. So I'd like them to come to us on xmas morning open the kids pressies together then they go do there own things they have planned later.
DP thinks it's unfair on his family BUT his parents are seperated both have partners and 12yr olds so will be doing the morning present opening at home and wouldn't come anyway. They could come as well as my family if they wanted but they don't. DS and I are extremely close to my family see at least one of them daily DP has seen his dad 3 times in 9mo (he lives a 10 min drive away) and only see's his mum when she comes to collect DS every fortnight. For him seeing family on xmas is something you have to do because it's your family for me its something i want to do because i love them all and want to share it with them.
I know IABU but at the same time it's so important to me. I've told DP's parents that we have an open door policy on xmas we're not going out (due to last years 4 houses in 8 hours fiasco nto being fair on DS and we don't have a car) but they can come to us to see DS whenever they want.
Should i just give up this idea?
4 houses in 8 hours?
I think you all need to chill out. See people on different days.
If you stay put and have an "open house" then that means that:
1 - you have no control over your day (how many people will be there at mealtimes? what time do you have your meal without interruption?)
2 - other people are the ones running around
Not having your family round because it's "unfair on his family" is a stupid argument. What he probably means is that he doesn't want to , because it will be a hassle and make him enjoy the day less, but feels that he can't say that.
Being in a (healthy) relationship means there are some times you have to compromise. You can't go to your family every Christmas, it isn't fair.
YABU its his christmas too, it sounds like he doesn't want loads of people around every year. Could you not see your family on boxing day instead?
If I was your sister I wouldn't want to have to go to someone else's house to watch my child open presents on Christmas morning, but I'm not sure if you mean that she wouldn't have any presents to open until she gets to yours.
It's nice to see family on Christmas Day if you all live close enough that it won't mean you have to spend too much time travelling.
Your DH is being unfair if his family are as welcome as yours to come over whenever they want. Are you sure that he's not just using the 'fair' thing as an excuse because its easier then telling you that he'd prefer not to have to see your family first thing on Christmas Day? That would be understandable if all he wants is to spend Christmas morning with his own little family.
You need to set up an alternating schedule thingy. One year his family (but see yours on say 26th), one year yours (and see his on 26th), and repeat.
As you are saying everyone would come to you and go on from there, I don't think it's an unreasonable ask. But I would specify a time, eg come round at 10 as we're eating at 12/1 whatever. That way your husband knows you won't be swamped all day and you get your visitors. That or suggest you have Xmas day just yourselves, then have a 'second' Christmas on Boxing Day so both sets of grandparents etc can visit.
Personally I prefer Christmas to just be us in the morning as its our special family time. I'd feel even my own family were intruding on our magic if they wanted to be there first thing.
I think YABU but can sort of understand. I found it weird and sort of sad the first year I wasn't with my mum, sister and nephew on christmas morning opening presents. Christmas morning was spent with inlaws. We saw my side later in the day (5pm onwards) and it was lovely.
You need to compromise with your DP especially now you have a child and no doubt everyone will want to see you
and especially your DS. He isn't asking much, just that you don't have to be invaded all day on christmas day by various people, especially first thing in the morning.
Also a family free christmas isnt all bad. It's just me, DP and our 2 DC this christmas until at least the 27th. I swear I couldnt be happier that's how i look everytime I think about it!
This all seems to be about what you want. What does your sister want? Your neice (as the child who will Know it's Christmas she is probably most important) and everyone else involved want?
Christmas involves compromise. You can't please everyone All of the time
I agree with Sirzy. It is all about what you want.
You mention that you and your ds are extremely close to your family. Your ds is 11 months old. He won't have a clue what is going on. I can't help but feel that you are using your ds to get what you want. I think it is a bit insensitive to imply to your DH that because his family isn't as close it's not a big deal if he doesn't get what he wants.
I think you could get a nice balance with a bit of compromising and listening to what your DH would like. Playing the card of your family are so close isn't fair on your DH.
Surely DN would prefer to open her presents in her own home? I can understand your DP wanting first thing in xmas morning to be a special time for the two of you to share with your DS. You might have done things in a certain way with your own family but traditions have to change as you have your own family and children are born/get older.
I am very close to my dsis & dn. we see each other all the time but we dont see each other at all on xmas day. We have our own families & spend it with them.
Yabu take it in turns and let your dh enjoy his dc's first Christmas at home in peace
You used to go round to your sisters at 6am on Xmas day?!! Jeez!! Why didn't you at least stay over at hers on Xmas eve
You are a mother now and your child should be your primary concern, not your mum, gran, niece, etc, etc, etc. Your child and DH are your family.
It sounds lovely that you used to see your niece open her presents. But your sister and her daughter are one family and your partner, child and you are another. You can't square this circle - why should one child have to go to another house to open presents? You need to make some Christmas traditions of your own with your DH and start seeing the other family members later in the day, or on other days.
Does your DH really want to see your DSis everyday? I don't think it's unreasonable if he doesn't. You seem to have acquired a DH and a DC without realising you will need to change some of your family relationships to make sure DH and DC always come first, rather than them just slotting in to existing patterns.
I think I'm missing something
You want to see your family Xmas day, DH wants to see his.
So invite them both, perhaps for tea?
At 11 months your DS isn't going to be getting up at the crack of dawn desperate to open his presents. They can watch him play with wrapping paper at any time of the day.
If your DH's family don't want to come then that's their choice - its up to your DH to persuade them if he wants them. I don't see the big problem - am I missing something?
YABU, its all about what you want not anybody else. Your Sister may love a christmas alone where her daughter gets to open her presents with just mum as soon as she gets up.
There are plenty of compromises and given your child wont even know or remember the day at least be honest and says its what you want not your DS.
Your DS won't know what day it is!
Our rule is once you have children, you don;t leave the house on christmas day, boxing day is for visiting/open house type thing.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now »
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.