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To make him change the date?

(13 Posts)
WelshMaenad Fri 09-Nov-12 20:27:50

My inlaws live several hundred miles away. They visit three times a year for 2-3 days at a time. This is always by arrangement with DH as he works on a 7 day rota and needs to arrange his days off.

I don't like them. They have a long history of bring crap and not bothering with my kids, that I won't bore you with, they make slightly more effort these days after I had a phone bust up with MIL and told them to buck up or fuck off ( this was after they didn't bother telling anyone DS had been born, for context).

The Christmas visit is looming. They can't come at all in December as they have a combination if doing things with MILs far more important sisters/patents, and another Caribbean cruise. DH has been lax in sorting dates, I reminded him that the last Monday in Nov is my mums 60th birthday and not to make plans without checking with me as I wasn't sure at what stage over the weekend we would be celebrating.

Anyway, I just walked in to him on the phone yelli g them he'd booked off the last weekend in Nov and to book a hotel. Given that he'd not asked me about it, I had gone ahead and made plans for the Saturday to host a little party tea at mums, we are then going out for a meal in the Monday night. Mum, dad and sister have just flown to Florida and will be back the day before the party tea, dd is already desperate to know when she will see them again and us really excited about the tea.

I have told DH that I have plans that weekend and he us going to have to rearrange, as its Gary fair for the inlaws to drive all that way and only see us on the Sunday.

He has now rearranged his weekend iff for the previous one, and has let his parents know do they can book a hotel, but he is bitching and huffing like a drama queen.

Was I unreasonable?

AgentZigzag Fri 09-Nov-12 20:43:24

He should have asked you what you had planned, but is he drama queening because he's got to deal with his parents?

Even if he gets on with them, he's probably not looking forward to the private fireworks which'll be going on behind the scenes when they're staying, and it's probably stressing him out if it's only in a few weeks time.

CaliforniaLeaving Fri 09-Nov-12 21:35:44

YANBU he is being a big baby over the whole thing.

HecatePropylaea Fri 09-Nov-12 21:38:53

Did you tell him the plans as soon as you'd made them? If so, YANBU.

If you'd made them days earlier and not confirmed it with him, then you're in the wrong for that bit grin cos you had the info and he needed it and you could easily have told him the plans.

but either way, he's being silly to huff and fuff. He knew there was a possibility of not all the november dates being free and he should have checked.

WelshMaenad Fri 09-Nov-12 21:47:08

I never bother telling him if I make plans of a Saturday daytime because he's usually working, Hec. That's why I made it clear the onus was in him to check before booking a weekend off. Plus it's quite nice to be asked before being expected to host hugely demanding visitors for a weekend! He knows I struggle with them, and generally want to stick my head in the oven by the end of a visit

Still, I'm sure my boss will love finding me an extra shift on the Friday night so I HAVE to sleep all day and they can go out without me... grin

fosterdream Fri 09-Nov-12 22:06:04

So you see the out laws 2-3 times per year, they ignored your children, would rather spend December visiting their other relative's and your DH is in a huff!

Honest to god I'm so glad we no longer have contact with my DH family any more. They ignored our children from day one and would slate me and their grandchildren/niece behind our backs all the time! I could go on.

Tell your husband what's what and to grow a pair you told him to check with you before making plans and he didn't so its his own fault his in a huff.

As for some people saying you should have told him well he should have asked. I'm sure they have good PIL'S and I wish I had as I'm sure welsh does too but when you meet a horrid person just think maybe he or she has children and think of their partner's.

Welsh the only thing me and DH used to fight over was his mother and sister we haven't spoken to them for months and not had a single fight since plus our house has been so much happier without the stress. Remember how lucky you are to have your nice family around :-)

I've ranted sorry :-\

fosterdream Fri 09-Nov-12 22:13:48

Slowly typed and had to pop my tablet down. Welsh I was EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA AND EXTRA nice to them till they pushed it to far last time wish I'd had an oven to put my head in years ago but really stand your ground show your DC their behaviour is not the norm what if they marry into a similar family? Ask you DH if he would like that for his children?

But don't be angry at your DH though I'm sure he means no harm and is most likely very stressed after talking to them

WelshMaenad Fri 09-Nov-12 22:16:16

Rant away, petal, it's good for the soul!

I think he realises he's been a twat because he's just walked to the corner shop to get ice cream and made me a banana split!

AWomanCalledHorse Fri 09-Nov-12 22:17:21

thanks <---to you Welsh for putting up with PIL's.


fosterdream Fri 09-Nov-12 22:25:29

Mine spend over £400 and this tablet :-)

I really believe people who have not had such horrendous family truly don't understand how bad it can get. I've forgotten how many times I'd been in tears because of them I can honestly say I have done nothing to upset them the amount of shite I've had if it had been anyone else they'd of had a piece of my mind <fists maybe> and I'm a very easy going person. His aunts (MIl's own sisters) know all this and do not speak to them after hiding away in the kitchen listening!

Glad his making it up to you :-) also glad your not that angry

fosterdream Fri 09-Nov-12 22:26:55

Over £400 ON this tablet

AgentZigzag Fri 09-Nov-12 22:47:11

It's shitty you're having such stress with your M/SIL foster, but it's probably not a good idea for the OP to draw her DCs attention to her PILs behaviour.

Your situation might be different if their behaviour is really obvious to your children, but if the GP are 'only' ignoring their GC, it'll just put the idea in their minds, which could make them wonder what they've done to deserve it.

Both my GP favoured other cousins, but I can honestly say I wouldn't have noticed had my mum not railed said about it often.

fosterdream Fri 09-Nov-12 23:39:34

I no long stress over my them any more in fact I would love for them to be involved but the fact the MIL slapped her 3 year old GD and pinched her 1 year old GD when I left the room to make my MIl some food that stopped all contact from my DH and us. My family are abroad so we have no family other than my DB that we see regular and I would love for my DD's to be close to ALL their family but that can't happen. how do explain to a three year old that her GM was been mean and just wanting to hurt her for no reason, after I've been telling her nobody can hurt her, violence is wrong and to talk about feelings.

I was not suggesting she stopped contact with FIL I even told welsh her DH was most likely stressed, not to be that angry with him,I was ranting, I would not wish what I have had to deal upon anyone and to break up a family is wrong I was giving welsh my story and telling her to stick up for herself before it comes anywhere near to what my Dd's have had to deal with. Would you agent stay n abusive relationship? Why should we take abuse from so called family?

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