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to find this so incredibly rude and I couldn't do it?

(32 Posts)
CrapBag Fri 09-Nov-12 22:21:26

Ok, maybe a slight exaggeration but I do feel that way.

I was talking to someone about joint birthday parties (for siblings whose birthdays are close together) recently. Our eldest children have recently started school. She asked if I was going to put my younger childs name on the invites that would go out to the school friends. I said of course not as they would be invited as the school friends guest, not the younger sibling.

My friend said I should as they might bring an extra present for the younger child. shock

I laughed incredulously and she said that she did it last year and she will do it again next year. I laughed and said "that is so rude, I'm not doing that and neither would I take a present if I received an invite like this".

Its not just me is it? This is rude right?

sosotiredagain123 Fri 09-Nov-12 22:23:54

no don't do it looks so wrong

BadgersBottom Fri 09-Nov-12 22:24:13

Rude and grabby and horrid. And word will get out and she will deserve the consequences.

CrapBag Fri 09-Nov-12 22:26:13

Don't worry soso I won't be. smile

I would feel grabby and it never even crossed my mind to do so in the first place. Thats why I was so shock when my friend suggested it. Even more so when I pointed out that it was rude and she said she would do it again next year.

DewDr0p Fri 09-Nov-12 22:27:12

Yes very rude!

I've done joint parties a few times and only send the invites from both birthday children to the kids of close friends or where both children are inviting a sibling if that makes sense?

Floggingmolly Fri 09-Nov-12 22:27:41

Cheeky mare! Most people only take presents for their child's friend, even if it's a joint party, don't they? (I've never actually been to one)

PoppyWearer Fri 09-Nov-12 22:30:36

What DewDr0p said. I had a joint party for my DCs a few months back and only put both names on invitations where both their DCs were invited.

sausagesandwich34 Fri 09-Nov-12 22:34:56


I have a dilema now

DD is having a joint party with her bestie
only 2 days difference in birthdays, same friends, organised party so a bit pricey for both families but together it's affordable

they both want to invite the same children so is it ok to put both names on the invite or will people get upset?

littlebird3 Fri 09-Nov-12 22:38:35

Very rude.I have twins and feel guilty about people feeling obliged to buy for both of them.They still have joint parties and share alot of friends so it's tricky to send invites just from one of them. Why does your friend want so many gifts anyway, I always dread the masses of stuff I have to find room for !

CrapBag Fri 09-Nov-12 22:38:45

If they are friends with the same children then that is different sausages.

This is where siblings of different ages are having a joint party and the school friends have nothing to do with their friends younger sibling.

littlebird3 Fri 09-Nov-12 22:41:13

sausages that's totally different & not a problem imo.

EndoplasmicReticulum Fri 09-Nov-12 22:41:46

I've been to both types of joint party and I only take a present for the children mine are friends with - so two friends in same class - both get presents. Friend and younger sibling - younger sibling doesn't get one. Neither was it expected, in fact they told me not to.

I had a joint party for siblings (2years apart) and wouldn't have put the others name on the invite. Especially not to try and attract more presents! shock everyone knew it was a joint party but they brought presents for the child they were there to celebrate with!

sausagesandwich34 Fri 09-Nov-12 22:44:05

phew -had a little panic there

Whatnowffs Fri 09-Nov-12 22:44:08

sausagesandwhich - my DD has had joint parties with her friend. We put both names on the invitations unless they are children that only one child knows. People generally don't mind as how can you decide who is going to buy which child's present anyway.

I think the OPs situation is slightly different. A mum at DDs school had done a joint party for her two DS's recently, but she had only put one of the boys on the invite - i was embarrased that i didn't buy for both and wouldnt have minded because my DD plays with both boys (one in a year below) but i would have been a bit put out if i had been expected to buy for a child that my DD didn't play with/know.

Iceaddict Fri 09-Nov-12 22:47:19

Mine are 2 yrs and a day apart and as they're little we do a joint party. But the kids who only know one of them only get that DC's name and the ones that know both get both names. I would not expect a present for the one they don't know. Parents would feel obliged

Corygal Fri 09-Nov-12 22:49:47

Grabby mare. Bet she scrimps madly on the entertainment for your DCs.

Tricky one. I think just put whichever child they know down. had a joint party for my 6 and 4 year old a few years back, but each child invited their whole class, and it only had the one child's name on the invite. For those saying joint parties are scrimpy on entertainment - we had to do it as a joint party as it cost a lot more than a normal party for all the different entertainments we added on.

golemmings Sat 10-Nov-12 06:48:19

Dd was invited to a birthday party recently and we went, taking a present. It was only when we got there we realised it was a joint party for 2 kids. I know the other child and mother to chat to at groups and stuff and felt slightly uncomfortable having taken a present for one child and not the other. I would like to have known it was joint but would only take a gift if we knew the child involved.

kakapo Sat 10-Nov-12 07:17:20

Wouldn't bother me if I got an invite like this, as it simply wouldn't occur to me to get a present for the one I didn't know. I would just assume it was a way of letting people know it would be a joint party so there were no surprises.

exoticfruits Sat 10-Nov-12 07:20:54

I wouldn't, but it wouldn't bother me because I would only send a present for the one that was the friend.

exoticfruits Sat 10-Nov-12 07:22:03

I agree with kakapo, it simply wouldn't occur to me to get a present for the sibling.

Fakebook Sat 10-Nov-12 07:23:12

I feel so rude now. My Dd's school friend invited her to a joint party with her sister. We had to pay to get into the soft play place and then we had to pay for our own food aswell. Anyway, I took my DS along who is 4 months younger than the sister. Her mum gave him a party bag, but we only took a present for Dd's friend. Was I supposed to take a present for the sister aswell? confused]

socharlotte Sat 10-Nov-12 08:35:47

I would be uncomfortable if we turned up at a party, not knowing it was a joint party and without a present for one of the birthday children.

fuzzpig Sat 10-Nov-12 08:39:23

Grabby grabberson. IMO.

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